do you ever go to restaurants by yourself?

[Tango Yankee]

The stares and whispered comments are not my idea of fun.

...

It's just that I'd rather avoid putting myself up in front of families and groups of friends for potential audible ridicule.

You know, I'm just perplexed that anyone would notice or if they did, care whether or not someone is eating alone or find it something worth making fun of. I don't get it. But then, I rarely understand it when someone makes a big deal out of something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. [huh] Are they that bored with their own lives they have to make fun of others to make themselves feel better?

Jeez.

Regards,
Tom

 

[Diamondback]

Tom, yes they are--it's that whole "find any perceived weakness in someone not of your pack and pick at them until they fall apart" thing that's SUPPOSED to be left behind in Junior High, but so many of the overgrown children labeled as "adults"*snort* today never can bring themselves to leave behind.

 

[LocktownDog]

Quite often.

 

[Kaonashi]

I often find myself having lunch alone when I stay late at the office for some extra work... also, I consider myself a really "on-time" person, I try to get at least five minutes early to any appointment, which is why I ALWAYS carry a book, a notebook and pencil with me, as to take advantange of those precious minutes which otherwise would be wasted...

 

[Marla]

I dine alone frequently when I travel, and am comfortable being alone in public places. Yet, I think for a woman dining alone is more problematic. Several times in restaurants when I was dining alone I was approached by men offering me a place at their table, which is a rather forward even if it is a well-intentioned gesture. Sitting at a bar is also problematic as those who've had too much to drink try to start conversations or offer to buy me a drink. The prevailing assumptions seems to be that I am involuntarily alone, I was stood up, etc.

Usually I bring a book and try to be inconspicuous. I'm not going to miss out on great food and experiences just because I'm alone.

 

[HepKitty]

Tom, yes they are--it's that whole "find any perceived weakness in someone not of your pack and pick at them until they fall apart" thing that's SUPPOSED to be left behind in Junior High, but so many of the overgrown children labeled as "adults"*snort* today never can bring themselves to leave behind.

Word. This sort of behavior is beneath at least most of us here, if not all, so of course we don't understand it

 

[Diamondback]

fftopic: And people wonder why I spent a decade as a recluse... not to mention my adherence to the Smith Dictum:
Be polite, be courteous... but have a plan to neutralize everyone you meet.
--Clint Smith

HK: Well, those who've been on the wrong end of it or become hardened cynics do, but being as jaded and embittered as I've become (especially at my age!) is something I usually recommend that others try to avoid becoming.

 

[James71]

When I travel I do. Its no biggie. I understand the people who feel self conscious though. I used to. Now I just try and look confident and mysterious. Try not to look like you are waiting for someone...

 

[Diamondback]

Good time to channel Agent K--get that whole "Not To Be Trifled With Stoneface" thing goin'...

Unfortunately, part of the reason my eyes are always shrouded by dark tinted lenses are that the look in 'em when I'm focused tends to scare the sheeple.

 

[Gilboa]

I dine alone frequently when I travel, and am comfortable being alone in public places. Yet, I think for a woman dining alone is more problematic. Several times in restaurants when I was dining alone I was approached by men offering me a place at their table, which is a rather forward even if it is a well-intentioned gesture. Sitting at a bar is also problematic as those who've had too much to drink try to start conversations or offer to buy me a drink. The prevailing assumptions seems to be that I am involuntarily alone, I was stood up, etc.

Usually I bring a book and try to be inconspicuous. I'm not going to miss out on great food and experiences just because I'm alone.

Word!

In particular the 'sitting at a bar with people that had too much to drink'.

My first reaction is to be polite, including smiling, when approached. Sadly, this often seems to send the wrong signal to the other person and I have had to ask to be left alone in the past. If a situation becomes uncomfortable, I make up a story that [someone] (insert your own choice: husband, partner, business partner, girlfriend etc ...) is about to expect me in a place nearby. I always give false names as well

To avoid any of that, I always have a notepad and pen with me. If a situations is about to build up, out the pad comes and I will look very busy and intensley engrossed in my 'work'.

I am lucky that most male individuals around here are polite and actually rather shy and do make for good conversation.

 

[Julius8122]

Do they ever! Sorry to the gentlemen here, I doubt this applies to you

I hate going to restaurants alone, period. Doesn't matter how nice or how cheap it is, I can't stand it. I don't always have books with me but I'll play silly games on my phone or text friends if need be. The stares and whispered comments are not my idea of fun. Not to say that I won't or haven't ever, because like Paisley and Land o Lakes Gal said, I'd sit at home waiting forever if friends were to go. It's just that I'd rather avoid putting myself up in front of families and groups of friends for potential audible ridicule. I don't mind going to movies so much alone, because you're supposed to just sit there and watch the movie in the dark anyway. But showing up at restaurants alone is a major source of discomfort for me.

I feel the same way. I work odd hours and sometimes it's just unavoidable to eat alone. I hate bringing a book because it makes me feel like "Look at me, I'm alone and have to bring a book to keep me company." I've found that if I don't take a book, I end up talking to random people which can be fun. I've met some of the nicest people in restaurants at 1am.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

As I'm more of a solitary nature -- though I can be gregarious when I want to be -- I enjoy and often prefer dining alone. I'm almost always either reading or drawing while I eat. Diamondback, you'll get a kick out of this. I've memorized the Flames of War miniatures wargaming rules to the point that I often play it during lunch with pencil and paper on a napkin or sometimes even in my head. I use the chronograph function of my watch for dice.

Fortunately I've never had the unpleasant experience of people staring at me or making rude comments while eating alone. Though I have had to suffer the unwanted attention of people coming up to me and talking my ear off totally oblivious to the fact that I have a book in front of me. On one occasion I was at the local fast food establishment near me doing some drawing while enjoying my repast, when suddenly I had this unsettling feeling. I looked up and there was an audience of several kids gathered around me watching me draw!

 

[Pompidou]

Just like wearing hats, you can avoid a lot of ridicule eating alone by looking like it's no big deal. People who own their hats get mostly compliments. People who are intimidated by their hats don't. That's how it works for everything in life, I think.

 

[Lady Day]

There was this great cafe I would frequent when I lived in San Francisco. It was in my building, and they had amazing coffee. Id go alone or with my dog often and after a while the owner who worked there and I became friends and when it was slow we'd often chat

LD

 

[natidahling]

I'd always have these amazing dinners out with my dad: martinis, steak, great conversation, the works.
Well, dad moved to Argentina a few years ago and since then I've had a hard time finding anyone who will have an old school steak and martini dinner with me, so, when I get the itch, I go out on my own.
I don't always get to eat in peace - what is it about a woman alone at a table? Geez!
I never let it bother me, though martinis are always more fun in good company

 

[LizzieMaine]

That's why I prefer counters to tables -- counter-eaters tend to mind their own business. Other than the occasional boardinghouse-reach for the salt, people at counters exist in their own little realm and there's nothing rude about completely ignoring the person sitting next to you. Counter etiquette is such that it's actually very inappropriate to take a seat next to a person you don't know unless there are no other seats available, in which case the only appropriate remark is "This seat taken?" and the appropriate reply is "Mrrph."

 

[JimWagner]

I usually eat lunch alone and prefer to. If I'm on a business trip I usually eat alone.

If I'm in a fine restaurant it's most likely going to be wife my wife or other family members.

And frankly, I try to pay as little attention to other restaurant patrons as they'll allow me to. I could care less if they're alone or in groups as long as they aren't intruding on my meal.

 

[Edward]

I dine alone frequently when I travel, and am comfortable being alone in public places. Yet, I think for a woman dining alone is more problematic. Several times in restaurants when I was dining alone I was approached by men offering me a place at their table, which is a rather forward even if it is a well-intentioned gesture. Sitting at a bar is also problematic as those who've had too much to drink try to start conversations or offer to buy me a drink. The prevailing assumptions seems to be that I am involuntarily alone, I was stood up, etc.

Usually I bring a book and try to be inconspicuous. I'm not going to miss out on great food and experiences just because I'm alone.

It seems bizarre to me that a single person out alone is always seen as something heterodox, when one considers the way general population trends are going. Here in London, depending upon which survey you read, we singletons are either about to or already have taken over as the largest proportion of households in the City, and yet everywhere all I see are two for one offers, everything geared towards couples. It especially riles me when paying for hotel rooms. I don't remember the last time I found a hotel offering a single room, now - it seems that I always end up paying double for the same room as those sharing do per person. (One reason I embrace the US-influence of many hotels here now offering a 'room only' rate - at least I'm not paying for a second breakfast I won't eat).

I regularly eat out alone. It's not something of which I would make an evening (in that case I'd rather order in and stay home with the cats and a good book or film), but if I happen to be out and need to eat, or if I'm away on business or holiday (I have taken a few holidays alone, including my first Beijing trip - it was either go alone or miss out), I have no problem in going into a restaurant on my own. The one time I really remember being stared at was in the downtown financial district in Beijing, but that was less likely to be because I was alone, and more likely because that was back in 2006 before even lao wai like me were a common sight in Beijing. As to other things, I've been plenty comfortable going on my own for years. The cinema is nothing - after all, what happens when you go with friends? You sit in the dark for two hours and don't talk to each other. I'm also comfortable with the theatre, gigs, and so on. I'm not embarrassed to go these places on my own and take a book (I usually have one on me whenever possible, puts in the time while on the tube).

I feel the same way. I work odd hours and sometimes it's just unavoidable to eat alone. I hate bringing a book because it makes me feel like "Look at me, I'm alone and have to bring a book to keep me company." I've found that if I don't take a book, I end up talking to random people which can be fun. I've met some of the nicest people in restaurants at 1am.

I suppose it doesn't bother me simply because I no longer actually care what other people think of me. Of course, I also like having the book as a defence mechanism because I don't often particularly want to talk to other people, especially folks I don't know. I'm a bit of an awkward bugger that way.

 

[Paisley]

I like the counter, too, and feel more at home there. Besides, I think you get better service there.

I seldom eat out, though. It's just not that hard to make a good lunch at home.

 

[Mugwump]

I agree, eating out alone as a woman can get a little annoying - well, the interruptions can, at least. And don't get me started with the pityable (forgive my word creation there ) looks from total strangers! I used to hang out at a nice bar (closer to the Canadian version of a pub, I guess) with book in hand, enjoying a glass of something, but kept getting hit on by mildly drunken patrons. After a few muttered answers to their queries, I would flash "Patented Look # 443" (staring right through them long enough to make them uncomfortable). If any comments were made, I'd simply reply "Well, now you know how I feel. Do you find it enjoyable?". After the usual muttered comment about "lesbians these days" (?!), I was left in peace. Alls I can say is that becoming a regular somewhere you enjoy (and getting to know a few members of the staff) can go a long way towards dispelling any discomfort eating alone (or drinking alone) can inflict.

As I've had to greatly restrict my drinking (these little problems run in the family, what can I say ), I only eat out alone now, but I find that if I'm nice to the staff I get fabulous service - and more importantly, I get left alone to enjoy my book.

@ Paisley - You're so right, I admit...you get the best food (and service) at home!