Dealing with Divorce

[AmateisGal]

Resurrecting this thread because, yep, I'm getting a divorce.

It wasn't my idea. My husband of nearly 18 years decided that he "didn't want to be married anymore" and "wants to do his own thing." I knew something was going on because he was withdrawing and not happy with much of everything in his life the past few months, but I had no clue that he wanted to end it. It was quite the gut punch, especially for our 16-year-old daughter.

My husband and I were the very definition of opposites attract, yet we generally got along well and had a great time together. But we didn't have a lot of things in common and we grew up very differently, and that caused a lot of friction. It wasn't easy. We separated once and then got back together. We've tried and tried, and he knows me inside and out, just like I know him inside and out. We were best friends. I honestly thought we'd overcome things and make it last. Guess I was wrong. I think he's dealing with a midlife crisis and has visions of getting on a motorcycle and driving off to wherever the road takes him. He's 45, so the age fits.

At first, I resisted the divorce, but now that I've realized that maybe this is for the best, I'm mostly at peace with it. I still am harboring anger and resentment toward him, so I'm going to get therapy, because honestly, I feel like he's abandoning me and our daughter to "go do his own thing." It just feels incredibly selfish of him.

Anyway, I've got a long journey ahead, but I've been very fortunate to have an incredible support system in my friends, family, and coworkers. It's made all the difference.

Some day I'll start dating again, but have no desire to right now. I need to regroup and find myself again. I'm thinking the stress level will go WAY down because to be honest, it was pretty high during most of our marriage (another clue that this was the right decision), though right now finances are going to be very tight. He also hasn't yet moved out, so he's bouncing between friend's houses and comes home for a few days, then leaves again. That's not healthy for me or for our daughter.

 

[AmateisGal]

I myself am somewhat of a rarity, A Knight in shining armour in an age of colored shirts. Chivalry is not dead, but rather very much alive...

I know there are good men out there. I thought my husband would never leave. He always told me that. Strange how people change...

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Resurrecting this thread because, yep, I'm getting a divorce.

It wasn't my idea. My husband of nearly 18 years decided that he "didn't want to be married anymore" and "wants to do his own thing." I knew something was going on because he was withdrawing and not happy with much of everything in his life the past few months, but I had no clue that he wanted to end it. It was quite the gut punch, especially for our 16-year-old daughter.

My husband and I were the very definition of opposites attract, yet we generally got along well and had a great time together. But we didn't have a lot of things in common and we grew up very differently, and that caused a lot of friction. It wasn't easy. We separated once and then got back together. We've tried and tried, and he knows me inside and out, just like I know him inside and out. We were best friends. I honestly thought we'd overcome things and make it last. Guess I was wrong. I think he's dealing with a midlife crisis and has visions of getting on a motorcycle and driving off to wherever the road takes him. He's 45, so the age fits.

At first, I resisted the divorce, but now that I've realized that maybe this is for the best, I'm mostly at peace with it. I still am harboring anger and resentment toward him, so I'm going to get therapy, because honestly, I feel like he's abandoning me and our daughter to "go do his own thing." It just feels incredibly selfish of him.

Anyway, I've got a long journey ahead, but I've been very fortunate to have an incredible support system in my friends, family, and coworkers. It's made all the difference.

Some day I'll start dating again, but have no desire to right now. I need to regroup and find myself again. I'm thinking the stress level will go WAY down because to be honest, it was pretty high during most of our marriage (another clue that this was the right decision), though right now finances are going to be very tight. He also hasn't yet moved out, so he's bouncing between friend's houses and comes home for a few days, then leaves again. That's not healthy for me or for our daughter.

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. You have gotten used to living with a constant high level of stress. It takes a toll on your physical, emotional and psychological health and well-being. As the drama becomes a thing of the past, you will begin to heal, a tiny bit daily. Those little victories won't be noticeable at first. Weeks go by, months, where you're feeling pain. Will it stop? You will start to notice that you are able to accomplish more. You aren't walking on eggshells. You aren't replaying conversations and fights in your head. You will see! Right now you're still in it. You WILL heal, you WILL see things more clearly and I suspect you WILL one day be very grateful that this happened!

 

[LizzieMaine]

Absolutely right. I've never known any woman to say, years after the fact, "jeez, you know, I wish I'd never gotten divorced."

 

[AmateisGal]

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. You have gotten used to living with a constant high level of stress. It takes a toll on your physical, emotional and psychological health and well-being. As the drama becomes a thing of the past, you will begin to heal, a tiny bit daily. Those little victories won't be noticeable at first. Weeks go by, months, where you're feeling pain. Will it stop? You will start to notice that you are able to accomplish more. You aren't walking on eggshells. You aren't replaying conversations and fights in your head. You will see! Right now you're still in it. You WILL heal, you WILL see things more clearly and I suspect you WILL one day be very grateful that this happened!

Thank you. I needed to hear this. I have been living with the drama for SO long that I'm not sure what life is like without it! But I am definitely looking forward to it!