Dating Etiquette

[scottyrocks]

From my perspective..I've always found a 'happy medium'. Otherwise I am fully aware of 'manners'...but tend to apply what seems 'natural' to the particular situation. How receptive..relaxed and even fun can determine how attentive I may react. For me attention should come easy..rather than stiff or awkward. To seem 'over attentive' can sometimes fall as flat as offering no manners at all. Polite is nice...making things comfortable is usually a great asset as well.
HD

Right. I definitely stop at laying my coat over a puddle for a lady to cross over.

 

[scottyrocks]

I actually got yelled at by one female person for holding the door open for her. (Heck, she was right after me -- if it had been a GUY I'd've held the door.)

A friend later told me I should have said something along the lines of "I was taught to hold the door for a lady. I apologize for mistaking you for one."

Don't know how THAT would have gone over...


Tony

That's her loss, that she didn't appreciate it. Militantism. Such a lovely character trait in a woman.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Right. I definitely stop at laying my coat over a puddle for a lady to cross over.

If it's a big puddle..shoot..I just lay down and let them walk all over me....:faint:

 

[scottyrocks]

I just put out my arm, have her loop hers through, and we both walk around it.

 

[Angus Forbes]

Where did I hear this? If a guy opens the car door for a girl, he has either a new car or a new girl.

 

[MikeBravo]

I actually got yelled at by one female person for holding the door open for her. (Heck, she was right after me -- if it had been a GUY I'd've held the door.)

A friend later told me I should have said something along the lines of "I was taught to hold the door for a lady. I apologize for mistaking you for one."

Don't know how THAT would have gone over...


Tony

Just to clarify that I read this the right way. You did not know her when you opened the door? I assume you opened it for a stranger and not a date?

 

[Effingham]

Just to clarify that I read this the right way. You did not know her when you opened the door? I assume you opened it for a stranger and not a date?

Correct. She was about two steps behind me, so I just opened the door and stepped aside -- exactly the same thing I would have done if a man had been two steps behind me (five steps and he's on his own ).

 

[scottyrocks]

I actually got yelled at by one female person for holding the door open for her. (Heck, she was right after me -- if it had been a GUY I'd've held the door.)

A friend later told me I should have said something along the lines of "I was taught to hold the door for a lady. I apologize for mistaking you for one."

Don't know how THAT would have gone over...


Tony

She might have said something like, 'I am not a lady. I am a woman!' Again, her loss.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I couldn't find a thread discussing this topic, so I thought I should start it. But if this thread already exists, please feel free to delete it or move it anywhere else. Ok, here goes:

Last night I had the first date with a woman for a very long time. Since I wanted to be as polite as possible on one hand and I on the other hand consider this etiquette to be very important, I did all the stuff I once learned a man does when he is out with a woman: I helped here to get seated in the restaurant, I helped her to get in her coat as we left, walked her home and offered her my arm to accompany her. I just wanted to be an accomplished Gentleman.
What do you think, fellow Loungers, Ladies and Gentlemen? Do you consider this etiquette to be important - and would you do it the same way - or do you think it's outmoded? I'm looking forward to getting many answers!

You did the right thing and from my viewpoint, that is how a Man should treat any Woman.

 

[Edward]

It's always good to be gentlemanly. If she appreciates it that's great. And if she doesn't outwardly that's not bad, either. If she's offended by it, then it's good to know asap, if ya don't want one of them feminists.

Send 'em my way, if you want.... nothing worse to go on a date with than some simpering gender-traitor. Besides, the real feminists I have met were always the most appreciative of being treated like a lady. [huh]

 

[scottyrocks]

Proving once again that labels can be deceiving.

 

[sheeplady]

Send 'em my way, if you want.... nothing worse to go on a date with than some simpering gender-traitor. Besides, the real feminists I have met were always the most appreciative of being treated like a lady. [huh]

Proving once again that labels can be deceiving.

Exactly. I consider myself a feminist, and I expect that my husband holds doors open for me (barring certain circumstances). I was raised that it was a sign of respect to open a door for a female companion. It never occurred to me until I was in my late teens that it could be done in a demeaning way because I was raised by people who respected women and didn't treat women/girls like they were less than men/boys. And the men also happened to open doors for women.

If a woman doesn't want a door opened for her, the polite thing to say is "Please don't hold the door open for me. I'm a liberated woman." Or something else that gets the point across that they don't want to have the door opened for them *ever* because they are a woman, but also doesn't accuse a man of having ill intent and being a sexist. For many men, it is a natural reaction to open the door. I think that responding to a man in a vicious way does nothing but perpetuate stereotypes about feminism and takes attention away from true struggles over inequalities.

 

[scottyrocks]

Well said. When I hold open a door, it's basically being courteous. I'll hold it open for a man, too, rather than let it slam in his face.

On another tack, my wife and I were away a couple of weekends ago. We stayed in a hotel with an elevator, as most have. I always open doors for her and let her proceed first which she appreciates.

However, when the elevator door opened, I found myself entering first. My wife looked a little surprised. I told her that I had learned that men enter elevators first to make sure it is safe and clear from either mechanical issues or ne'er do wells.

Has anyone else heard of this practice?

 

[Edward]

It's always good to be gentlemanly. If she appreciates it that's great. And if she doesn't outwardly that's not bad, either. If she's offended by it, then it's good to know asap, if ya don't want one of them feminists.

Well said. When I hold open a door, it's basically being courteous. I'll hold it open for a man, too, rather than let it slam in his face.

On another tack, my wife and I were away a couple of weekends ago. We stayed in a hotel with an elevator, as most have. I always open doors for her and let her proceed first which she appreciates.

However, when the elevator door opened, I found myself entering first. My wife looked a little surprised. I told her that I had learned that men enter elevators first to make sure it is safe and clear from either mechanical issues or ne'er do wells.

Has anyone else heard of this practice?

Not that one, no. Nearest I know of is preceding a lady down the stairs (or escalator) in order to provide a soft landing should she lose her footing. Never heard of any such rule relating to lifts (though of course that's not to say it doesn't exist, just I've not encountered it). This does raise the question in my mind as to how many etiquette rule have changed in practice over a period of time, with a lot of rules being reversed by the streamlining of one "ladies first" type rule?

 

[C-dot]

If a woman doesn't want a door opened for her, the polite thing to say is "Please don't hold the door open for me. I'm a liberated woman."

Althought that is polite, its too extreme for today. I would expect to hear that in the 1970s.

Simple manners, like opening doors for people, should not carry such connotations anymore - Like was previously said, it is just good manners, and good manners should never go out of style.

However, when the elevator door opened, I found myself entering first. My wife looked a little surprised. I told her that I had learned that men enter elevators first to make sure it is safe and clear from either mechanical issues or ne'er do wells.

Has anyone else heard of this practice?

I've never heard of that one either, but it does make sense. I'm more familiar with men rushing into the elevator before me because they want to get there first.

 

[Henry Gondorff]

Another thing: we have our second date this evening; :eeek: I had to convince her to let me wear a tie. I first had to promise her that this is the way I dress and nothing special...

 

[rue]

I wish you all the luck in the world Henry

 

[Philip Adams]

You'll be great Henry.....we're all behind you on this one!

You're obviously comfortable in a tie so leave it on and be yourself.



Don't forget to give us an update.

 

[Tomasso]

the real feminists I have met were always the most appreciative of being treated like a lady. [huh]

It was the early 90s and I was alone in the lobby of a NYC hotel waiting on an elevator. Just as the elevator doors opened and I began to step in I noticed out of the corner of my eye two people moving swiftly across the lobby towards me. I assumed that they wanted to catch a ride up so I stepped back to hold the elevator door open. They were two women, one middle aged and one in her early twenties. The older woman had a beaming smile and thanked me for holding the car, while the younger woman barely acknowledge the gesture. When they exited the car the older woman thanked me again. She was Gloria Steinem.

 

[MikeBravo]

It was the early 90s and I was alone in the lobby of a NYC hotel waiting on an elevator. Just as the elevator doors opened and I began to step in I noticed out of the corner of my eye two people moving swiftly across the lobby towards me. I assumed that they wanted to catch a ride up so I stepped back to hold the elevator door open. They were two women, one middle aged and one in her early twenties. The older woman had a beaming smile and thanked me for holding the car, while the younger woman barely acknowledge the gesture. When they exited the car the older woman thanked me again. She was Gloria Steinem.

Nice story!