Dating etiquette

[Dr Doran]

Haven't seen a thread on this in a while. Things for gentlemen and ladies to avoid. Cautionary tales, if you will.

My worst dating etiquette mistake:

My fiancee and I went to a little party held by my ex-girlfriend upon her return from being in the Peace Corps in Zambia for three years. I had seen her once, a week before, privately, which had been strange. My fiancee had never met her but had heard stories galore. The party was at a bar in the Mission District of San Francisco. There were perhaps 8 people present.

After a couple of hours and many drinks, the ex brought me a glass of Scotch. I was pleased as she and I used to drink Scotch together before her Peace Corps departure. A nice gesture. My fiancee watched. Then my ex got herself a glass of Scotch.

I finished mine quicker than she did. I was feeling jolly. She noticed I was done and kind of moved her glass toward me to have some -- and, as old habits die hard,

I DRANK FROM HER GLASS. The ex was fine with this --

but naturally my fiancee felt very strange about it .... She disappeared into the bathroom. The ex's little sister observed and brightly said, "That didn't look good. Might want to clear that up."

We got out, I apologized, my fiancee understood, we got married, and all that ... but ... BIG DATING ETIQUETTE MISTAKE. Close call.

Moral of the story: do not drink from your ex's glass in front of anyone else.

Any more dating etiquette mistakes?

 

[dhermann1]

I'm waiting till your memoirs come out. Should be a best seller.

 

[reetpleat]

I have always been inclined to be on friendly terms with my exes when possible. But when I lived in SF my ex was passing through. I had plans to meet her and was eager for her to meet my current ex girlfriend.

Turns out the gf was less than enthusiastic and my ex had to explain to me that in general, most women are not all that eager to hear about or meet your exes.

Of course some are cool with it, the good ones. And if your ex is a close friend, then it is more legit. But I did learn a lesson. I am not all that enthusiastic to meet my gilrfriends exes either come to think of it. SOmetimes the past is the past.

I would have to say that the drinking from the glas does not seem a big deal. It was the last straw in the whole event of being confroted with the intimacy tou used to have wth the ex. Fortunately, your fiance was cool and came to terms with it. She is quite lovely and cool by the way. Good story.

 

[Johnnysan]

"My fiancee and I went to a little party held by my ex-girlfriend..."

OY! This is one of those lead-ins like: "...and then I hit the bear with a stick." lol lol lol

 

[Dr Doran]

Fortunately, your fiance was cool and came to terms with it. She is quite lovely and cool by the way. Good story.

Thanks! She liked you too.

We are friends with one of her significant exes and see him all the time; another one we see sometimes when we are in Europe (well, by "sometimes" I mean twice: once in Paris, once in Krakow) so the assumption is that all is cool.

 

[Dr Doran]

I'm waiting till your memoirs come out. Should be a best seller.

My dad's are out! They are awesome!

 

[KittyT]

Many of my closest friends are my exes. I share a close personal bond with these particular friends of mine and in many cases, they understand me better than I understand myself. I will not tolerate dating anyone who has a problem with this.

I am also fine meeting a partner's exes. However, for those of you who allow this introduction, a couple of things you need to remember:

1. You need to make your partner feel extra special and extra needed prior to and directly following the meeting. They need to feel like they are your love. Give them no reason to feel second best to your ex.

2. Don't let it happen haphazardly. Make sure they are prepared, know what's in store, know what to expect from your ex. Only once have I met someone's ex unexpectedly. I was messy and dirty from roller derby practice and my wrath was stinging. Don't let this happen to you, gents. Make sure she's prepared so she can look good and maintain her "dignity" lol

 

[pgoat]

You need not neccesarily kiss on the first date - but when you do have your first kiss, please don't say "Mwahh!" while doing it.

 

[Miss Brill]

If it is a first date, don't ask women overly personal questions. Edited by HJ..

 

[KittyT]

Any more dating etiquette mistakes?

You've all seen "Swingers", right? That movie pretty much sums up most of the dating etiquette mistakes to avoid

 

[Dr Doran]

You need not neccesarily kiss on the first date - but you do have your first kiss, please don't say "Mwahh!" while doing it.

I once failed to kiss a woman on our first date and she thought it was a sign that I was not interested. MISTAKE. I guess.

I agree that MWAHH would be another mistake.

 

[Dr Doran]

1. You need to make your partner feel extra special and extra needed prior to and directly following the meeting. They need to feel like they are your love. Give them no reason to feel second best to your ex.

2. Don't let it happen haphazardly. Make sure they are prepared, know what's in store, know what to expect from your ex. Only once have I met someone's ex unexpectedly. I was messy and dirty from roller derby practice and my wrath was stinging. Don't let this happen to you, gents. Make sure she's prepared so she can look good and maintain her "dignity" lol

Very very smart advice!

If it is a first date, don't ask women ...

Wow. I'd be so shocked all I would be able to do is nod, smile, and make a light joke ... I hope no one did that to you ...

 

[Johnnysan]

I once failed to kiss a woman on our first date and she thought it was a sign that I was not interested. MISTAKE.

Me too...except that I married her a year later - now, nearly eighteen years ago!

 

[scotrace]

" A man may be forgiven the kiss to which he was not entitled, but never the kiss he had not the initiative to take."


Also, make sure your blind grandfather knows which girl you will be escorting that evening before he is in her presence and assumes it's the other one.

"Say! Is that you Mary?"

"No, Grandpa, this is Joyce."

"Oh."


As my daughter says, "Awkward!"

 

[RetroBabydoll]

My bf did the same thing, but instead of Scotch.....it was her cupcake. We were at a bar and she showed up. Our friend was celebrating his birthday and he had cupcakes that he handed out to everyone. She had one and offered it to my boyfriend.....he took a bite. I don't know why, but I ended up being hurt a bit. It's a girl thing I guess. My bf didn't understand the big deal. Hmmm.......oh well. I'm happier now that we don't run into her as often.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

Gentlemen......why do ex girlfriends offer food or drink to their ex's in front of the new girlfriend?

 

[Miss Brill]

If it is a first date, don't ask women overly personal questions. Edited by HJ..

Sorry, Mr. Jones.

 

[pgoat]

Gentlemen......why do ex girlfriends offer food or drink to their ex's in front of the new girlfriend?

is this a trick question?lol

 

[pigeon toe]

I can't think of any of my own mistakes right now, but my boyfriend made a BIG one when we were first going out.

I had only been in LA for a few months, and didn't know any of his friends when he invited me to a birthday party for one of his high school friends. Being that I'm quite shy (he knew this, obviously), I expected him to hang with me throughout the night and introduce me to people, etc. That's what you're supposed to do, even if your date is outgoing! Instead he spent the WHOLE night, chatting it up with his ex, leaving me by my nervous self with a bunch of people I had never met before. I was LIVID when we got home.

Eventually I got over it, but still, it was so rude!

 

[Dr Doran]

I don't know why, but I ended up being hurt a bit. It's a girl thing I guess. My bf didn't understand the big deal. Hmmm.......oh well. I'm happier now that we don't run into her as often.

As long as no one accuses your response as being "too white" (JOKE from other post on other thread). People from various ethnic backgrounds (probably all) would find this an intimacy intrusion.

I don't think it's only a girl thing either. I'd be rather annoyed too. And I'd understand the big deal.