Comments You Get When You Dress Vintage

[betty amazing]

I wasn't particularly upset by what he'd said - I take it on the chin now really, but it's not so often that I get a comment that's so personal. Usually people who make comments do just that - make comments, not particularly directed at me, but about me.

I also found it a rather odd assumption that I had a husband, then later he asked me if I was at uni

My boyfriend however loves my vintage clothes, he always wears a suit, and has a rather lovely beard - he does think that some of the things I wear are a little odd, but then I've often found that men don't really understand women's clothing!

xx

 

[sheeplady]

I wasn't particularly upset by what he'd said - I take it on the chin now really, but it's not so often that I get a comment that's so personal. Usually people who make comments do just that - make comments, not particularly directed at me, but about me.

I also found it a rather odd assumption that I had a husband, then later he asked me if I was at uni

My boyfriend however loves my vintage clothes, he always wears a suit, and has a rather lovely beard - he does think that some of the things I wear are a little odd, but then I've often found that men don't really understand women's clothing!

xx

Now that I read this, I'm wondering, do you think he might have just been trying to pick you up? And his comment about the husband was fishing to see if you were attached and the questions about your dress were just trying to make (poor) conversation?

I've had two very weird run-ins with strange men while dressed vintage, each time observers told me I was being flirted with, and the really weird questions were attempts at conversation.

 

[Flicka]

I'd have been more outraged that he assumed that husbands 'sends out' their wives dressed in whatever way. So he assumes that I'm some sort of doll with no mind of my own that my husband dresses in a certain way because, gee, if a man hits on me, poor little brainless me is going to have my head turned, because the aim of my existence is *clearly*
to get approval and sexual confirmation from strange men.

I would probably have asked him if his social dyslexia and general manchauvinism have been obstacles for him in his social interactions and if so, I can recommend a really good therapist.

 

[Roving_Bohemian]

I just wrote a blog post with this thread in mind; I wasn't even really wearing too much of a vintage-inspired outfit. It was a cute dress with a frilled collar, and some brown leather shoes, I'd tried to finger-wave my hair... which was vaguely successful (you can see in the blog what I was wearing) and some guy at the bar I was working at actually said to me

"Does your husband send you out like that so other men don't hit on you?"

Um... what? I do get the occasional comment in the street, but in my place of work, where I can't escape without giving a reaction, it just hit home a little bit too much! He asked me why I couldn't just wear jeans, like the other girl I was working with - all I can say is that I like to be feminine, and to wear dresses, and if that isn't attractive to men then I'm not sure what the answer is!

Not that I'd want him to find me attractive, as he was clearly an imbecile.

xx

Ms. Betty, that's EXACTLY the point: he is clearly an imbecile!

Sadly, that's actually (whether he intended it to be or not) a "real" flirting technique that some guys use, and even worse, at times to good effect! :eeek: (one of the many tragedies of modern "ladies", they settle, instead of having higher expectations) As one guy said when I asked him why he had to be so rude, "Some chicks dig it!" :eusa_doh: clearly showing a lack of class.
As someone else put it, "I think its just a case of never advancing your flirting skills beyond things learned in a sandbox."

...
I would probably have asked him if his social dyslexia and general manchauvinism have been obstacles for him in his social interactions and if so, I can recommend a really good therapist.

Mz Flicka, I think your retort is brilliant! :eusa_clap

 

[rene_writer]

To answer the question on your blog post, the longer I work in retail the more I see that everything is open to criticism. I've been told my body looks like a hooker's, that I'm too pale, that my boobs must be fake, that I wear a lot of make-up, that I wear too little make-up, that I need to do something with my hair, that I appear to be old, that I must be a mom, that I look poor... the list goes on and on. This is all WHILE IN UNIFORM mind. I'm dressed just like all the other clones.

That said, though, I generally get way more nice comments than mean comments. Oh, and men totally use harsh critique as pick-up lines. One of my male co-workers' favorite theory is "treat 'em like dirt and they'll stick like mud". I want to slap him every time he says it.

 

[Rudie]

Good for you, Rene. He seems to be looking for low self-esteem women.

 

[Flicka]

Men always try that pick-up technique with me, and then they get terribly insulted when I give them the response they deserve. A simple question like: "Tell me, were you always this rude or is it a quality you acquired later in life?" and they act like I'm a big old meanie.

For some reason, I attract that kind of men. I think I must look like I have low self-esteem (which I do, but not that low).

On a more cheerful note, I have a picture of Myrna Loy on my calendar and yesterday one of my co-workers squinted at it and said: "Looks a lot like you. Who is it?"

As I resemble Myrna Loy about as much as an elephant does a giraffe, I assume he was referring to my hair and style and probably he just thought "oooold-style, like a black and white movie", but it's still a wonderful compliment.

 

[Juliet]

Dear. This is depressing. I thought this strange and covert flirting strategy was a local thing.

 

[sheeplady]

Dear. This is depressing. I thought this strange and covert flirting strategy was a local thing.

Apparently not.

 

[AdrianLvsRocky]

On Saturday, I was out with a few friends in a bar and was approached by a gentleman in his late 60s. He asked if he could have a photo with me and asked to "act like you're in love with me".

 

[Edward]

Oh, and men totally use harsh critique as pick-up lines. One of my male co-workers' favorite theory is "treat 'em like dirt and they'll stick like mud". I want to slap him every time he says it.

The sad thing is that there are enough women out there who reinforce these notions that they are perpetuated. Usually the same girls that moan about the lack of "nice men".... and then laugh in the face of the latter.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

Usually the same girls that moan about the lack of "nice men".... and then laugh in the face of the latter.

The mirror image can also be found in the guy who goes to a bar, especially a dodgy one*, hoping to meet the nice girl who wouldn't be caught dead there in the first place. I think people place way too much store on kismet. :doh:lol

*usually such persons often have an appalling sense of cause and effect.

 

[betty amazing]

On a vaguely related note, on Wordpress's Freshly Pressed today there is a post from a lady fed up with the "he only picks on you because he likes you" attitude that we seem to excuse bad behaviour in children with. You can read that here!

To answer the question on your blog post, the longer I work in retail the more I see that everything is open to criticism. I've been told my body looks like a hooker's, that I'm too pale, that my boobs must be fake, that I wear a lot of make-up, that I wear too little make-up, that I need to do something with my hair, that I appear to be old, that I must be a mom, that I look poor... the list goes on and on. This is all WHILE IN UNIFORM mind. I'm dressed just like all the other clones.

That said, though, I generally get way more nice comments than mean comments. Oh, and men totally use harsh critique as pick-up lines. One of my male co-workers' favorite theory is "treat 'em like dirt and they'll stick like mud". I want to slap him every time he says it.

Oh my! That's awful! Working in customer service I think you learn to brush off some comments, but these area all really harsh! I'm glad you get more nice ones than meanies though xxxxx

 

[Flicka]

All I'm going to say is that I spent 12 years in a relationship with a man who treated me like dirt and the experience was quite enough. Also, 'nice' men never flirt with me. Ever. 'Nice' men tend to treat me as I have no gender whatsoever, but obnoxious idiots are all over me. Would that I know why. Maybe I don't come across as a 'nice' girl?

 

[fortworthgal]

Oh, and men totally use harsh critique as pick-up lines. One of my male co-workers' favorite theory is "treat 'em like dirt and they'll stick like mud". I want to slap him every time he says it.

The worst part is that for many women, this is the truth. Rude, arrogant men seem to attract women. Do not understand it.

I guess this also explains my dating record before meeting my husband. Anytime I received rude or arrogant comments from a guy, I threw it right back at them. Several times this backfired and the guys actually got *more* interested (I guess they like a challenge?) and tried to ask me out repeatedly. :lol: Needless to say, they got nowhere.

 

[HannahJane]

I've had friends who always seem to get involved with men who are rude to them but I've never understood what the attraction was. Similar to fortworthgal this might explain my dating history. Boys who are rude seem to think it a challenge when you are rude back, sometimes it takes a lot to get them to see that you are not playing some mind game but you really want them to go away!

I think the approach of treating a girl badly and her responding might explain why some women complain about the lack of nice guys/ being chatted up by nice guys. I'm mostly saying this because of a friend of mine would always complain that "No nice guys ever hit on me" when actually they did but she didn't realise it because she was so used to flirtation consisting of insults.

I got a quite interesting comment while at work today. I working in a restaurant/ bar and was wearing a white blouse and black pencil skirt with my hair in rolls. I had noticed that one table kept on looking at me a lot but didn’t think much of it until they were about to leave and one lady took me to one side. She whispered to me “Sorry if this is inappropriate but are you a burlesque dancer? Because you look like you are!” She look disappointed when I told her I didn’t do burlesque because apparently they had been discussing it all evening and she was convinced I must be a dancer!

 

[Cricket]

Getting ready for work this morning, I was happy to use my new set of hot rollers on a hairstyle. I came out of the bathroom with what I thought was a nice, curly hairdo, pulled back with combs into almost fake victory rolls on the side. I even added a bow on the side.

My husband pointed to the rolls and asked, "what are those?"


My response: "They are like fake victory rolls."

Him: "You look like a nurse."

I just rolled my eyes and walked away as he shouted, "But I like them."

 

[magnolia76]

I was in church on Christmas Day wearing a grey pencil skirt, a blue blouse, and heels with my red lipstick. I was dressed vintage, but not too over the top. After the service the 90 year old man behind me (he had 3 hairs on his head and thick black glasses, so cute!) takes my arm and says, "Miss, you are a very handsome woman!" I couldn't help but laugh, I had always thought I would be insulted being called "handsome" but this guy was completely sincere. Then he turned to my boyfriend and says, "You're not so bad either." It made our day.

 

[MissLaurieMarie]

I was in Starbucks the other day and the barista was so sweet to me, saying she loved my hair etc. Then she wrote this on my cup (I was really excited she wrote my name right until I saw the rest!) I couldn't help but just blush and say thank you over and over again.

Then in Wal-Mart our cashier said that he loved my 40s hairdo (I had victory rolls in and a beret on) and that he loved that I had my own style instead of following the trends. He was so sweet! I find the people in my town are always really complementary of my style and are never afraid to say when someone looks good (not just to me, either!)

 

[Black Dahlia]

I was in Starbucks the other day and the barista was so sweet to me, saying she loved my hair etc. Then she wrote this on my cup (I was really excited she wrote my name right until I saw the rest!) I couldn't help but just blush and say thank you over and over again.

Then in Wal-Mart our cashier said that he loved my 40s hairdo (I had victory rolls in and a beret on) and that he loved that I had my own style instead of following the trends. He was so sweet! I find the people in my town are always really complementary of my style and are never afraid to say when someone looks good (not just to me, either!)

So cute Laurie! I had a fan at a Starbucks here who always put hearts on my cup, sadly they are gone and I don't have that to look forward to! ha ha

I was in church on Christmas Day wearing a grey pencil skirt, a blue blouse, and heels with my red lipstick. I was dressed vintage, but not too over the top. After the service the 90 year old man behind me (he had 3 hairs on his head and thick black glasses, so cute!) takes my arm and says, "Miss, you are a very handsome woman!" I couldn't help but laugh, I had always thought I would be insulted being called "handsome" but this guy was completely sincere. Then he turned to my boyfriend and says, "You're not so bad either." It made our day.

I think that's really great that he complimented you both, so cute!

Cricket, that is too funny! I bet your hair looked super sweet.

X
BD