Clean Jokes

[Frunobulax]

So I went to Waffle House and my waitress had a tag on her chest saying, "Pat."

Long story short; I'm not allowed in Waffle House anymore.

 

[My Scooter]

 

[Turnip]

First Sunday in Advent

 

[Trenchfriend]

I did social distancing before it was cool...

 

[LostInTyme]

 

[GHT]

 

[My Scooter]

 

[GHT]

A woman takes her dog to the vet because it has an ear infection. The vet cleans the dog's ear and treats it with antibiotic drops. He then says to the woman "That's fine now, but you are going to need to treat both ears with hair-removal cream every month from now on to prevent the infection recurring."

On the way home, she stops off at the pharmacist and asks for some hair-removal cream. The pharmacist hands over the cream and says "If you are using this under your arms, then avoid using deodorant for 2 days." The woman says "Oh, it's not for under my arms." "Well" says the pharmacist "If you are going to use it on your legs, don't shave for 5 days." "But it's not for my legs either" says the woman "It's for my Schnauzer." "Well in that case" says the pharmacist "Don't ride your bike for a week."

 

[LostInTyme]

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

 

[Frunobulax]

OK, I'm in a hurry, so just the punch lines:

"At these prices, I'm not surprised!"

"He reads lips"

"Because he doesn't want to be spotted"

"Because if they jumped forward, they would still be in the boat!"

"Who's that up there on the balcony with Leroy?"

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, try the veal.

 

[Turnip]

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

That’s pretty simple because in Sweden you have to turn on your headlights anytime you’re about driving a vehicle, no matter what weather or daytime …

 

[My Scooter]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Zombie_61]

 

[Trenchfriend]

Classic.

 

[Frunobulax]

1980s: Don't get in a stranger's car.

1990s: Don't meet up with people from the internet.

2022: Use your Uber app to call a stranger on the internet and get in their car.

 

[My Scooter]

 

[LostInTyme]

On Wealth

You aren't wealthy until you have something
money can't buy.
Apparently, I am very wealthy.
No-one buys anything
I have for sale.​

 

[Tiki Tom]

Dad joke:

What do you call a monster made of cheese?

Gorgonzilla.