Clean Jokes

[BobHufford]

Sorry ...

 

[Trenchfriend]

Man:
"Wow, that´s a beautiful blouse, honey. I´ve never seen it on you!"

Wife:
"Right, I just found it yesterday, on the back seat of your old Camaro, mother fucker!!"

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Frunobulax]

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator (only a fraction of people will find this funny).

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[LostInTyme]

What do you call a magician who loses his magic?


Ian….

 

[clementishutin]

What do you call someone who speaks only 1 language?

An American.

LOL.

 

[LostInTyme]

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[hatsRme]

Pretend you’re in Boston, then read…

Something to crow about!

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”

Apologies….

 

[Turnip]

Doctor: You urgently need to quit abusing yourself,

Patient: Why?

Doctor: I couldn’t treat you otherwise.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Zombie_61]

Okay, but which one of them is you?

 

[Turnip]

The guy who could slap the two others outta their suits without taking the right hand off the chin…

 

[LostInTyme]

This is MY chair, and I don't care where Dad sits.

 

[Trenchfriend]

In a bavarian cloister lived a nun, which could drive cars. On one errand, her fuel sadly ends 100 meter before the gas station!

She goes to the station and asks the attendant, if he got a canister with some fuel for her. The attendant negates, but got another idea. He jumps upstairs to it´s room and comes back with his pisspot. He gives it to her with three liters fuel.

The nun goes to her car and starts to fill in the fuel. Another car stops by and the driver says:
"I would like to have your belief!!"

 

[LostInTyme]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Tiki Tom]

This seems like a harsh punishment.