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Clean Jokes
- Thread starter jamespowers
- Start date
- Status
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,775
- Location
- New Forest
Cofee brick? Message? Must be that free wife again.
There's always a catch. With every free wife comes a free mother-in-law.
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- Messages
- 14,795
- Messages
- 19,409
- Location
- Funkytown, USA
And it was still there several years later when Judas Priest found it!
- Messages
- 19,409
- Location
- Funkytown, USA
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,775
- Location
- New Forest
- Messages
- 15,563
- Location
- East Central Indiana
Clean joke..??
Fifty150
Call Me a Cab
- Messages
- 2,113
- Location
- The Barbary Coast
Why? Why me? Of all the drunk girls I could go home with at the end of the night? I let this revolutionary princess take me home. Sleeping with her was like going to one of Mao's re-education camps. She would give me a bed to sleep in and a meal, but I had to do hard labor - drive her and her goons to all of their demonstrations, then keep the engine running in case they needed a fast getaway. Blame it on youthful ignorance. Aiding and abetting a government subversive, a foreign agent.
She told me that she was related to The Crown Prince, and that on the other side of the family, there was a very powerful Imam. To me, she was just another refugee from a country in political turmoil. I might as well tell everyone I am related to The Last Emperor, rightful heir to The Imperial Throne, and leading a revolution to overthrow The Communist People's Republic - with a "gofundme". I had to ask, "Why isn't your brother back home, taking up arms, and fighting for his people? He's not going to help your uncle, The Emirate, stay in power, or repel the extremist Mullahs, bloodthirsty warlords, and communist hordes, by dancing the night away in discos with bottle service."
Politics makes for strange bedfellows. She was at the forefront of a lot of protests and rallies. Pictures in the papers with her screaming into a Radio Shack megaphone. I saw her on campus, handing out flyers. She was trying to recruit for the next big protest or whatever fundraiser. And it was always a fundraiser. Just like a house of worship, every event yielded a pile of $1's, $5's, $10's & $20's. I thought only strippers took home that many small bills. It was all cash. Unreported. Untaxed. No standard accounting practices. And there was a lot of it. It paid all of her living expenses. And she lived well. All of the other student activist didn't see a dime. They did all the work, including collecting the "donations", and she took every penny.
I told her that I was ambivalent. I don't really care about what happens to her country, or her people.
She tells me, "My people? You are my people. We are the same people. Far East. Middle East. East Asia. Central Asia. Japan. China. Okinawa. Kazakhstan. Turkey. Jordan. Saudis. Yemen. Even Israel, The Yahoodies, are Asian. It's all a part of the same continent of Asia. Are all Americans so ignorant? Is this what happens when Asian parents raise their children in America? You lose sense of who you are?"
I have a big mouth. Most of the time, I talk a lot of siht, and really have no idea what I am saying. "Oh, yeah? You forgot about all the bourgeois Aye-Rabs. The ones who speak French. Wear French perfume and French silk shirts. Moroccans. Algerians. Like those Algerians who are always hanging out @ The Cafe. They don't work. They aren't students anywhere. They all ride Ducati racing bikes. They probably pledge allegiance to Napoleon. I've seen 'Casablanca'. And you think my friends are hooligans because we ride American Harley Davidsons."
"Egypt, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya. Those countries are in Africa. They are not like us. Those guys at The Coffee Shop are African Americans."
She told me that she was related to The Crown Prince, and that on the other side of the family, there was a very powerful Imam. To me, she was just another refugee from a country in political turmoil. I might as well tell everyone I am related to The Last Emperor, rightful heir to The Imperial Throne, and leading a revolution to overthrow The Communist People's Republic - with a "gofundme". I had to ask, "Why isn't your brother back home, taking up arms, and fighting for his people? He's not going to help your uncle, The Emirate, stay in power, or repel the extremist Mullahs, bloodthirsty warlords, and communist hordes, by dancing the night away in discos with bottle service."
Politics makes for strange bedfellows. She was at the forefront of a lot of protests and rallies. Pictures in the papers with her screaming into a Radio Shack megaphone. I saw her on campus, handing out flyers. She was trying to recruit for the next big protest or whatever fundraiser. And it was always a fundraiser. Just like a house of worship, every event yielded a pile of $1's, $5's, $10's & $20's. I thought only strippers took home that many small bills. It was all cash. Unreported. Untaxed. No standard accounting practices. And there was a lot of it. It paid all of her living expenses. And she lived well. All of the other student activist didn't see a dime. They did all the work, including collecting the "donations", and she took every penny.
I told her that I was ambivalent. I don't really care about what happens to her country, or her people.
She tells me, "My people? You are my people. We are the same people. Far East. Middle East. East Asia. Central Asia. Japan. China. Okinawa. Kazakhstan. Turkey. Jordan. Saudis. Yemen. Even Israel, The Yahoodies, are Asian. It's all a part of the same continent of Asia. Are all Americans so ignorant? Is this what happens when Asian parents raise their children in America? You lose sense of who you are?"
I have a big mouth. Most of the time, I talk a lot of siht, and really have no idea what I am saying. "Oh, yeah? You forgot about all the bourgeois Aye-Rabs. The ones who speak French. Wear French perfume and French silk shirts. Moroccans. Algerians. Like those Algerians who are always hanging out @ The Cafe. They don't work. They aren't students anywhere. They all ride Ducati racing bikes. They probably pledge allegiance to Napoleon. I've seen 'Casablanca'. And you think my friends are hooligans because we ride American Harley Davidsons."
"Egypt, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya. Those countries are in Africa. They are not like us. Those guys at The Coffee Shop are African Americans."
Fifty150
Call Me a Cab
- Messages
- 2,113
- Location
- The Barbary Coast
Ditrty thoughts..??
LostInTyme
Practically Family
- Messages
- 539
What happened to the "jokes"? Jokes should be funny, humorous and make you smile and laugh. Perhaps, I just fail to see the point.
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LostInTyme
Practically Family
- Messages
- 539
Scariest part of born to be wild is when they find a head out on the highway
I tried this joke out on two other forums, by just giving the first two lines of the first stanza. NOBODY got the point.
Even when I pointed out that there was a HEAD out on the highway, still NOBODY (and I even wrote no body) could figure it out. I think it's one of the funniest things I have read in some time.
I tried this joke out on two other forums, by just giving the first two lines of the first stanza. NOBODY got the point.
Even when I pointed out that there was a HEAD out on the highway, still NOBODY (and I even wrote no body) could figure it out. I think it's one of the funniest things I have read in some time.
- Messages
- 19,409
- Location
- Funkytown, USA
Even though I think his birthday was in April...
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,775
- Location
- New Forest
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local bar. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revellers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “Of course, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “Of course, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
1967Cougar390
Practically Family
- Messages
- 789
- Location
- South Carolina
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
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