Clean Jokes

[GHT]

I lost my job with the funeral directors last week because I kept asking customers whether they wanted “Smoking” or “Non-smoking"
Apparently the preferred terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Is this too corny..??

 

[Turnip]

Social distancing

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Robieman]

I thought some of you ex military might get a "kick" out of this...

 

[Hurricane Jack]

"If You See Something, Say Something" -- Homeland Security

 

[Turnip]

OOOKAAAY - AND THE OTHER TWO WISHES?

 

[Turnip]

THANKS TO HIS URINAL CATHETER JÜRGEN HAS BEEN VERY LUCKY IN THIS CRASH.

 

[Benny Holiday]

Ouch!

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Hungry, little?"

"No, he wants to go to Tokio Hotel."

 

[Turnip]

Practicing Social Distancing

Right

Wrong

 

[Trenchfriend]

A young man with a young (female) social pedagogue in bed, but both sadly bored and idealess.

"Hm, what do we want to do?"

"Hm. I give you a b.....b . "Is that okay for you?"

 

[Turnip]

Lesson Two, Keeping Six Feet Distance

Right

Wrong

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 277946

I heard it where the angry driver gave the passive driver the finger.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Most famous GDR joke:

GDR launched a new improved metal wire, which is so thin, that the usual measuring tools can't measure it.
So GDR sends the wire in a small parcel to Japan. BUT they forgot to enclose the letter, which contains the request to measure it.

Then, the wire comes back with a letter from the japanese engineers:
"We are sorry, but we didn't know what to do with the wire. So we cut an outer and inner thread in."

Best regards.

 

[Benny Holiday]

Benny Holiday's tip of the day: When your wife asks you what's on TV, don't reply, "Dust."

 

[Benny Holiday]

The man who holds the world record for pronouncing the most difficult tongue twisters was arrested this morning. No doubt he’ll be given a tough sentence.

 

[Turnip]

Real courage is: Coming home late at night, full to the ridge, meeting your wife waiting with a broom in her hands in the hallway and asking her: „Want to clean up or just take a ride?“