Clean Jokes

[GHT]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday.
"I'd love to be ten again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!
Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

 

[GHT]

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Zombie_61]

^ I'd love to do that, but to get back at me my family would give me the smallest piece.

 

[Frunobulax]

View attachment 272376

HAHAHAHA!

 

[Turnip]

 

[Turnip]

For those looking for adventure, Irish showers with electrical flow heaters.

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 272499

I'll bet it's midnight & they just came from the Walmart Supercenter.

 

[Bamaboots]

I'll bet it's midnight & they just came from the Walmart Supercenter.

No doubt.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

 

[HoosierDaddy]

 

[Tiki Tom]

Why do the French usually have just one egg for breakfast?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

 

[Turnip]

On Sunday mornings you can often find Frank out in the nature.

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Forty elbows on a street crossing, wtf??

Aah, Opel Manta meeting!"

 

[Trenchfriend]

At night, a man random looks out his kitchen window and suddenly sees one of his friends rushing along the street.

"Hey, why you're walking so fast, Peter??"

"I must go to a lecture, urgent!"

"What?? But still no one gives a lecture in the deep of the night!"

"There you know my wife poorly!"

 

[GHT]

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Colour of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Colour of hair?

Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my Jeep.

Sergeant:
What kind of Jeep was it?

Husband: (sobbing)
It's a 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps,Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer......
(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Jeep.

 

[Turnip]

From early years of www.

A couple is having fun in bedroom. Suddenly the boy freezes and holds his posture for about 30 seconds.

Girl: What’s up?

Boy: That’s the latest hot sh.t i saw the pros doing in the web, it’s called „buffering“.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

From early years of www.

A couple is having fun in bedroom. Suddenly the boy freezes and holds his posture for about 30 seconds.

Girl: What’s up?

Boy: That’s the latest hot sh.t i saw the pros doing in the web, it’s called „buffering“.

LOL...the days of dialup ISP.