Clean Jokes

[Frunobulax]

 

[Trenchfriend]

My girlfriend is like my cottage.



I don't have a cottage...

 

[Benny Holiday]

I was in an antique store the other day and they had a pencil that had belonged to William Shakespeare. He'd chewed the end of it though, so i couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

 

[Benny Holiday]

For those who remember those corny Mastercard commercials from a few years back:

Chinese takeout: $24.50
Gas to drive there: $4.20
Getting home only to find out you'd left one of the containers behind: Riceless!

 

[Benny Holiday]

Cannibal fast food: Kevin Bacon loaded fries.

 

[Zombie_61]

Cannibal fast food: Kevin Bacon loaded fries.

"Do I know Kevin Bacon? I had lunch with him!"

 

[GHT]

A week after Farmer John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass., won’t even look at a cow.”
“Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested. The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all the neighbouring farm's cows! He’s like a machine!” “What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend. “I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”

 

[drmaxtejeda]

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[drmaxtejeda]

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[Bamaboots]

 

[Randall Renshaw]

An older man and his friend were sitting in the living room watching Andy Griffith reruns, turns to his pal and says, “hey, the doc gave me a prescription for memory loss. I don’t forget nothing anymore!”
“Oh yeah?” he asked. “I need some of that. What’s it called?”
The old gent rubs his chin and says, “well...
um...er...I know what it’s called, it’s on the tip of my tongue! it’s...it’s...Oh! what’s that long stemmed red flower women like for you to give them for special occasions?”
The guy answers, “a rose?”
Yeah! That’s it!” He turns his head toward the kitchen and yells, “Hey, Rose! What’s the name of that memory medicine the doc gave me that’s been working so well?”



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[drmaxtejeda]

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[BobHufford]

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Trenchfriend]

Pick-up lines:

"Is here McDonalds?
You're McCute."

 

[Frunobulax]

Pick-up lines:

"Is here McDonalds?
You're McCute."

Let me know if that one works.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Let me know if that one works.

Use that line & you might get kicked in the McRibs!

 

[Frunobulax]

Use that line & you might get kicked in the McRibs!

A little lower if we're talking about Mrs. Frunobulax.

 

[Hurricane Jack]

A little lower if we're talking about Mrs. Frunobulax.

Not as limber as she used to be?

 

[Trenchfriend]

I invented another one:

"Hey, I wear my new skinny jeans.

Would you like to help me out, this evening?"