Clean Jokes

[Turnip]

 

[Frunobulax]

Dog: "Oh, I love you I'm devoted to you I'll follow you to the ends of the earth!"

Me: "Let me have the ball."

Dog: "$%?! off."

 

[Turnip]

 

[BobHufford]

My grandson asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable, wondering to myself why he didn't ask his mother, but gave him an honest explanation. He looked dumbfounded and stared at me wide eyed in stunned silence for a few seconds and then asked ...

"And Tigger?"

 

[Zombie_61]

 

[GHT]

I have no doubt Prince Andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences! No sweat.

 

[Turnip]

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Hey, Mike, nice to see you! Man, you're looking so well, like having the best time of your life!

Hi, Dan! Yeah, you know, my wife died half a year ago.

Oh my!

Nah, I let her incinerate. Then I mixed her ash with Marihuana and that was the first time in my life, that I had a good feeling with her!"

 

[Turnip]

I got a seniors‘ satnav now.

It does not only show me the way to any destination, it also tells me what I wanted there.

 

[Zombie_61]

 

[Trenchfriend]

@Zombie_61
I don't get it.

 

[GHT]

@Zombie_61
I don't get it.

Think about it. We use the French expression "double entendre," meaning it has two definitions.

 

[Turnip]

Only for visualization, just like…

and

…in German.

 

[Turnip]

…giving the old German saying: „Lieber den Spatz(i) in der Hand als die Taube auf dem Dach“ an additional level in Austrian-German connotation, on top of the only two leveled German…

 

[Zombie_61]

@Zombie_61
I don't get it.

The joke is in Pulaski's use of the word "see" in her reply to Riker, which in this context has two definitions. "...I can't see him right now...", meaning she's busy and doesn't have time to examine him, and also meaning she would not be able to see him because he was actually invisible.

 

[LostInTyme]

When it has to be explained, it loses it's humorous intent. Too bad. I saw it first as a DAD joke. I thought it funny enough without the pictures.

 

[Zombie_61]

When it has to be explained, it loses it's humorous intent. Too bad. I saw it first as a DAD joke. I thought it funny enough without the pictures.

And that "Dad joke" humor was one of the reasons I've never cared for any of the Star Trek shows from the Next Generation era--swing and a miss on the "humor" and the "action", and very little of it believable even as science fiction; just a bunch of adults doing low level cosplay with few exceptions.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Morning time.
A guy becomes a nice birthday present to his 40th birthday. A generous coupon to charter a combat tank for half a day!

Lunch time.
A very disliked neighbor is sitting in his kitchen. Suddenly, he hears a strange growling sound, getting louder and louder until a vibration joins in. He decides to open his kitchen window to find out, what's going on on the street. As he opens the window, he suddenly looks directly into the muzzle of a 120mm gun barrel.
And the neighbor calls him:
"If your dog will poop in my garden, once again, YOUR HOUSE WILL GET A NEW AIR-CONDITION!"

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[GHT]