Clean Jokes

[Bamaboots]

The modern definition of point #3 could be interesting...

Thought so as well. Don’t think my mom ever read this issue.

 

[Harp]

View attachment 306552

As a confirmed Irish bachelor I really never knew that a wife should never ? her husband if he
stays out all night, knows her place etc. All the mature ladies I date get to the interrogation part pronto.
They will make the first move. But the always a bachelor never married really grates them.
And they cannot wait to do the third degree (first dinner date break the ice) without even Miranda warning.
"May I ask why?" with an edge, like a razor blade. And I always hand out my standard stock in trade
pocket ready reply: never met the right girl. This line usta work. Like a charm. Not no more.
Got my a.. chewed out, up one side, down the other. Their on to this one. The philosophical Socratic
spiel. How do I know??? Loud, right in the middle of the restaurant. After this particular date I decided
to use the 007 James Bond line: "I prefer a bachelor's freedom." But I always chicken out.

 

[Bamaboots]

But the always a bachelor never married really grates them.

Yep. Sort of like the stigma attached to the woman who never wanted children.

 

[Harp]

Yep. Sort of like the stigma attached to the woman who never wanted children.

I have met several women whom have been quite frank about not wanting children,
though none I ever dated, and the societal stigma they have dealt with. I admired their honesty.
When I was younger, the biological clock occasionally struck Cinderella.
And Cinderella didn't want to go home....

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Walking into the bar, Mike called out to Charlie the bartender,

‘Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came crawlin' to me down on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' asked Charlie? 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

‘Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit!'

 

[Harp]

Thread jogs memory. Childhood family dinners were usually boisterous in our house.
I do remember asking my dad "Dad, how were those Japanese girls during the War?"
Stunned silence. Lead balloon crash-n-burn. And my mother's stern rebuke.
"Your father knows nothing about Japanese girls."
My dad, who possessed the Irish gift of gab was unusually taciturn all through supper.
Dad often spoke about Japan and Mt Fujiyama. I later explained to him man-to-man
that I had a real interest in Japanese stuff. Television, back in the day, offered a ton of WWII fare.
Any questions were to be directed to him when my mom wasn't around.

 

[Spiney]

Where did Hitler hide his armies?

In his sleevies.

 

[Frunobulax]

Doesn’t seem to be a joke thread anyway. Everyone just talking about stuff.

Well, except for the jokes, memes, funny stories, and amusing anecdotes.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

That's what I was thinking.....

 

[Spiney]

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other ‘ how do you drive this thing ?’

 

[GHT]

I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I buy single ply toilet paper.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Boris Jelzin <> Donald Trump...

 

[Trenchfriend]

Hi, Doctor!

Hello, Mr. Schmidt! What does your old evil?

She's sitting at home, peeling potatoes.

 

[Artifex]

Hi, Doctor!

Hello, Mr. Schmidt! What does your old evil?

She's sitting at home, peeling potatoes.

If I'm interpreting correctly, perhaps "how's that pain in the neck" would be a better translation than "what does your old evil"?

(The joke being that a doctor would ask after a literal pain in your neck, but it can also mean something or someone who is particularly annoying)

 

[Tiki Tom]

Strictly speaking, this is nothing to laugh about.

Headline: “Jamaica’s marijuana shortage branded a cultural embarrassment.”

https://news.sky.com/story/jamaicas-marijuana-shortage-branded-a-cultural-embarrassment-12209752

We really Are in the end times.

 

[Frunobulax]

Saturday morning toons...

 

[Harp]

Strictly speaking, this is nothing to laugh about.
We really Are in the end times.

Now listening NPR, apparently there is a national chicken wing shortage. And Super Bowl tomorrow.
End zone times.

Just drinking first cup of joe. Pullin for Kansas City and Mahomes; whom the Bears coulda had easy.

 

[Frunobulax]

The President was politicking on an Oklahoma reservation, and touring the place with the Tribal Leadership Council. During the tour, the Council told the Prez that, though they had a new health care facility, they were having trouble getting a doctor to fill the necessary spot. The President gets on his phone and shouts into it for a few minutes, then he tells them he pulled some strings and a doctor would be there in a few days. The Council then indicated they had been having trouble because a local mine had polluted their water supply and they've had to supply their residents with bottled water at great expense.

The President then shouts into his phone for a few minutes, afterwards telling the council he has cancelled the mine's lease and fined them the amount it will take to build a purification plant. He then turns to the Council and asks if there are any other issues. One of the Council then pipes up with, "Well, the reservation has no cell service..."

 

[Hurricane Jack]

Reality TV

 

[Harp]

Economic comment

Secretary of the U.S.Treasury Janet Yellen admits $1.9 trillion stimulus is a possible inflationary risk.