Clean Jokes

[Trenchfriend]

Teacher asks:
"How's the only animal named, which the Lion is afraid of?"

Herbert:
"Misses Lion!"

 

[GHT]

"An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment ...
adjusted his glasses, and leaned over towards her and whispered
'Excuse me, but is that one word or two?"

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Ma'am, you were on holiday, too?"

"Yes, in Italy."

"Did you drive over the Brenner, too?"

"Yes, we drove over someone, but I don't know, if the name was Brenner."

 

[Trenchfriend]

GDR-joke:

"Hey, nice to see you!"

"Hello, my friend."

"But why do you look so sad?"

"See, I got a new pair of sandals."

"But this is a reason for joy!"

"Nah, they cost 97,50 Mark.

"97,50 Mark, what the hell??"

"7,50 Mark and I used 90 Mark on gas."

 

[Zombie_61]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Trenchfriend]

Simon and Garfunkel?

They both are excesses. Garfunkel may be a real freak, but on the other side, Simon is an undercooled freak, too.

 

[Trenchfriend]

Reporter asks an 108 year old man:
"Whereon do you ascribe your high age to?"

"I cannot say, yet. I'm still debating with an herbal liquor-manufacturer and an oat flakes-manufacturer."

 

[Trenchfriend]

Astronauts in space.

Long behind the moon, the instruments fail. One astronaut says:
"Oh my god!"

A dark voice from space calls: "Yeah, what's up?"

 

[Hurricane Jack]

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 264047

LOL! Thoroughly enjoyed that one!

 

[Zombie_61]

LOL! Thoroughly enjoyed that one!

Seconded!

 

[Trenchfriend]

The ward physician asks the fresh graduated nurse:

"Did you draw blood on patient Nr. 6?"

"Yes, of course. But I couldn't get more than six litres out of him!"

""

 

[Trenchfriend]

In Hamburg, twelve students scored a new record! They positioned themselves under one umbrella, without getting wet!

The trial will be repeated next time, when it's raining.

 

[Trenchfriend]

"Hey, Egon, do you believe in black magic?"

"Yeah, since my wife is cooking."

 

[Trenchfriend]

The host:
"Don't you think, my wife sings very well?"
Guest:
"Excuse me??"
Host:
"I said: "Don't you think, my wife sings extra well, today?"
Guest:
"I'm sorry, I didn't understand you again. This broad there in the back bawls so terrible loud."

 

[BobHufford]

 

[Frunobulax]

No clean joke. Real world.

Truck Pulling Trailer Full Of Monkeys Catches Fire On I-287

No word on if the monkeys were typing Shakespeare at the time.

Or Michael Bay, even.

 

[Bushman]

Well, as long as we're sharing funny news...

Five parrots separated at British zoo after encouraging each other to curse profusely at guests
"But if they teach the others bad language and I end up with 250 swearing birds, I don't know what we'll do."

I don't know about you guys, but I'd pay top dollar to see 250 swearing parrots.