Childhood, Today's Kids...and The Goonies

[Nathan Dodge]

Guys, you're veering off topic here.

So do those of you with children allow them outside unattended or do you keep constant tabs on them?

 

[kamikat]

Don't you know that veering off topic is a classic message board activity?

I think I strike a balance. The problem is that there aren't many kids out. There is safety in numbers, ya know? My kids are allowed to ride the local bike trails, up to the library, park, ect if they are together or with a friend, but not if it's just a single child alone. My kids are allowed to ride to friends' houses, but they have to tell me which friend and they have to call if they are going somewhere else. They are allowed to walk/ride bikes to and from school without an adult, which is very rare. However, not many other kids are allowed to and there are some of their friends who are not allowed to come to our house because the parents think I don't watch them enough. One parent reprimanded me for failing to directly supervise the children while they played on our swing set, in our fenced in backyard, at 9 years old. On the flip side, there are a couple kids that mine aren't allowed to play with because the kids are allowed to watch R rated movies and play mature rated video games.

 

[sheeplady]

They've learned that with many learning disablities, the younger the child is diagnosed and treated, the better chances for mainstreaming. When my brother-in-law was a kid, they didn't diagnose him until he was in high school. Until then, they thought he was dumb because he was a slow reader and didn't really understand what he read. Once he got treatment, he had to bust his bum to catch up. It's the same thing with hearing problems. My kids' elementary school is the magnet school for the county's deaf/hard of hearing kids. They work with them as young as 3 years old so they can be mainstreamed as soon as possible. When I was in school, the deaf kids were always in the special ed classes, even if they were smart.

I'm a big supporter of mainstreaming. The only cases where I cannot see mainstreaming is if the child absolutely cannot be comfortable or learn from the environment (with reasonable assistance).

My cousin's son was recently rejected by a mainstreamed kindergarten and recommended that her child be put into a special education school that specializes in special need children with severe disabilities. This child is non-verbal, knows about 80-100 signs, and is not potty trained. He is 5 years old. My cousin is pursuing legal action against the school. I really don't think a mainstream environment would suit his needs or make him comfortable. I can understand her being upset, but unfortunately we can't mainstream everyone- some people need special attention to be successful.


ETA- Let's make this relevant. I would let my children out in my backyard unattended. In the front yard, no, until age 12 or so because it is so busy. If they were with a group of kids, I'd let them roam freely at about age 10-12. Walk to the playground on the back streets in a group at age 8-10. But I think it depends a lot on maturity. There are some kids I'd trust at 8 to do something and some I wouldn't trust to do that same thing until 14.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I don't have kids, so I can't comment firsthand on modern child-rearing practices. But here's the converse of the question: it's often said that things today are really no worse than they ever were, that horrible things happened in the past as well as the present, we just didn't have the media coverage, etc. And things did happen -- I can remember being told as a kid to "watch out that Gus Heald doesn't get you," Gus being a violent local thug who killed a couple of people and escaped from jail and put everyone into a panic for a while. But my mother didn't go into lockdown mode because of such things.

So -- the flip side of the question would be this. Those of us who were free-roaming children at five years old or six years old or whatever age you were turned loose. Were our parents irresponsible and neglectful to do this? Should they have been alert to the ever-present threats in the world as modern parents are?

 

[kamikat]

No, I don't think our parents were irresponsible. Things were different back then. It's not that there weren't thugs or creeps, it's just that there were more people around. I can remember the whole block of kids playing outside during the summer. A bunch of boys playing football in one yard, a bunch of kids racing their bikes in the court, kids playing on a Slip-n-Slide on another yard, all at the same time. A creep isn't gonna walk up a flash or try to grab a kid with all those witnesses. Not to mention all the moms home and within ear distance. Today, kids aren't home during the summer because both parents work, so the ones that are too young for jobs go to day camp all summer and the teens all have jobs. If my kids want to play with other kids during the summer, they HAVE to go to camp. Back when I was in middle school, there was a serial rapist attacking women on the local bike trail, which happened to be the quickest route for my sister to walk to the high school. Back then, the police told women to walk in pairs or group, not alone. I'm sure today, they would tell everyone to simply avoid the trail all together. We can't wrap the world in bubble wrap. By protecting our children, we're not teaching them real life skills.

 

[C-dot]

We can't wrap the world in bubble wrap. By protecting our children, we're not teaching them real life skills.

I agree. I understand parents wanting to protect their children from trouble or problems they encounter, but it isn't realistic. Some things your children need to learn for themselves (especially when they get older and won't listen to you.)

My parents let me go out wherever I liked, pretty well, but I had to tell them where I was, who I was with, and usually phone them when I got there. They made sure I was exposed to places like the subway as a child, so I would be used to them when I got older and went by myself. As a result, I successfully fought off purse snatchers and perverts at age 17.

 

[PoohBang]

while some didn't successfully fight them off.

Throwing your kids in the lake and hope they learn to swim might sound like a good idea if they actually make it to shore. If they don't then you'd probably think twice.

Do you also park your car next to a junker or do you park a little further out so it doesn't get scratch or dented or worst?

I don't see anything wrong with trying to protect your kids. Just don't over do it. Let them be kids and you be the parents, and everything should work out as it was suppose to.

 

[JimWagner]

Here's a factor we haven't really considered yet, but the question posed about how we were raised vs today made me remember it. I was born on the leading edge of the boomers, 1947. I have 4 younger sisters spanning a 12 year birthing period Five kids in a family wasn't at all unusual. Lot's of families kiving in close proximiy with many kids in all ages was the norm when I was a kid. So were stay at home mothers.

I had at least 5 or 6 boys my own age to play with just on my block and we roamed freely between each other's yards. No one's mother wanted that many loud boys inside so naturally we played outside.

Contrast that with my own kid's situation.

I had 2 kids. Many boomers had only 1 or 2 kids. When my kids were 13 or less years old they didn't even have kids their own age on our block to play with. They were also in the first bussing generation. Playing with their school friends pretty much meant they had to have a "play date" and do so when working parents were available for transpotation. Sleep overs were common on weekends.

 

[kamikat]

I don't think that's an issue. I was born in 1973. Every family on our block had 2 kids and there were plenty of kids to play with. In my current block, half the families have 2 kids, 3 families have 3 or more kids and one family has 1 kid. The kids aren't home because they have to go to aftercare because mom works. No change in the number of kids, just a change in situation.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Me, too! (not the NYC bit, but you know...)

Cool.

 

[C-dot]

Throwing your kids in the lake and hope they learn to swim might sound like a good idea if they actually make it to shore. If they don't then you'd probably think twice.

Do you also park your car next to a junker or do you park a little further out so it doesn't get scratch or dented or worst?

You've misunderstood: I am not saying that parents shouldn't protect their children, I am saying they cannot protect them from everything, and it doesn't do their child any good to try.

I also wouldn't place my car in the same league as my child, but that's just me.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Just like everything else, it's all in moderation. My parents gave me plenty of room to do my own thing, make my own mistakes, and I got into trouble when I was a kid. I went to friends houses, and would ask to use their phone, so I could reach my parents and let them know where I was, who I was with, and if I was leaving, I'd have to call and check in, again.

As years went on, I learned it was easier just not to be stupid, and behave myself. When I was 16, I was racing a friend down the four-lanes. My dad knew before I got home. (I raced him on my way home from school, 15 minute drive)

You've misunderstood: I am not saying that parents shouldn't protect their children, I am saying they cannot protect them from everything, and it doesn't do their child any good to try.

I also wouldn't place my car in the same league as my child, but that's just me.

 

[C-dot]

Just like everything else, it's all in moderation. My parents gave me plenty of room to do my own thing, make my own mistakes, and I got into trouble when I was a kid. I went to friends houses, and would ask to use their phone, so I could reach my parents and let them know where I was, who I was with, and if I was leaving, I'd have to call and check in, again.

Sounds just like my upbringing (re: sensible ) For a long time I didn't pull a lot of stunts purely for fear of what my parents would do if they found out - Then later on, like you, I realized they did me a favour!

 

[AtomicEraTom]

When I was little, my mom seldom had to punish me. The best punishment was the words 'You just wait until your father gets home!'

Sounds just like my upbringing (re: sensible ) For a long time I didn't pull a lot of stunts purely for fear of what my parents would do if they found out - Then later on, like you, I realized they did me a favour!

 

[PoohBang]

so with all these parenting skills being thrown around, who is actually a parent?

 

[C-dot]

I'm gonna quote Lou Grant's marriage counselor on this one: "You don't need to be a whale to write Moby Dick."


ETA: Before I get jumped on for this, no I am not a parent, and yes, I understand that my views would change if I became one, but my basic philosophy would remain the same. All I can say is what I would do, and it would be very similar to what my own parents have done. If they could do it, so could I.

 

[Yeps]

It really depends on where you are. PG county isn't known for a good school system. On the other hand, my kids go to school in Montgomery county, which is frequently rated as the second best school system in the country, behind Fairfax..

I grew up in Montgomery County, I just live in PG now because I go to school in the city. From what you say, the school system has been improving, and I don't doubt that it works for many. I don't think I would have done well in school as a child, although by the time I went to high school and college, it was clearly the right place for me.

As a side note, my mom is actually now an academic therapist for dyslexic children, and generally teaches them the way she taught me as a kid, which is kinda fun.

 

[Yeps]

Until then, they thought he was dumb because he was a slow reader and didn't really understand what he read. Once he got treatment, he had to bust his bum to catch up. It's the same thing with hearing problems.

I was a slow reader for a long time (at least compared to my siblings) and didn't start reading anything that I had to keep track of longer than couple paragraphs or pages (which limited me to non-fiction, mostly science and history books) until around age 10 or 11. My problem was that my interest and thinking level were significantly higher than my reading and comprehension level, so the stuff I could read, I was bored out of my mind reading, and the stuff I was interested by would bog me down and I couldn't keep track of it. It was very frustrating until my reading finally caught up with my thinking.

 

[kamikat]

That's exactly why we got my older son help as soon as we could. We're a book loving family and we wanted to make sure he had the opportunity to join us. As for the MoCo schools, I have discovered that it can vary wildly from school to school. Right before my older son entered kindergarten, their school was classified as a failing school. They got a new principal and a whole new staff of teachers. It's now one of the best schools in the county. I just never felt my kids would have been better off being taught by me. I'm a high school drop out and stopped being able to help them with their math homework a long time ago.

 

[kamikat]

ETA: Before I get jumped on for this, no I am not a parent, and yes, I understand that my views would change if I became one, but my basic philosophy would remain the same. All I can say is what I would do, and it would be very similar to what my own parents have done. If they could do it, so could I.

It's not necessarily that your views change, it's that everybody else's views change and so they judge you for failing to comply with what has become the societal norm. For example, I learned to ice skate without wearing a helmet. It never occurred to me to make my kids wear helmets to ice skate. Their teacher didn't require it. However, every time we run into friends or my sister at the ice rink, they scold me for not making my kids wear helmets.