Bad Table Manners

[scottyrocks]

I have a manners question: is it considered better manners to bring the food to the mouth or inclining the mouth toward the food?

I was taught that you sit up straight and lean in towards the edge of the table just enough so that your chin is over the edge of the table. That way, if something should fall off the fork or spoon on the way to your mouth, it lands on the plate (or table), and not in your lap. But do not bend your body and face down to your plate.

 

[Stray Cat]

Exactly!
*thumbs up*

lol

 

[Edward]

That's a culturally specific one, isn't it? Is it the Chinese who slurp tea to show appreciation of it?

Polite table culture is extremely different in China than even this far West. Basically, everything that is considered rude at table in England is the preferred way out there. Kinda fun, as long as you remember not to bring it home.

 

[JimWagner]

My wife (and obviously her family) are Chinese and yes, Chinese table manners are quite different. Practical requirements for eating with chopsticks dictate. For dishes with small cut up pieces, no problems. But noodles - you have no choice but to bring the bowl to your mouth, dig in and do whatever it takes to get from bowl to mouth.

My wife doesn't get the western custom of so many different forks, spoons, knives, etc. at a meal (me either for that matter), but we can both eat that way when required without looking like rubes.

I learned "Proper" table manners at home as a kid, but I'm not militant about them and really don't pay a lot of attention to what others are doing while I'm enjoying my own meal. If I did then that would lead to indigestion, after all.

 

[sheeplady]

Funny - salad and curry were the EXACT two dishes that I thought of where I scoop with my fork! And generally speaking I have very good table manners, although I am very prone to spilling stuff on the tablecloth.

Apparently I am going to get to know my spoon a lot better.

 

[bil_maxx]

I always get irritated with one particular family member who always gets upset if we don't wait for him to start eating, even thought he is perpetually late and makes everyone wait. When he is (rarely) on time, he will take the best seat, regardless of the event and his importance at it. He has been know to move, hide, destroy or ignore placecards. Then he starts eating immediately, before any prayer, toast or announcements are made. His preference is to take a central chair that is very hard to get up from, thereby assuring that he has to be served. His eating is loud, utensil light (as in he uses his hands to eat) and hes uses grunts and hand gestures to get people to serve him food. He will even demand things that are not being served like brandy or cognac at the end of the meal. His wife luckily deals with him mostly and keeps him somewhat in check. I don't pander to him at all and ignore all hand signals, grunts and demands. At our last family event, I put him in his seat, chosen by me, kept the food away from him, and when he tried to get his own, got the kids to start the prayer as he was reaching for the food in front of everyone. Small victory, but he looked silly to everyone, and his wife slapped his hand.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

I always get irritated with one particular family member who always gets upset if we don't wait for him to start eating, even thought he is perpetually late and makes everyone wait. When he is (rarely) on time, he will take the best seat, regardless of the event and his importance at it. He has been know to move, hide, destroy or ignore placecards. Then he starts eating immediately, before any prayer, toast or announcements are made. His preference is to take a central chair that is very hard to get up from, thereby assuring that he has to be served. His eating is loud, utensil light (as in he uses his hands to eat) and hes uses grunts and hand gestures to get people to serve him food. He will even demand things that are not being served like brandy or cognac at the end of the meal. His wife luckily deals with him mostly and keeps him somewhat in check. I don't pander to him at all and ignore all hand signals, grunts and demands. At our last family event, I put him in his seat, chosen by me, kept the food away from him, and when he tried to get his own, got the kids to start the prayer as he was reaching for the food in front of everyone. Small victory, but he looked silly to everyone, and his wife slapped his hand.

If it wasn't for the mention of him having a wife, I would think you were describing the family dog.

 

[bil_maxx]

Tell me about it.

 

[Puzzicato]

Is he someone who married into your clan? I feel very sorry for his wife!

 

[bil_maxx]

Is he someone who married into your clan? I feel very sorry for his wife!

O no. He is very much part of the family and should know better. The funny thing is he likes to tell us about his privileged upbringing and how manners work. I think he must have an entitlement complex where everything he does is fine, but everyone else has to follow his rules. I'm not a psychologist so I don't know, nor so I care. As far as I and the rest of the family know, his childhood was poor in a southern european country during and after the war. When I speak to his brothers, they all claim that they were a very important family at one time. Yeah, whatever, haha.

 

[sheeplady]

O no. He is very much part of the family and should know better. The funny thing is he likes to tell us about his privileged upbringing and how manners work. I think he must have an entitlement complex where everything he does is fine, but everyone else has to follow his rules. I'm not a psychologist so I don't know, nor so I care. As far as I and the rest of the family know, his childhood was poor in a southern european country during and after the war. When I speak to his brothers, they all claim that they were a very important family at one time. Yeah, whatever, haha.

I know someone like this- right down to the once wealthy background before her time. Without going into much detail, she expects everyone to wait on and cater to her. Horrible house guest and has never once offered to help with anything. She'll come in and sit at the dining room table while you are setting it. Aggrevates me to no end. I've never met anyone who never offers to help before.

I once cooked a meal in her home when I stayed with her for three days (for her and her husband, and I made enough for leftovers for two weeks lunches for the both of them- at her request), and she didn't offer to help at all. I had to tell her I wasn't going to do the dishes because I was cooking for hours, and I ended up washing most of them the next day. I also had to clean the kitchen before I cooked in it. And she didn't even thank me. And I paid for all the fixings that went into the meal, too.

 

[bil_maxx]

I guess the point is, bad manners stem from a lack of basic courtesy and respect for others. People like that never get any respect from anyone because they don't give it which ironically is the one thing that they demand from others. I have met so many people who receive huge amounts of respect because of their respect and courtesy for others. They don't demand it because they don't have to. It just flows back to them. I love those kinds of people.

 

[Miss sofia]

Me too! You're right it is mainly a lack of education on these manners and lack of respect for others.

I had table manners drummed into me as a child, my mum always said 'if you have good table manners then you can dine with a King' and i have never forgotten that.

I have to say my pet peeve aside from most of the things that have already been mentioned, is milk cartons on the table, call me a snob, but GET A JUG!

I don't however mind the napkin round the neck, growing up in an Italian household, where there was oily, tomato-ey sauce aplenty at every meal, it would have been ruinous not to do so, sugo splashed on a nice dress or shirt - ouch! I have even seen chaps doing it at rather upmarket restaurants in Italy and no-one batted an eyelid.

My ex-boyfriend used to drink gravy from the gravy boat, i hated it, he thought it was really amusing. (Cretin). What was worse is that his parents encouraged it, (Grandpa used to do it apparently, so that made it ok of course). What was so unintelligible to me is that the parents were nice, refined, well mannered people! It was horrific, like when you see little kids being really naughty and the parents are all, "isn't he funny, bless him?" "No, he's an ill-mannered oaf actually", is what used to go through my head - i said nothing as i have good table manners!!!

 

[scottyrocks]

. . . I once cooked a meal in her home when I stayed with her for three days (for her and her husband, and I made enough for leftovers for two weeks lunches for the both of them- at her request), and she didn't offer to help at all. I had to tell her I wasn't going to do the dishes because I was cooking for hours, and I ended up washing most of them the next day. I also had to clean the kitchen before I cooked in it. And she didn't even thank me. And I paid for all the fixings that went into the meal, too.

Hopefully that will have been the last time you will do that, at least for her.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

^^^
Impoverished Aristocrat Syndrome -- It's like someone who hangs around in bars and tells anybody who will listen that they used to be somebody.

 

[rue]

Hey! I used to be somebody......

 

[Puzzicato]

I coulda been a contender...

 

[rue]

:rofl:

 

[Justin B]

I coulda been a contender...

Instead, you're a bum. That's what you are. Let's face it.

 

[bil_maxx]

^^^
Impoverished Aristocrat Syndrome -- It's like someone who hangs around in bars and tells anybody who will listen that they used to be somebody.

As I said, I am not convinced it is at all the truth. There is no one that can corroborate any facts at all except a couple of these family members whom no one believes. There is a lot of eye rolling though, haha.

I have met impoverished aristocrats many times, Canada has a lot of them, and they never act like boors. And they certainly never whine about who they used to be. As a kid there was a very elderly violin teacher at our school who never talked about her past. She was always so polite and respectful, but there was something different about her that none of us, not even the teachers, could put our fingers on. She just had a grace and polish about her not arrogance or disdain. When she died, we found out from her eastern bloc country that she was a DUCHESS. Her parents had fled during one of the wars and they had been fantastically wealthy in their home country, not in Canada however. She was so highly regarded that when the embassy for her original country found out that she had died they wanted to have a state funeral for her! Needless to say, her wishes were that she have a local funeral and be buried in Canada, her adopted country of many decades. Now THAT is class and poise. She had grace and manners even in death.