Antisocial.....is this normal?

[RetroBabydoll]

I've been thinking about this all morning ever since I talked to my boyfriend about it last night. I'm just wondering if I'm normal. I have so much to do on a daily basis that I find that I don't have time for others except for family and my boyfriend. I dread calling people on the phone. The only person that I even consider a friend is two hours away. I feel like I don't have time for friends and My boyfriend is always on the phone or hanging out with a buddy, so I feel like it's not right that I'm this way. I'm wondering if anybody else sometimes feels this way.
Also....
Were women in the past like this? Were they the busy mother, there for their husband, and social only when they had other couples over for cocktails....???

 

[ohairas]

Well, normal or not, I'm right there with you.

I have a book called Please Understand Me. It's about personalities and you take this quiz of about 75 questions. When I read my section about my specific personality, it was really freaky. Dead on! Plus, it had my spouse dead on as well.

I have the questions scanned if you'd like to take a peek... I'd hafta find the book to be able to tell you your score/personality tho, lol!

I want to comment further, but I have to tend to my 2 year old!
Nikki

 

[Brian Sheridan]

I don't dread it per se but I do perfer email or face-to-face.

My wife teases me about my "yes/no" telephone style.

Someone like Donald Trump always makes calls. It is so hard nowadays to get throught to anyone by phone, I find it easier to send an email. Or text them.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

My husband and I rarely ever see our friends that LIVE IN THE SAME BUILDING AS US!! We just work, come home and watch TV/relax, and then go to bed at 9pm.

Weekends are spend grocery shopping, cleaning, and getting odds and ends done.

And I also HATE calling people on the phone! I've noticed that a lot of people feel this way.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

Well, normal or not, I'm right there with you.

I have a book called Please Understand Me. It's about personalities and you take this quiz of about 75 questions. When I read my section about my specific personality, it was really freaky. Dead on! Plus, it had my spouse dead on as well.

I have the questions scanned if you'd like to take a peek... I'd hafta find the book to be able to tell you your score/personality tho, lol!

I want to comment further, but I have to tend to my 2 year old!
Nikki

Would it just be the fact that it's my personality to not call and be more of a homebody? I know my boyfriend has a social personality, but is saddened at the fact that I have one friend which makes me sad and I think I need to start calling people up. I think it would be different once I have kids since they'll take up all of my time.

I'd love to take a peek at the questions if you're able to find them.
Thank you so much Ohairas.

 

[Fletch]

Someone like Donald Trump always makes calls. It is so hard nowadays to get throught to anyone by phone, I find it easier to send an email. Or text them.

People whose nature is to command and lead, like Trump, prefer the phone. There are many reasons.

-It is real-time. It puts YOU in the foreground: reach out and touch someone, or even grab them or slap them if you deem fit. It transmits emotion, nonverbal voice cues, and urgency much better than print.

-It obligates the recipient to respond immediately - much more so than email or txting. If they don't return quickly, or if their responses or voice cues don't satisfy you, you're allowed to judge them on their courtesy or commitment.

-The dominant personality in a phone call doesn't have to answer any questions or divulge any knowledge he doesn't want to. He can demand his message gets through, and gets understood his way. He also is in the clear as far as accountability goes, because most people don't and wouldn't record their calls - it's not a totally OK thing to do.

-Finally, talking saves time. It's always faster than writing.

 

[Paisley]

There is a book called Bowling Alone that is about shrinking social capital. Yes, loneliness is bad for you.

You just have to make time to socialize. Maybe the dishes have to stay in the sink for a night while you go out. Maybe some e-mails have to wait until morning. Is that so bad?

 

[dakotanorth]

Anti-social?

I think some people are too busy having a life to actually.... have a life.
It's funny that we create tools to do work for us so we have more free time, yet we fill the free time with more stuff to do!

Yes, it's hard to keep contact with people. My parents' generation don't like e-mail and whatnot, thinking it's a substitute for friends, but truthfully it's a stopgap.
Ultimately, there are only so many hours in the day; I think a good compromise are the old traditions: Gin Rummy night, Quilting night, Movie night. Combine "chores" with social activities. Hey, I swing dance! I practice my technique AND socialize, good way to double-up!

 

[Paisley]

People whose nature is to command and lead, like Trump, prefer the phone. There are many reasons.

-It is real-time. It puts YOU in the foreground: reach out and touch someone, or even grab them or slap them if you deem fit. It transmits emotion, nonverbal voice cues, and urgency much better than print.

-It obligates the recipient to respond immediately - much more so than email or txting. If they don't return quickly, or if their responses or voice cues don't satisfy you, you're allowed to judge them on their courtesy or commitment.

-The dominant personality in a phone call doesn't have to answer any questions or divulge any knowledge he doesn't want to. He can demand his message gets through, and gets understood his way. He also is in the clear as far as accountability goes, because most people don't and wouldn't record their calls - it's not a totally OK thing to do.

-Finally, talking saves time. It's always faster than writing.

I love talking on the phone! So did my oldest sister. (I don't think we're like Trump, though--thank goodness.)

 

[RetroBabydoll]

My husband and I rarely ever see our friends that LIVE IN THE SAME BUILDING AS US!! We just work, come home and watch TV/relax, and then go to bed at 9pm.

Weekends are spend grocery shopping, cleaning, and getting odds and ends done.

And I also HATE calling people on the phone! I've noticed that a lot of people feel this way.

My boyfriend's buddy and wife life two doors down from us and I see them once a month...if that, but my boyfriend is able to talk to them moreso.

 

[Paisley]

Would it just be the fact that it's my personality to not call and be more of a homebody? I know my boyfriend has a social personality, but is saddened at the fact that I have one friend which makes me sad and I think I need to start calling people up. I think it would be different once I have kids since they'll take up all of my time.

My mother raised six kids and said she led a very lonely life.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

I think some people are too busy having a life to actually.... have a life.
It's funny that we create tools to do work for us so we have more free time, yet we fill the free time with more stuff to do!

Yes, it's hard to keep contact with people. My parents' generation don't like e-mail and whatnot, thinking it's a substitute for friends, but truthfully it's a stopgap.
Ultimately, there are only so many hours in the day; I think a good compromise are the old traditions: Gin Rummy night, Quilting night, Movie night. Combine "chores" with social activities. Hey, I swing dance! I practice my technique AND socialize, good way to double-up!

That sounds like a great idea. I tried a ladies night once to have girls come over for making hair flowers. Most didn't show and the ones who did gossiped most of the time. They kept making me uncomfortable talking about my boyfriend and his ex's that I really never wanted another ladies night. Maybe I should try with couples instead. Hmmmmm.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

My mother raised six kids and said she led a very lonely life.

Was she happy?

 

[Fletch]

I love talking on the phone! So did my oldest sister. (I don't think we're like Trump, though--thank goodness.)

I actually hate it. Unless someone I like - and don't owe any overdue favors - calls me, I get a lot of mixed signals when all I hear is a voice without a face. It can be psychically exhausting.

 

[Doctor Strange]

I have always hated the phone, and feel completely out of touch with the alleged mainstream of today's talk-and-text-all-the-time-everywhere world.

Oh, I have a cell (I've got to be reachable: I've got teenage kids and elderly parents who don't live with me), but I only use it about 15 minutes a month. And I barely use my landlines any more than that.

I'd much rather do email or face-to-face than talk on the phone...

 

[Paisley]

Was she happy?

No. There are various reasons, which may or may not apply to you or others. I think you are taking a step in the right direction by taking the intiative to socialize with others. If you wait, you could wait indefinitely--it's just the way it is nowadays.

If you invite people, make sure they are reliable and really want to come. It's infuriating to plan a party where people don't show up, or cancel at the last minute, or eat and run.

 

[Miss 1929]

We are all expected

to lead super-lives. In the USA at least... not like this in some countries. All of us have to have a job or often two, to make ends meet in the style to which we think we should be accustomed. There is a lot of expense around our cars, as our cities are seldom designed for walking.
So we end up scurrying around trying to pay for the life that we are not able to enjoy.
And since all your friends are in the same boat, it is hard to match up schedules!
I agree it is great to have "whatever night". For a couple of year we had weekly Stitch'n'Bitch at a girlfriends house, we would come over right after work, bring salad material and our sewing boxes and projects, and spend some quality time while mending and making.
It was nice because after the first few weeks, we didn't have to call and organize, we just knew we would see each other on Tuesday!

 

[Paisley]

I actually hate it. Unless someone I like - and don't owe any overdue favors - calls me, I get a lot of mixed signals when all I hear is a voice without a face. It can be psychically exhausting.

I'm a voice person. (I recognize actors more by their voice than their appearance.) I often used to get very flustered in person.

 

[~*Red*~]

I've been thinking about this all morning ever since I talked to my boyfriend about it last night. I'm just wondering if I'm normal. I have so much to do on a daily basis that I find that I don't have time for others except for family and my boyfriend. I dread calling people on the phone. The only person that I even consider a friend is two hours away. I feel like I don't have time for friends and My boyfriend is always on the phone or hanging out with a buddy, so I feel like it's not right that I'm this way. I'm wondering if anybody else sometimes feels this way.
Also....
Were women in the past like this? Were they the busy mother, there for their husband, and social only when they had other couples over for cocktails....???

RBD, I don't think it's NOT "normal". And I am sure there are more people like this out there, but you just wouldn't know it. I also don't think you would be like this all the time either. I think it's just where you are in your life right now.
I can understand, I'm not incredibly social, and honestly I'm rather shy. (forums like this are nice ice breaker type places...you can "practice" being social to an extent)
There are times where I am going out, meeting people, making friends, and being social, and there are times, like I am living in currently, where, I simply don't have the time, or much of an inclination to be social. Another thing is, we move an awful lot, pretty much every two years on average, and so it is hard to make friends, and then leave, and for someone who is shy, it is even harder.. sometimes I need a longer period of time to get out and meet people. So there are times, rather periods where it is a social time of our life, and others we are more focused on our family.

I'm sure women were like this in the past are still like this today. I think in the past, it was more of a way of life, as our main purposes for living were to be a spouse, have and bring up the children. It all dates back to early times, the men had their purposes and the women had theirs. And within the last century have women been able to really expand beyond those original horizons. Of course it would be natural to have this mental conflict.

I think you're perfectly normal.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

to lead super-lives. In the USA at least... not like this in some countries. All of us have to have a job or often two, to make ends meet in the style to which we think we should be accustomed. There is a lot of expense around our cars, as our cities are seldom designed for walking.
So we end up scurrying around trying to pay for the life that we are not able to enjoy.
And since all your friends are in the same boat, it is hard to match up schedules!
I agree it is great to have "whatever night". For a couple of year we had weekly Stitch'n'Bitch at a girlfriends house, we would come over right after work, bring salad material and our sewing boxes and projects, and spend some quality time while mending and making.
It was nice because after the first few weeks, we didn't have to call and organize, we just knew we would see each other on Tuesday!

That's a great idea too! I should make a once a month project night for the ladies. That's perfect.