Agony column?

[Paisley]

I learned what the word "resorption" meant today when I had a root canal.

 

[sheeplady]

I'm doing much better.

The house is on the market and we accepted an offer a bit above asking about 48 hours after the listing was posted. We will see what happens. I've had job training and am in my office. The bed bugged stuff is almost dealt with. And I've decided (for multiple reasons) there's people I'm going to see a LOT LESS.

To get here, though, I've crashed. I've been having tension headaches (which are getting better) and that really messes me up because I am high risk for brain metatasis, and well, thinking about that doesn't help my stress levels and headaches EITHER.

I went to the store the other day and treated the kids to stuff while I combed the makeup aisle and I found 2 matte lipsticks I love.

Thank you all for the kind advice. I'm recognizing that I need to practice better self care and from here on out doing stuff for myself has to be a priority. I even went for a drive the other day (with the kids) and just enjoyed the countryside someplace i had never been (threw the kids snacks and drinks and told them we were going for a drive and to enjoy the scenery and listen to the radio rather than talking to me). With the house up for sale I'm no longer single mothering it and I'm back at work (with the kids in care during the day) so that's given me an outlet. My husband is encouraging me to take a night or two at a local hotel to have a mini-vacation. We'll see.

One of the things that this has taught us is we have limits, and I'm not sure we can handle another fixer-upper we do ourselves. This is a hard decision we haven't made yet, but with young kids and two demanding jobs (and I run a business on the side) we don't have the time to do things that a DIY place needs.

 

[sheeplady]

He's definitely a narcissist. Selfish to the core and in need of constant supply.

Urgh. I'm so sorry. But glad you're out. And I am so sorry your daughter doesn't have the father she deserves. That is really difficult, and I'm sorry.

 

[ShadyLady]

Hope you all don't mind a new problem thrown in--I'll try to keep it short.
A little background: I had a large ovarian cyst removed in May, and they ended up taking my right ovary and fallopian tube out, too. They couldn't get a good image (ultrasound) of my left ovary because the cyst was so honkin' huge, so I was told that I might have to have another surgery. Yay. Post-surgery, I seemed to be doing OK so they left my other parts alone. Yay! But. Last month, I started to experience just about every menopausal symptom anyone has ever heard of in the history of time. Turns out my left ovary is failing.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. Crazy mood swings, anxiety, depression--and the hot flashes! Lord love a duck, NO ONE can describe those adequately. And the worst part is that I'm becoming impatient with my students. I teach English as a second language and I love my job. My "kids" try so hard to learn our wacky language and all they really need is some patience and encouragement. I haven't snapped at anyone, but I'm definitely not doing as well as I should be, and my students are suffering for it.
So. I'm just wondering how I can get through this without killing someone. I don't even kill bugs, so I'm pretty sure I'd feel bad if I, like, kicked someone to death. I'm taking medication, I've changed my diet and I'm exercising more often. That's helping some, but...I really want to kick someone. I just quit smoking, too.
Maybe this could all work out, though. Amateis, I could pay a little visit to your heartless jerk of an ex. And Lizzie, I could drop in on your boss...
That was a joke. This is my sense of humor now.

 

[ShadyLady]

Want to add--Amateis, your daughter is going to be fine. She has a strong, stable and loving person in her life--you. The fact that you're here and talking about it (not clinging to his ceiling waiting for him to get home so you can do a pile-driver on his head) shows me that you are an amazing woman and just the role-model that your daughter needs.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Having been thru my own endocrine crisis, I hear every word you're saying. HRT has kept me sane over the last fifteen years, so I can strongly empathize with what you're going thru. 2mg of estradiol daily is the very thin edge of a difference for me between being functional, and being arrested.

It varies with any individual, and if I had one piece of advice it would be this -- don't let your doctor bulldoze you into anything, whether it be changing dosages or discontinuing the meds altogether. The doctor isn't the one experiencing your symptoms, you are -- and only you know what works for you.

 

[ShadyLady]

Thank you for not dismissing me as a nut, Lizzie! I'm reluctant to try HRT at this point; I think I've read too much about potential side effects. My regular doc is on vacation now, of course, but I'll be seeing her again in a few weeks. Thing is, she's a youngin'. Not a clue what this is like. Arg. I'll get through it.
In the meantime, I'll post the dumb*** things I've been doing (like stomping through the apartment yelling "who hid my [censored-censored] keys?!?" when they're in my pocket). Try to make people laugh.
I really am a relatively normal person. I think.

 

[LizzieMaine]

If it's worth anything, the only HRT side effects I've noticed in the last decade and a half is a bit of weight gain -- my heart is fine, my blood pressure is right on the button, and my cholesterol is maybe a few drive-thru stops past where it should be but not crisis-mode. And on the plus side, I haven't killed anyone. Yet.

The bit with the keys is me all over. The kids at work roll their eyes at it, but I tell them to wait and see what happens when they get old.

 

[ShadyLady]

Darn right!
Yesterday I walked to the mailbox (about two blocks from my place) and realized I'd forgotten to bring the letters I was going to mail. I didn't have my purse with me, so it's not like I just forgot to stick 'em in there. I didn't realize that didn't have the letters in my hand for the whole two ding-dong blocks. Oh, well. At least it wasn't raining.
I don't want to hijack this thread; I'm feeling somewhat OK today. I'll share some great advice that my grandmother gave to me: "Nobody's perfect and you don't always have to be strong". Also: "Do your best to avoid the a-holes".

 

[AmateisGal]

Urgh. I'm so sorry. But glad you're out. And I am so sorry your daughter doesn't have the father she deserves. That is really difficult, and I'm sorry.

Thank you. I have my bad days, but overall, I'm doing better.

Want to add--Amateis, your daughter is going to be fine. She has a strong, stable and loving person in her life--you. The fact that you're here and talking about it (not clinging to his ceiling waiting for him to get home so you can do a pile-driver on his head) shows me that you are an amazing woman and just the role-model that your daughter needs.

Thank you, ShadyLady! My daughter and I have grown immensely closer over the past six months. And my stupid ex-husband is just that - STUPID - for not making her a priority in his life. It is completely his loss.

 

[AmateisGal]

Hope you all don't mind a new problem thrown in--I'll try to keep it short.
A little background: I had a large ovarian cyst removed in May, and they ended up taking my right ovary and fallopian tube out, too. They couldn't get a good image (ultrasound) of my left ovary because the cyst was so honkin' huge, so I was told that I might have to have another surgery. Yay. Post-surgery, I seemed to be doing OK so they left my other parts alone. Yay! But. Last month, I started to experience just about every menopausal symptom anyone has ever heard of in the history of time. Turns out my left ovary is failing.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. Crazy mood swings, anxiety, depression--and the hot flashes! Lord love a duck, NO ONE can describe those adequately. And the worst part is that I'm becoming impatient with my students. I teach English as a second language and I love my job. My "kids" try so hard to learn our wacky language and all they really need is some patience and encouragement. I haven't snapped at anyone, but I'm definitely not doing as well as I should be, and my students are suffering for it.
So. I'm just wondering how I can get through this without killing someone. I don't even kill bugs, so I'm pretty sure I'd feel bad if I, like, kicked someone to death. I'm taking medication, I've changed my diet and I'm exercising more often. That's helping some, but...I really want to kick someone. I just quit smoking, too.
Maybe this could all work out, though. Amateis, I could pay a little visit to your heartless jerk of an ex. And Lizzie, I could drop in on your boss...
That was a joke. This is my sense of humor now.

Oh wow - I so know what you're going through! I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and in 2009, I had a cyst burst on my right ovary. The pain wouldn't go away, so I had surgery and they had to remove it because, as my doctor said, it was toast. Fast forward to 2010 (after more cysts on the remaining ovary) and I had a pap smear come back as pre-cancerous. So I elected to have a hysterectomy, but I left the left ovary so I wouldn't go into menopause. Fast forward to 2013 and we had to take out the left ovary!

Long story short, I am on a very, very low dose of HRT because my body doesn't tolerate it well. I am on a half a milligram of estradiol. One milligram gave me symptoms. I'm still taking Metformin for the PCOS because it is a metabolic disorder, so even though I have no ovaries left, I still get symptoms.

I had hot flashes for awhile, and then they went away, but I've noticed that I'm getting them more and more this year which is weird because I'm now post-menopausal.

Maybe try a little bit of HRT and see how you do?

 

[AmateisGal]

I'm doing much better.

The house is on the market and we accepted an offer a bit above asking about 48 hours after the listing was posted. We will see what happens. I've had job training and am in my office. The bed bugged stuff is almost dealt with. And I've decided (for multiple reasons) there's people I'm going to see a LOT LESS.

To get here, though, I've crashed. I've been having tension headaches (which are getting better) and that really messes me up because I am high risk for brain metatasis, and well, thinking about that doesn't help my stress levels and headaches EITHER.

I went to the store the other day and treated the kids to stuff while I combed the makeup aisle and I found 2 matte lipsticks I love.

Thank you all for the kind advice. I'm recognizing that I need to practice better self care and from here on out doing stuff for myself has to be a priority. I even went for a drive the other day (with the kids) and just enjoyed the countryside someplace i had never been (threw the kids snacks and drinks and told them we were going for a drive and to enjoy the scenery and listen to the radio rather than talking to me). With the house up for sale I'm no longer single mothering it and I'm back at work (with the kids in care during the day) so that's given me an outlet. My husband is encouraging me to take a night or two at a local hotel to have a mini-vacation. We'll see.

One of the things that this has taught us is we have limits, and I'm not sure we can handle another fixer-upper we do ourselves. This is a hard decision we haven't made yet, but with young kids and two demanding jobs (and I run a business on the side) we don't have the time to do things that a DIY place needs.

I'm so glad things are going better for you! And I've had to really learn about self-care in the past six months. I spent so much of my energy on my marriage and dealing with my ex-husband that I was just like a wrung out washcloth - there wasn't much left of me most days. Now I go out with friends and make it a point to do things for ME that I want to do. I encourage you to do the same. And I love the idea of just going out for a drive - I should do that. I remember when I was young, my parents used to go for drives on Sundays and I'd tag along. Funny how I was so bored then, but now? I would totally do it!

 

[St. Louis]

Do any of you fine ladies get a case of the holiday blues? What do you do to stave them off? Asking for a friend.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I deeply hate this time of year. Pretty much everything bad that has ever happened to me has happened in December or January, and basically all I can do to avoid thinking the blackest of black thoughts is spend as much time as I can asleep. I go to bed as soon as I get home from work and I stay there until the last possible moment up to where I absolutely have to get up. If I could hibernate until March, I would.

If anything helps at all, it's trying to get as much light as I possibly can -- either sunlight, which is not likely at this time of year, or by turning on all the lights in the house when I'm not in bed. It runs up the electric bill, but it does seem to help a bit.

 

[AmateisGal]

I'm hoping to totally immerse myself in holiday activities and spend time with friends & family. I found out that my ex-husband's affair started in December last year, so that is weighing a bit on me. The marriage blew up in January (though I didn't find out about the affair until late February).

I usually love this time of year. I know a lot of people struggle with it and I'm so sorry. I guess my advice is to do a lot of self-care. Do things that make you happy and make you feel fulfilled and content. Doesn't matter if it's small or large. And give yourself permission to feel those feelings, too. It's okay not to go to the holiday parties or be full of cheer. Start a new tradition or do something totally out of the box just for you.

 

[Paisley]

I had a meetup for Thanksgiving and it was really nice. A few of us got together at a restaurant. Last year, I spent my first Thanksgiving on my own, and it sucked.

Today I volunteered to plant trees--it was great to get out in the fresh air and sunshine and do something.

 

[St. Louis]

Thank you all for the excellent suggestions. I like the idea of planting trees! I just put in some tulip bulbs, since it's still quite warm here in St. Louis (it'll be 67 degrees today.) I might run out & get some more.

It's this combination of dark mornings and dark evenings with the fact that I have no family living within 1300 miles of here. I can't do much about that, since traveling over the holidays tends to be so stressful & expensive, but maybe I can take this time to see some sights & museums. Those are outings for which I never have time during the school year.

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

I have one I've been working for the same company for the last 18 years but have always had a female staff member, boss or supervisor psychologically abuse me. I reported this in the past but no one was doing any thing to help me with the situation. Seven months ago I was able to transfer out and every thing was going fine at my new work location. Well three months later I am once again being psychologically abused. But at this location the boss is writing me up and having me suspended for stupid petty things. I did contest one of the suspensions and I was told today that I am going to be suspended again for stuff that happened at the other location. And you better believe I am going to contest this suspension. This time around there are people helping me in my situation and I've grown a tuff-er back bone and thanks to a book one of the ladies at bible study gave me about psychologically abuse and I've been doing tons of research on how to deal with this situation and not give any more power back to my abusers. And thanks to youtube channels Permission to Exist, Angie Atkinson, and from surviving to thriving. I am able to heal and get through the abuse.

Right now I am putting in another transfer but they re-did the employee directory and its a lot harder to find out which sites have my job position open. I Emailed the head of the union but have yet to hear back from him since he's been on vacation.

Even though I am so fed up with being here. I do not want to quit I adore my job and I have two more years before I can officially retire.
I want to start my own online business too, crocheting vintage inspired items and Star Trek themed items I've sold two of my items but would also like to have more time to crochet so I can grow my online business and eventually start selling at craft shows or comic cons.

 

[St. Louis]

Nathalie, do you have an HR department? This problem sounds too serious to try to handle all by yourself.

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

Nathalie, do you have an HR department? This problem sounds too serious to try to handle all by yourself.

Yes, there is an HR department. I reported the psychological harassment to the general manager and I asked to him to send to another job site. He said no since there will not be enough staff at my location. And to file for harassment with HR. The problem is there is no harassment form on file and I called HR and the lady that handles this only told me to send her an Email and did not explain what it is she needs me to send. Well I was super confused as to what to do but I did some research and thanks to the good old internet I found out some things that I needed to send. I am still not sure it will be enough information and I do not want to file ASAP until I have every thing that I think I need to send to HR.
I am documenting the harassment and I saved every written reprimand and every suspension notice except two and my boss gets very mad when I ask for copies of documents and I called HR and left a message with the payroll department since she is out for the week. All I need are these two documents and I can finally send my Email.

I am working with a union moderator and she is absolutely helping me out in this situation. And she totally believes me about being harassed since she witnessed my boss trying to make me look bad by saying things that did not make sense and my boss kept going on and on about my calling in sick at the last minute and needing to see a doctor right away and saying that my absence effects the staff. While my boss has repeatedly suspended me form work a hand full of times already. And the union rep told me to file a medical accommodation with HR showing that I do not need to be working at this location. My doctor's appointment is on Friday.

And the good news is my union rep who is kind of like my lawyer is also going to file a harassment document against my boss and supervisor as well.

Another thing that happened is my boss called my union rep and told her that I've been ignoring her by not acknowledging her when she calls my name across the room which does not happen until this week and I answered back. Plus I'm not a super chatty woman and never will be and I only talk when I have something to say. I told the union rep that I have not been ignoring and boss and supervisor.

There was one outburst I made and it was due to the fact the my boss and supervisor tried to trick me into believing they were having me trained on how to process documents on the computer that were on a flash drive. Only they did not sit me down and tell me they were going to train me this way I had to find out on my own when I noticed some important paper work was not added to one of the steps that I needed to complete the job correctly. And not my boss nor supervisor would answer my question as to why I 'm being trained this way. And so I told my union rep and she told me to go and do the mock paper work and ask them how long will I have to be trained on the mock paper work and I still did not get an answer back. I told the union rep this and its been three days and I have not been given the task to finish any more of the mock paper work.
The interesting thing is I've been trained in the past on how to do the paper work the only difference is there is on extra step that has been added and it is such an easy step that it makes doing the paper work ten times easier to do.