24 Rules For Gentlemen in 2014

[scotrace]

There are all good.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/12/24-rules-for-being-a-gentleman-in-2014/

 

[gear-guy]

+1 good stuff. Not that hard to do if we apply ourselves! Thanks scotrace

 

[cchgn]

Yes, they are all good ones.

I would add, a real man is never dysfunctional- jealous, envious, egotisical, overbearing, suspicious, uber competitive, rude, etc. He's so confident that he wants anyone to be happy, even if it means not being with him.

 

[Foxer55]

Rules...? Rules? We dun need no stinkin' rules!

 

[Son_of_Atropos]

I find the comments section very interesting, for instance, consider the following:

"You know... a lot of men were brought up to be nice to women. Men are very rational, and it makes sense to be nice, "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." Right?

Wrong! Not when it comes to what women are attracted to, and men are waking up to this. (More so than ever in 2014 as can be seen by the responses here.) Most of us hate it but it's just the way women are hard-wired.

This is how they tell us it works:

If I give compliments, she feels affection.
If I notice flaws, she feels repelled.
If I act unselfishly, she likes being around me.
If I act selfishly, she doesn't like being around me.
If I act humble, she feels attracted to me.
If I act arrogant, she feels repelled.
If I cook dinner, she appreciates my originality.
If I have her cook, she finds me unoriginal.
If I call often, she calls me often.
If I don't call often, she doesn't call me often.

But this is how it works in REALITY:

When I give compliments, she feels repelled.
When I notice flaws, she feels affection (gets attracted).
When I act unselfishly, she doesn't like being around me.
When I act selfishly, she likes being around me.
When I act humble, she feels repelled.
When I act arrogant, she feels attracted to me.
When I cook dinner, she finds me unoriginal.
When I have her cook, she appreciates my originality.
When I call often, she doesn't call often.
When I don't call often, she calls often.

Women may "want" the nice guy but they aren't sexually *attracted* to them! I learned this the hard way. Being a "nice guy" over the years just about ruined my self-image. Thank god I've finally seen the light. I now have women competing for MY attention! I wish like hell I knew this in my early years.

Guys: This article has NOTHING to do with *sexual attraction*. It's what she wants in a HUSBAND. If you want to be a husband that she actually desires (sexually) you must be BOTH. A bad boy AND a gentleman. Just be sure to be the "bad boy" early on in the relationship. (for the first year or so) It's hard to get it at first, I made a lot of mistakes, but once you do you're KING!

God Speed to all the guys trying to get out of the "nice guy" syndrome."

I'm surprised by all the MGTOW comments. MGTOW means "Men going their own way" by the way.

 

[sheeplady]

I find the comments section very interesting, for instance, consider the following:

"You know... a lot of men were brought up to be nice to women. Men are very rational, and it makes sense to be nice, "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." Right?

Wrong! Not when it comes to what women are attracted to, and men are waking up to this. (More so than ever in 2014 as can be seen by the responses here.) Most of us hate it but it's just the way women are hard-wired.

This is how they tell us it works:

If I give compliments, she feels affection.
If I notice flaws, she feels repelled.
If I act unselfishly, she likes being around me.
If I act selfishly, she doesn't like being around me.
If I act humble, she feels attracted to me.
If I act arrogant, she feels repelled.
If I cook dinner, she appreciates my originality.
If I have her cook, she finds me unoriginal.
If I call often, she calls me often.
If I don't call often, she doesn't call me often.

But this is how it works in REALITY:

When I give compliments, she feels repelled.
When I notice flaws, she feels affection (gets attracted).
When I act unselfishly, she doesn't like being around me.
When I act selfishly, she likes being around me.
When I act humble, she feels repelled.
When I act arrogant, she feels attracted to me.
When I cook dinner, she finds me unoriginal.
When I have her cook, she appreciates my originality.
When I call often, she doesn't call often.
When I don't call often, she calls often.

Women may "want" the nice guy but they aren't sexually *attracted* to them! I learned this the hard way. Being a "nice guy" over the years just about ruined my self-image. Thank god I've finally seen the light. I now have women competing for MY attention! I wish like hell I knew this in my early years.

Guys: This article has NOTHING to do with *sexual attraction*. It's what she wants in a HUSBAND. If you want to be a husband that she actually desires (sexually) you must be BOTH. A bad boy AND a gentleman. Just be sure to be the "bad boy" early on in the relationship. (for the first year or so) It's hard to get it at first, I made a lot of mistakes, but once you do you're KING!

God Speed to all the guys trying to get out of the "nice guy" syndrome."

I'm surprised by all the MGTOW comments. MGTOW means "Men going their own way" by the way.

That's representative of a pretty poor opinion of women I've heard over and over again from some men.

I've often wondered this: do men who think this way ever consider that perhaps the women they're meeting are "bad" women? So it is not that women want a "bad boy" but rather that unkind women do? I think women fall into this trap too- they date a couple of bad apples and assume the whole male sex is all the same as those nasty ones. However, the "nice guy" thing I see thrown a lot by men- perhaps just a small but vocal subset- a lot more than I've noticed women doing something similar. I wonder how many times a guy who says something similar stops and asks himself: "I keep meeting and dating such women, I wonder if I might be attracted to a poor subset of the female sex?"

There's some people who are all about how many notches they can get in their bedposts. That's a very different strategy and way to play the game than someone looking for a partner in life. The truth is, if you want to have a long, lasting relationship with anyone (regardless of their or your sex) you have to treat them right and make sure they are someone who wants the same thing.

If you're looking for purely sexual relationships (like the quoted poster seems to be interested in) why would you expect the same strategies used to build a meaningful relationship to work on others who are also only interested in a sexual relationship? Of course you can't go out and advertise to people "hey, I'm all into a serious relationship" when A. you're not and B. the people you are trying to bed do not want a serious relationship. It isn't going to work.

 

[LizzieMaine]

"But this is how it works in REALITY:

When I give compliments, she feels repelled.
When I notice flaws, she feels affection (gets attracted).
When I act unselfishly, she doesn't like being around me.
When I act selfishly, she likes being around me.
When I act humble, she feels repelled.
When I act arrogant, she feels attracted to me.
When I cook dinner, she finds me unoriginal.
When I have her cook, she appreciates my originality.
When I call often, she doesn't call often.
When I don't call often, she calls often.

Women may "want" the nice guy but they aren't sexually *attracted* to them! I learned this the hard way. Being a "nice guy" over the years just about ruined my self-image. Thank god I've finally seen the light. I now have women competing for MY attention! I wish like hell I knew this in my early years.

Guys: This article has NOTHING to do with *sexual attraction*. It's what she wants in a HUSBAND. If you want to be a husband that she actually desires (sexually) you must be BOTH. A bad boy AND a gentleman. Just be sure to be the "bad boy" early on in the relationship. (for the first year or so) It's hard to get it at first, I made a lot of mistakes, but once you do you're KING!

God Speed to all the guys trying to get out of the "nice guy" syndrome."

If this is what 21st Century relationship advice is like, no wonder so many marriages fail. "MGTOWs" sound a lot like sociopaths to me.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

I saw a lot of this among students when I was doing grad school in the US. Many young men (and I assume old ones, too) seem to confuse decisiveness and confidence (positive traits in anyone's book) with self centred obstinacy (if I can't have it my way, it's over!) and brash, unwavering rudeness. such people tend to describe themselves as "straight talking".

 

[cchgn]

I find the comments section very interesting, for instance, consider the following:

"You know... a lot of men were brought up to be nice to women. Men are very rational, and it makes sense to be nice, "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." Right?

Wrong! Not when it comes to what women are attracted to, and men are waking up to this. (More so than ever in 2014 as can be seen by the responses here.) Most of us hate it but it's just the way women are hard-wired......

God Speed to all the guys trying to get out of the "nice guy" syndrome."

I'm surprised by all the MGTOW comments. MGTOW means "Men going their own way" by the way.

I took out that list, as it's doesn't deserve relisting. Here's the thing. I said in another thread that I'm on a crusade to stamp out dysfunction. All that you describe is dysfunction. Y'all haven't got the monopoly on dysfunction, it's been around for a LONG time. The torch has been handed off, apparently.

That list shows exactly the dysfunctional games BOTH sides play.


Btw, you idea of Men going their own way, has nothing to do with anything. Alot of men with complete dysfunction goes their own way all the time. Many end up alone, in jail or dead. Most unhappy.

The idea of being a man is being healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. The idea of being a Gentleman means doing it with finesse and panache. How? By simply deciding to be. I made a banner a long time go and hung it up so I could see it every day: I WON'T LIVE LIKE THAT ANYMORE.


A healthy person, is happy with themselves, comfortable in their own skin, sees the world in a positive light, confident, high self esteem, so that you can elevate other folks and you often do. Never boastful or egotistical ,You choose to be respectful, polite and chivalrous. You respect folsk because you respect yourself.

But by NO means mistake a nice guy with a pushover. You abhor negative and dysfunction. You realize it's the evil energy that consumes folks who do nothing and you fight it with equal fervor.


Like non smoker that gets around a smoker, you can spot them a mile away, they wreek, even tho they themselves don't have clue.


So when you approach anyone who's dysfunctional, you'll spot them and deal with them accordingly, not fall into your typical dysfunctional habit of playing their dysfunctional game.


Btw, this has been around since the beginning of man and what Jesus was talking about.

 

[LizzieMaine]

You can boil all this "gentleman" stuff down to one thing. It's got nothing to do with tipping your hat or holding doors or knowing how to use a finger bowl.

A *real* gentleman always puts the toilet seat down after he's done.

A *real* gentleman doesn't hold up the ticket line complaining that he wants a better seat.

A *real* gentleman shovels out his own sidewalk.

A *real* gentleman never takes the last roll in the basket.

A *real* gentleman always pulls ahead to the furthest gas pump.

A *real* gentleman knows he isn't the center of the universe.

 

[vitanola]

A *real* gentleman knows he isn't the center of the universe.

Miss Maine, I believe that your final point subsumes all of the others.

 

[Foxer55]

sheeplady,

That's representative of a pretty poor opinion of women I've heard over and over again from some men.

I've often wondered this: do men who think this way ever consider that perhaps the women they're meeting are "bad" women? So it is not that women want a "bad boy" but rather that unkind women do? I think women fall into this trap too- they date a couple of bad apples and assume the whole male sex is all the same as those nasty ones. However, the "nice guy" thing I see thrown a lot by men- perhaps just a small but vocal subset- a lot more than I've noticed women doing something similar. I wonder how many times a guy who says something similar stops and asks himself: "I keep meeting and dating such women, I wonder if I might be attracted to a poor subset of the female sex?"

There's some people who are all about how many notches they can get in their bedposts. That's a very different strategy and way to play the game than someone looking for a partner in life. The truth is, if you want to have a long, lasting relationship with anyone (regardless of their or your sex) you have to treat them right and make sure they are someone who wants the same thing.

If you're looking for purely sexual relationships (like the quoted poster seems to be interested in) why would you expect the same strategies used to build a meaningful relationship to work on others who are also only interested in a sexual relationship? Of course you can't go out and advertise to people "hey, I'm all into a serious relationship" when A. you're not and B. the people you are trying to bed do not want a serious relationship. It isn't going to work.

Son_of_Atropos is right to some degree. He seems to be a younger fellow. I know when I was young the same phenomenon was at play and I think the times have changed to a point where it may be worse for him today. It appears that too often the quiet, respectable guy is perceived as a wimp by young women. And it does have a sexual component. Young women are sexual and always seem to want guys with some danger and atavistic sexual element in their personality. Not long ago I was in a laundromat and there was this very nice upscale looking girl sitting there sucking face with a guy that looked like a total criminal loser bum. It was that way when I was in high school, the nice girls often (not always) hanging around and dating the motorcycle bad-ass guys with the DA haircuts, engineer boots, and leather biker jackets.

Even as I got a little older the same thing was happening with the 20 year olds. Later in life they seemed to marry off to more stable guys but not always. As I say there is a sexual component to it and these young women want that apparent virility in these dangerous seeming guys. And these guys do treat these girls like dogs and it works! The girls just suck right up to it. Its very confusing for younger guys to try to find the balance between sane and dangerous and how to express it so they don't come across as a wimp. Its a difficult learning curve for them.

 

[cpdv]

Now a days there is a fine line between gentleman and sucker and it can be a difficult one to balance.

 

[sheeplady]

sheeplady,



Son_of_Atropos is right to some degree. He seems to be a younger fellow. I know when I was young the same phenomenon was at play and I think the times have changed to a point where it may be worse for him today. It appears that too often the quiet, respectable guy is perceived as a wimp by young women. And it does have a sexual component. Young women are sexual and always seem to want guys with some danger and atavistic sexual element in their personality. Not long ago I was in a laundromat and there was this very nice upscale looking girl sitting there sucking face with a guy that looked like a total criminal loser bum. It was that way when I was in high school, the nice girls often (not always) hanging around and dating the motorcycle bad-ass guys with the DA haircuts, engineer boots, and leather biker jackets.

Even as I got a little older the same thing was happening with the 20 year olds. Later in life they seemed to marry off to more stable guys but not always. As I say there is a sexual component to it and these young women want that apparent virility in these dangerous seeming guys. And these guys do treat these girls like dogs and it works! The girls just suck right up to it. Its very confusing for younger guys to try to find the balance between sane and dangerous and how to express it so they don't come across as a wimp. Its a difficult learning curve for them.

I don't think that was Son's comment- I think he pulled that from the comment section of the article.

If you think this way- that girls want to marry the good guys and sleep with the bad guys- then I think the basic question is: do you want to be the type of guy that the girl you are interested in wants to marry or the type of guy she'll just sleep with and discard when she's done with you? Because if these women really hold all the cards in the relationship as these types of posts suggest, they'll be the ones that start and relationship and they'll be the ones to end it, correct?

I love your example of the nice looking young woman and the young man who were making out. How do you know she's a nice woman? Because she's hot? Seriously?

I don't get all of this acting like an ******* to attract girls. Whomever thinks to themselves, "Well, if I act like an abusive a-hole she'll sleep with me!" is pretty much the bottom of the barrel as far as humanity. Wanting so badly to get some tail that you knowingly act like an abusive jerk to attract a woman? Disgusting. Insulting someone in a relationship just for the fun of it is verbal abuse- particularly if you are insulting them as part of a game to manipulate them into getting what you want. Pretty much all the tactics listed by that original poster are manipulative.

Sorry, but there are some men and women in this world that expect those around them to act better.

 

[Atticus Finch]

I haven't read all of the post in this thread. I did read the rules. They are some good rules.

AF

 

[cpdv]

I don't think that was Son's comment- I think he pulled that from the comment section of the article.

If you think this way- that girls want to marry the good guys and sleep with the bad guys- then I think the basic question is: do you want to be the type of guy that the girl you are interested in wants to marry or the type of guy she'll just sleep with and discard when she's done with you? Because if these women really hold all the cards in the relationship as these types of posts suggest, they'll be the ones that start and relationship and they'll be the ones to end it, correct?

I love your example of the nice looking young woman and the young man who were making out. How do you know she's a nice woman? Because she's hot? Seriously?

I don't get all of this acting like an ******* to attract girls. Whomever thinks to themselves, "Well, if I act like an abusive a-hole she'll sleep with me!" is pretty much the bottom of the barrel as far as humanity. Wanting so badly to get some tail that you knowingly act like an abusive jerk to attract a woman? Disgusting. Insulting someone in a relationship just for the fun of it is verbal abuse- particularly if you are insulting them as part of a game to manipulate them into getting what you want. Pretty much all the tactics listed by that original poster are manipulative.

Sorry, but there are some men and women in this world that expect those around them to act better.

One must not apply ones own values to the seething mass of peasantry that is much of the "younger" generation. I am 23 myself and quite familiar with the crowd about town and there are very few of us with with any elegance or class left. I would wager that 85% of the men about are the "bad boy" type and the other are Bowdoin college types who are different in that they dress different and use more expensive drugs. It only makes sense that the girls are inclined to these types as they are for the most part the only men around.

 

[HudsonHawk]

A *real* gentleman always puts the toilet seat down after he's done.

What about...

A *real* gentleman always removes the dishes from the sink before he urinates in it...

I've heard that. No lie.

 

[Foxer55]

sheeplady,

I don't think that was Son's comment- I think he pulled that from the comment section of the article.

If you think this way- that girls want to marry the good guys and sleep with the bad guys- then I think the basic question is: do you want to be the type of guy that the girl you are interested in wants to marry or the type of guy she'll just sleep with and discard when she's done with you? Because if these women really hold all the cards in the relationship as these types of posts suggest, they'll be the ones that start and relationship and they'll be the ones to end it, correct?

I love your example of the nice looking young woman and the young man who were making out. How do you know she's a nice woman? Because she's hot? Seriously?

I don't get all of this acting like an ******* to attract girls. Whomever thinks to themselves, "Well, if I act like an abusive a-hole she'll sleep with me!" is pretty much the bottom of the barrel as far as humanity. Wanting so badly to get some tail that you knowingly act like an abusive jerk to attract a woman? Disgusting. Insulting someone in a relationship just for the fun of it is verbal abuse- particularly if you are insulting them as part of a game to manipulate them into getting what you want. Pretty much all the tactics listed by that original poster are manipulative.

Sorry, but there are some men and women in this world that expect those around them to act better.

I think you miss my point. When these young guys, particularly, see outrageous behavior but are told they should act differently and find that when they do act differently they are on the outside its a shock. With regard to the couple sucking face, I'm old enough and wise enough to see contrasts and it was an glaring contrast. Ask any guy, they or at least most of them will confirm what I have said and it drives a lot of young guys crazy. It takes time for them to either learn its all a mystery or to develop a persona that suits them and their situation. Some guys figure it out, some guys don't.

Incidentally, I recall a few years ago a very young woman wrote a book about spending a year or something imitating a guy just for the experience and to write her book. She found that her entire demeanor had to change to be very aggressive and forward when she was around men. None of them knew she was a woman but she found her experience troubling because she had to maintain such an aggressive, nasty persona all the time she was with guys so they would not know she was a woman.

The battle of the sexes goes on.

 

[Foxer55]

HudsonHawk,

What about...

A *real* gentleman always removes the dishes from the sink before he urinates in it...

I've heard that. No lie.

LOL! That's great. Its as good as the sign I saw hanging in the laundromat:

PLEASE REMOVE ALL TOOLS, KNIVES, AND BULLETS FROM POCKETS BEFORE PLACING CLOTHES IN WASHERS.

 

[LizzieMaine]

What about...

A *real* gentleman always removes the dishes from the sink before he urinates in it...

I've heard that. No lie.

A *real* gentleman uses the slopjar under his bed. And empties it himself.