What do you do with a frumpy hubby?

[princessofcandl]

ok... so I do my very best. I try to be the good wife. And yes his friends are jealous. But what do I do about him?

So I love my hubby and all. I'm not even asking him to dress "vintage". I would just like him to....... dress. He may or may not fix his hair, he may or may not have holes in his socks, he may or may not have stained jeans (from work but still). I have thrown tons of things away. I do shop for him. I do compliment him when he makes an effort. But still, he is tooooooo casual.

I have even gotten to the point that I put special things of his away in my closet. He is NOT ALLOWED to wear them unless I specifically say we are going someplace nice get something from my closet. Its like guranimals for adults (remember those?).

Am I alone here?

 

[reetpleat]

Interesting thread. I wonder if there ar many guys here who have a wife or gf who does not want to dress vintage or dress up at all. Some guys here are not so much into dressing up as much as just having cool vintge clothes such as work clothes or uniforms.

I used to think that all I wanted from a gf was one who shared my love of vintage era and clothes and dressed up like me and such. I had one or two, but now I don't think it matters much to me. Living in Seattle there is no where to go out or dancing that really inspires you to dresss up anyway.

 

[Ccc]

Pray for him...! It is so very frustrating, when he does not care how he looks and I do. So, any ideas to "cure" him?

 

[pigeon toe]

My boyfriend, who luckily for me, dressed vintage/greaser when I met him, went through a major fashion slump last summer, so I know how you ladies feel!

He would wear long Dickies shorts, band t-shirts that were stretched out and faded (I don't mind the band shirts as long as they look nice and new), socks pulled up to his knees (!!!), orange converse and a baseball cap or beanie on his head. It was awful. Basically, he was dressing like that because of low self-esteem. He never wanted to dress nicely because he was feeling bad about his weight.

But eventually, after me pressuring the heck out of him all the time, and LOTS of positive reinforcement (from both me and his male friends), he dresses nicely and does his hair all the time. He looks 100x better and he knows it too.

I guess all you can really do though is get him to try new things out and have him seriously take a look at himself and see what he thinks. Of course, not all guys are gonna be into vintage or dressing nicely, but I think once he takes a look at himself in the mirror wearing clothes that really flatter him, he'll take to it.

 

[Folly]

When I met my husband he didn't exactly dress in the best of ways but then I could see past the clothes lol

Soon enough, with the odd shirt purchase here and there he soon started to change of his own accord.

Now he tends to dress smartly most of the time, usually in a more sixties way I suppose, he generally looks like he belongs in a sixties espionage film! Slim fitting dark trousers and a roll neck top and black Chelsea boots .. he also wears a lovely Royal Horse Guards jacket for gigs (he's in a sixties garage band).

 

[Miss Sis]

It is a strange phenomenon - my BF is the sharpist in his very English Vintage suits when we go out, but can be sloppy round the house.

Sometimes I have to haul things off him to get them in the wash!

Odd, very odd.

 

[Viviene]

I think some guys are just like this. My husband of 23 years was a sharp dresser in the days of dating. 23 years later he thinks nothing of putting paint stained jeans on and holey tee-shirts. Work clothes are not an issue as he wears a uniform at work. I have literally put my fingers in the holes and ripped shirts right off him so he will wear something more presentable.

It's not that he does not have nice things to wear and when I tell him he needs to wear something presentable he knows what to wear and looks good in it.

He still has a pair of cutoff jeans shorts he's had since he was 17 years old and he is now 51. I've thrown those out more times than I can count and they miraculously make their way back into his drawer. And no they don't fit.

 

[Naama]

So, I'm a notorious single so I don't have to worry about things like that (lucky me..........) but I don't think that you can force people to dress the way you want them to... Maybe you can "learn" him to wear clean clothes, but I don't think that it makes sences to make him dress the way you want him to.

Naama

 

[princessofcandl]

When I met my husband he didn't exactly dress in the best of ways but then I could see past the clothes lol

Yeah... mine was a fixer-upper too lol

 

[princessofcandl]

I think some guys are just like this. My husband of 23 years was a sharp dresser in the days of dating. 23 years later he thinks nothing of putting paint stained jeans on and holey tee-shirts. Work clothes are not an issue as he wears a uniform at work. I have literally put my fingers in the holes and ripped shirts right off him so he will wear something more presentable.

OMG!!! I have totally done this too! MANY times.

Yeah, I think his is a self esteem thing too. We've been together for 10 years and he doesn't weight what he used to. Not that I care, but he makes an issue out of it.

Well guess I'm gonna have to stroke the ego some more.

 

[Folly]

Yeah... mine was a fixer-upper too lol

Hehe, yes, when he walked into the room, I noticed the hair and eyes first and foremost and then the way he dressed - he hates to be reminded of those days lol

 

[Mindraker]

Most guys hate shopping. Eventually, over time, you will start to look alike anyway if you shop for clothes for both you and your husband at the same stores. You can probably convince (most) guys to wear anything just so he doesn't have to go "bra shopping" with you DD

 

[Matt Deckard]

When the idea of looking fanciful leaves the man I believe it can be rekindled. There have been times when i myself have dropped my standards in the name of a depressed feeling. I'm not one who wwants to fade into the background thoguh i haven't yet had the experience of a girlfriend trying to get me to dress up for a situatuin. I have however been with the gals who wear jeans and uncommon shirts as wardrobe staples. Sweatshirts and sneakers. They usually end up ccomplaining about having to dress up whenever they go out with me as we'd look too mismatched or i make them look like they didn't make the effort. If that's how the gal feels around me then so be it.. i don;t mind as long as i like the gal.

I'm sure it doesn't work the same with men who neglect their dress. Time and time again I see the lady dolled up and the man in shorts. It's shame. The only recomendations i can give and start him out on the eas end... get him a low cost suit from Target or BananaRepublic or the Gap.

Better yet get him a easy to wear sport jacket to start his wardrobe. Something that even works with jeans. Then got for the shirts and ties. A slow process, though the jacket if it fits well is a good training device for the unkempt male.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

This is a constant issue for me.

Several years ago, I had a gentleman friend who was not so gentlemanly and actually asked me to dress much fancier than everyone (including himself) because he wanted to show me off to his friends (yuck).

I currently have a wonderful gentleman friend who is very neat and tidy, but he is also very laid back and casual. Thus, his hair is nicely trimmed and his fingernails clean and his clothes pressed, but he mostly wears jeans and button down shirts (which I have absolutely nothing against and I don't want him to change the way he dresses). However, he feels I dress up too much, and he thinks it makes me look out of place when we are in the company of his casual friends.

I fear there is no happy medium.

 

[princessofcandl]

he feels I dress up too much, and he thinks it makes me look out of place when we are in the company of his casual friends.

Is dressing up too much possible?

I don't always "dress up" although I am almost always dressed. And my style runs from Glam to Quirky depending on my mood. He is just him. He really doesn't see the holes in his jeans are a problem. I will usually let him know when dressing is required. And he usually follows suit (no pun intended).

Although one time the local opera company was doing a show we went to see. He comes out of the bedroom in jeans and a short sleeve button up shirt, tails out. I was in a fab flowy wrap dress complete with heels and evening bag. I said are you serious? Look at you, now look at me. Who's gonna look stupid. He was like its at a college. I said well its still an opera and we have good seats. He was like whatever it will be fine. Well when we got there and he saw that he was the shabby-ist one in our row he said sorry.

 

[Nightshade]

I have always been a glam girl and I always over dress when going out. My ex-husband liked to wear very casual clothes. He thought he was still dressing cool(a 27 year old in high school skater clothes UGH). I would take him to stores and help him pick out clothes, but after 3 years, he still looked dumb. He just couldn't put anything together to save his life. I think some people are born to be dressed by otherslol. I know one thing, the next guy I'm with had better at least know not to put a brown belt with a black and white outfit.

 

[Spitfire]

Are men allowed here?

Guesse you all know what the experts say:
One of the sure signs that your man/husband has fallen in love (with another woman), is that he dresses sharp. He starts wearing shirts, tie etc.
Sooo.......

 

[Ruby Slippers]

Is that true for women also? lol

I like to dress nicely for me, and if he likes it great. If not, oh well.

Yet some people think that wearing a pencil skirt and heels with a sweater is "dressing up", like for an occasion, whereas I would wear that sort of thing to work or school and not really think of it as dressing up.

My idea of really dressing up involves the more expensive shoes, the cocktail dress or fancier, etc. A lot of people I know think that wearing any sort of skirt is fancy.

As for men, I suppose it differs because some guys I know think that wearing khakis in a business casual environment is dressy to the point of discomfort. They'd just rather live in jeans and t-shirts, I guess

I love the show Project Runway, and I adored Laura because of her stance on the way she dresses in day-to day life.

 

[jitterbugdoll]

I have always been a glam girl and I always over dress when going out. My ex-husband liked to wear very casual clothes. He thought he was still dressing cool(a 27 year old in high school skater clothes UGH).

My most recent beau had this same problem; he was 29 and dressed as if he was still in high school. I certainly didn't hold it against him (he was a very nice fellow otherwise), but I do think we looked odd together, with me always in my finest and he in the clothes he wore that day to his job as a machinist [huh]

I did try to make the occasional polite suggestion as to suitable attire (for example, how about a shirt in a color other then black—hey, it could be fun, you never know) but he thought himself to be somewhat of a rebel and generally ignored me lol

Oh, and I loved Laura on PR as well--that lady was a class act and I loved her very retro maternity outfits

 

[Spitfire]

"Is that true for women also?"
Oh no. They allways dress sharp.