Walking Into The Past...

[K.D. Lightner]

If they lied to her and she is miserable in a nursing home (where she will die much faster than she would have in her home) someone who is concerned and caring ought to visit her, see what her status is, then call in Adult Protective Services and report that she was forced and/or cajoled into leaving her home by unscrupulous relatives.

Doesn't sound like these people have any ethics.

One thing I will say: They will someday be old, too. If they have taught their children/grandchildren their own value system, guess what?!!?

What comes around, goes around.

karol

 

[waingirl]

Last spring my husband's family put his grandmother (my mother in law's mother) into a nursing home. She was living in one of her 2 daughters houses, and hadn't stayed in her own home in a few years. She fell on a few occasions, and that was the last straw to the girls. She is 82 and of sound mind, just a slow walker and sometimes doesn't pick her feet up enough when she walks. She has never hurt herself. Anyhoo, the whole family went thru her things and took what we all wanted. I took the most! My husband took his late grandfather's WWII and Korean war stuff, and fishing stuff.
Gram's 2 daughters then sold most of her belongings in a tag sale, which is fine. The thing that irks me to this day is all the memorable paperwork that was taken up to their camp and burned in the camp fire. I saved as much as I could, but I know there is a lot I missed. When we were going thru the paperwork, birth cert's, diplomas, old newspaper obits of ancestors long gone, hand written notes from her husband during the wars. They didn't want any of it. I am big into genealogy, all those documents are so important.
All my mother in law and her sister wanted was any money they could get from their parents "valuables". They know nothing about their family history or care about it in general. (I never knew my grandparents, they were born in 1904 and 1906. But my most treasured possession is my great- grandmothers diary from 1924.)
Sadly, now that Gram is in the nursing home, she doesn't walk at all, they just push her around in the wheel chair. She lives about an hour away, so we try to visit as much as we can.

 

[Paisley]

No, she wasn't senile in any way. The woman still drove! I would always see her in the summer doing her gardening, as nimble as a 20yr old. The family, I'm assuming just wanted the money. They sold the house to a contractor.

If you thought this lady was being defrauded out of her money, why didn't you call the attorney general?

I'm trying to follow the money, but a few things don't make sense. First, the money from the sale of a house goes to the owner, not the owner's relatives. Second, a nursing home or assisted living is very expensive. Third, you cannot just stick someone in an institution against their will. If the lady wasn't senile, she wouldn't have agreed to any of this if she didn't want to move. The sister I mentioned was mentally ill (we believe), and my family looked into having her put in a home where she would be taken care of. It's very difficult to do that--which is as it should be.

Nobody here knows the details of this lady's health or finances. I'm a little surprised that a family who let neighbors take whatever they wanted from the house isn't shown a little gratitude, but is accused of theft and fraud.

 

[Big Man]

... you cannot just stick someone in an institution against their will ...

You would be surprised how many people are stuck into institutions against their will.

 

[Fletch]

I'm trying to follow the money, but a few things don't make sense.

Blood runs deeper than money. In a situation like this, people often cannot or will not be cool and rational. They will often do destructive or wasteful things because of unconscious bad feeling or resentment toward the family member, or simply because they are too traumatized by it all to do anything but what is customary.

Also, depending on the jurisdiction and the latitude granted judges, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it were easier to get a person declared incompetent because of unusual pastimes or habits. If you live, say, in the middle of crackerbox development land, collecting 20th century memorabilia is going to seem a lot weirder than if you live in an old growth city or town.

 

[jayem]

If you thought this lady was being defrauded out of her money, why didn't you call the attorney general?

I'm trying to follow the money, but a few things don't make sense. First, the money from the sale of a house goes to the owner, not the owner's relatives. Second, a nursing home or assisted living is very expensive. Third, you cannot just stick someone in an institution against their will. If the lady wasn't senile, she wouldn't have agreed to any of this if she didn't want to move. The sister I mentioned was mentally ill (we believe), and my family looked into having her put in a home where she would be taken care of. It's very difficult to do that--which is as it should be.

Nobody here knows the details of this lady's health or finances. I'm a little surprised that a family who let neighbors take whatever they wanted from the house isn't shown a little gratitude, but is accused of theft and fraud.

I'm sure it was decently easy to get her into a home since she is almost 100 and living alone. But like I said, who knows? Maybe once she got there, and realizing she wasn't returning to her house, she agreed to stay. It's not so much the money I'm even focusing on, since really I don't know how much everything was worth (though, I'm assuming a lot since I was in there before Evelyn left and that house is like an antique goldmine). It's just the simple fact that they ignored everything worth something to their FAMILY, not to collectors. It was very nice of them, I'll admit, to let us go through their 'junk', for I'd hate to see that stuff rotting at the bottom of a dumpster. To me, they just seemed a bit shady, uncaring. Everything was business and money.

C'mon, you're going to defend a person who told her grandmother to 'will herself to die'? Now, it could be all gossip, but I wouldn't put it past.

 

[Paisley]

Blood runs deeper than money. In a situation like this, people often cannot or will not be cool and rational. They will often do destructive or wasteful things because of unconscious bad feeling or resentment toward the family member, or simply because they are too traumatized by it all to do anything but what is customary.

Also, depending on the jurisdiction and the latitude granted judges, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it were easier to get a person declared incompetent because of unusual pastimes or habits. If you live, say, in the middle of crackerbox development land, collecting 20th century memorabilia is going to seem a lot weirder than if you live in an old growth city or town.

I understand the pain of dealing with someone else's stuff, especially from out of state. I imagine the family was doing the best they could.

Given the ethos over the past few decades of letting mentally ill people fend for themselves, I'd be surprised if someone were declared incompetent because they collected memorabilia.

The chief complaint about the family is that they didn't appreciate the memorabilia. But if they couldn't have parted with it, what then? They'd have had to pack up a houseful of stuff--stuff accumulated for 69 years--haul it halfway across the country and put it in storage. Wasn't it better to sell it or give it away to people who appreciate it?

 

[Paisley]

C'mon, you're going to defend a person who told her grandmother to 'will herself to die'? Now, it could be all gossip, but I wouldn't put it past.

Are you in contact with this lady? Or are you hearing this second or third hand? If you think she's been defrauded and stolen from and being forced into an early grave, I suggest again that you call the attorney general. What you're suggesting her family did is a serious crime. Otherwise, I think it should be chalked up to, as you say, gossip.

 

[jayem]

Wasn't it better to sell it or give it away to people who appreciate it?

I suppose so. I'll definitely cherish the items, even if it wasn't my family. Coming from a family where it's so incredibly hard for us to even find photos of my great-grandparents... I am a bit mad that a family with such a rich amount of history can toss it. Call me biased.

Second hand, so calling any law would be based on only what I've heard, not cold hard facts. I sure hope all I hear is just vicious gossip, or it would make me very sad. But, there's nothing I can really do. The house has been sold to a contractor, and Evelyn is living off in southern California.

 

[Paisley]

The thing is, even among sensible people with no agenda, gossip tends to get more shocking and less factual with each telling. Of course, anything is possible, but a more mundane explanation usually turns out to be at the bottom of things.

I bet Evelyn would like a letter and a Valentine's Day card from you and your friend wishing her well in California. I would avoid mentioning her belongings, though, in case she wasn't ready to part with them.

 

[jayem]

The thing is, even among sensible people with no agenda, gossip tends to get more shocking and less factual with each telling. Of course, anything is possible, but a more mundane explanation usually turns out to be at the bottom of things.

I bet Evelyn would like a letter and a Valentine's Day card from you and your friend wishing her well in California. I would avoid mentioning her belongings, though, in case she wasn't ready to part with them.

I was thinking about sending her one. I bought this lovely vintage Valentines that I'm sure she'd love. I know if I were in her situation, I'd love to hear a cheery greeting from a friend back home.