Vintage Etiquette

[desi_de_lu_lu]

Hello Lounge,

I was originally going to post this question in the Powder Room, but this is really a topic crossing both genders so I post it here.

I was recently reading in another forum (non FL) about etiquette and it got me thinking about my own etiquette (or lack thereof on occasion), and how "old school' were my manners anyway.

So I pose the following questions to the loungers:

How 'old school' are your manners anyway? Do you have the Emily Post book by your beside? Live by the credo WWEPD? (What would Emily Post Do?)
Do you answer your elders by "Yes Sir/Ma'am?" Do you send thank you notes before the 6 week period is up? Do you have calling cards? (not for ATT but for you and the Mrs. with your address and phone number?)

Or do you dismiss old school manners as outdated and invalid for the year 2008?

Gentlemen: Do you still go out of your way to open the door for ladies? (even if they aren't your wife/girlfriend/mother/sister?) Pull out her chair? Take her coat? Bite your tongue when you want to raise your voice to her?

Ladies: Do you excuse yourself from the dinner table to freshen up your makeup? Do you sit with your right leg over your left when seated?

These of course are just SOME of the old school manners that were common back in the day... I am just curious to know if your vintage lifestyle includes the kind of comportment that was the norm back in the day.

 

[rmrdaddy]

Great questions Desi!

I can only speak for myself. But, I really did grow up in a "Leave it to Beaver" household. My folks are older, and they are COMPLETELY products of the
40's/50's. You know, freezer in the basement, rack of canned goods, buy everything outright, etc..
As a result, I was raised with that set of values.
I hold doors for almost everyone, my customers, women, strangers, strange women . Doesn't matter.
My wife has almost come to the realization that I AM going to help her on/off with her coat everytime.
No wonder I always got the "you should have lived in the 50's from A LOT of people all my life.
One of our members posted in another thread something to the effect that we don't do these things to please others, we do them to please ourselves.
Yep...that about says it.

 

[LolitaHaze]

If I remember correctly... the Emily Post book says it is ok to touch up makeup at the table... but I could be wrong here. Now I am going to have to look it up. :-/

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

If I remember correctly... the Emily Post book says it is ok to touch up makeup at the table... but I could be wrong here. Now I am going to have to look it up. :-/

I will bring the book with me tomorrow.. LOL I am the queen of all things Emily Post.

It’s okay to quickly apply lipstick at the table if you’re with close friends or relatives in a non-business situation, and at a non-deluxe restaurant. In general, personal grooming should be done in private for the simple reason that it can be annoying and it’s tacky. But putting on lipstick without using a mirror and without fanfare is one grooming ritual that can sometimes be performed in front of others. Still, think first! When in doubt, don’t do it, such as when you’re at a business meal or with people you don’t know very well.

 

[The Shirt]

I generally say a lot of "Miss" rather than "Ma'am" (Lordy did I cry when I got my first "Ma'am") and always "Sir". I hold the door when people behind me are coming thru it, always get it for my elders. I will happily give up my seat to someone older or a mom with kids in tow. I generally only touch up my lipstick at the table if my honey is in the restroom already. I never answer my cell phone at the table. In fact I will rarely take a call when I am with another person unless it is an emergency. My mother's calls take precedence over any one else's. I am trying hard to get my thank you cards out in 2 weeks, though I am terrible with birthday cards. I slyly take the inside of the sidewalk so my boyfriend can do the right thing by walking on the street side -heh heh. I try - but some things I admit I must be oblivious to. The crossing ankles has never felt right - but crossed legs in dresses or skirts is a must for me.

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

Great questions Desi!

I can only speak for myself. But, I really did grow up in a "Leave it to Beaver" household. My folks are older, and they are COMPLETELY products of the
40's/50's. You know, freezer in the basement, rack of canned goods, buy everything outright, etc..
As a result, I was raised with that set of values.
I hold doors for almost everyone, my customers, women, strangers, strange women . Doesn't matter.
My wife has almost come to the realization that I AM going to help her on/off with her coat everytime.
No wonder I always got the "you should have lived in the 50's from A LOT of people all my life.
One of our members posted in another thread something to the effect that we don't do these things to please others, we do them to please ourselves.
Yep...that about says it.

My husband totally wants the "Leave it to Beaver" household. (Including me staying at home.)

No complaints from me!

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

I slyly take the inside of the sidewalk so my boyfriend can do the right thing by walking on the street side -heh heh. I try - but some things I admit I must be oblivious to.

Scott will physically put me on the inside if I try to walk on the sidewalk side. THen he will say something snarky like "I am not trying to get rid of you yet.."

 

[Paisley]

I have the 1940 edition of Emily Post's Etiquette at home. If anyone has a burning need to find something out about manners of that era, I'll look it up.

 

[Foofoogal]

Aw, that is so sweet of your Scott.

I had depression era parents. My mom would be 99 now if she had lived. She passed away at 64.
I have it so ingrained in me to say yes maam and yes sir I still call older people and people on the phone that.
One of my treasures is an etiquette book my mom gave me when I was 12. I still try to do some of those things. My mom used to have us walk around with books on our head for posture. Anyone ever did this?

One particular thing that for some reason always drives me nuts is this old rule. I don't know why but it really bothers me if I see this done wrong.

A man should never, ever, ever extend his hand out to a lady first. She should always be the one that initiates this gesture.

I always also let a man know when he opens a door for me and thank him.
Nowadays he is taking such a risk.

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

I have the 1940 edition of Emily Post's Etiquette at home. If anyone has a burning need to find something out about manners of that era, I'll look it up.

I have a burning need to have that book.

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

I always also let a man know when he opens a door for me and thank him.
Nowadays he is taking such a risk.

I will stand by the door .......waiting until Scott opens the door. He has me trained pretty well.

On the other hand, he has me trained too well that when he is not around, I will out of habit wait for another man to open the door. In which case it doesn't always happen.

 

[LocktownDog]

Yep. Well-mannered to a fault, at times. In fact its one of the reason my ex called me "old-fashioned and boring". The way I was brought up, I had to learn manners real quick or my pa would smack me upside the back of my head. I had a lot of learning to do. I still take of my hat in front of a lady when circumstances apply, hold doors open, offer my arm when escorting any lady.

I used to walk the neighbor lady across the street every morning, rain or shine. Sweet old gal who didn't really need my help, but it gave her the chance to be talkative and sure cheered her up.

Richard

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

Yep. Well-mannered to a fault, at times. In fact its one of the reason my ex called me "old-fashioned and boring". The way I was brought up, I had to learn manners real quick or my pa would smack me upside the back of my head. I had a lot of learning to do. I still take of my hat in front of a lady when circumstances apply, hold doors open, offer my arm when escorting any lady.

I used to walk the neighbor lady across the street every morning, rain or shine. Sweet old gal who didn't really need my help, but it gave her the chance to be talkative and sure cheered her up.

Richard

You stick to your guns, LocktownDog... someday the right gal will come along and appreciate the heck out of your good breeding!

 

[$ally]

Also discussed here:
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=5834

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

Also discussed here:
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=5834

Thanks $ally, I just didn't want to keep it gender specific.

 

[pin_up_pixie]

I love Emily Post, and vintage etiquette, however, sometimes you need a more modern guide. Have any of you read "The Modern Girls Guide to Decorum" By Kim Izzo? It's pretty good. It touches on things like cell phones, dating, and sex...without marriage...lol.

That being said, I love it when men open doors and pull out chairs, and I try my hardest, in this crazy modern world, to always be a lady.

Now if I could only find more people in real life like the gentlemen and ladies on this board.

 

[freebird]

I found the 1922 edition of Emily Post online and thought I would post it here for everyone to enjoy.

As for me, I have always opened doors (even in JR. High and got some sharp retorts) and pulled chairs (should've seen the odd looks at the McDonalds lol). I also call my elders "Sir" or "Ma'am". When dating I would go to the door, rather than pulling up in the drive and honking and always, and I do mean always, show up with at least one flower, most usually a bouqet. Mom said I scared the young ladies off,they didn't know what to make of me, but I've also heard them make snide remarks about my looks, not knowing I was within earshot.

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

and sex...without marriage...lol.

Unheard of..! *gasp* lol

 

[desi_de_lu_lu]

I found the 1922 edition of Emily Post online and thought I would post it here for everyone to enjoy.

Freebird, this should be mandatory reading... I especially like the section for "Everyday Manners at Home." (#36)

Thanks for the link.

 

[donCarlos]

I was not raised to be extra gentleman and I have to admit that I´m not. However, the clothes I wear make the difference. When I wear some kind of suit or jacket, I feel like I shall be more polite, so I try to. Holding the door for ladies, taking the coats, eating like a human, not like a hungry pig... It needs a lot of effort, but I think I´m getting better every day Unfortunately, the times have changed a lot since the golden era and lots of the old etiquette stuff is completely unusable in today´s world.

In the 1920´s, there was a man in Czechoslovakia, his name was Jaroslav Guth, and he was our president´s Master of Ceremonies. He wrote several books on this topic (one was aimed especially to young generation and their behaviour towards the authorities) and these books are even nowadays considered the solid base of knowledge on this topic. However, after more than 80 years, these books are a little bit outdated. Master of Ceremonies of former president Havel took up the job and revised the rules and published them. The interesting thing is that the whole edition was sold in quite a short time and there is no way how to get the book. That means that the people are not completely uncareful about the etiquette.