To black tie or not to black tie

[anglophile]

Recently I had a midnight blue tuxedo made to measure. I was planning to wear it to New Years Eve but then I thought why not to Christmas Eve and/or Christmas dinner?I'm allways looking for a chance to wear it.

These are family events where most other men will be in button down shirts at best. They are my family so they should know that by wearing a tuxedo I'm not trying to show anyone up. Also my daily dress is at least a sportcoat(so I'm dressier anyway). So should I wear my tuxedo?

If I don't I will probably wear a sportcoat and tie.

 

[Tomasso]

In this instance, over dressing would be as great a faux pas as under dressing.

 

[ShoreRoadLady]

In this instance, over dressing would be as great a faux pas as under dressing.

What the gentleman said. I know, it hurts, but it's family and a tuxedo sounds just a bit *too* dressy.

 

[GBR]

No - do not overdress - that would merely make you the centre of (adverse) attention which is surely not your objective.

 

[Max Flash]

I think Christmas dinner would be a faux pas - traditionally, Christmas dinner is eaten at lunchtime or mid-afternoon and wearing black tie before 6 is definitely out of the question as it is evening formal-wear (hence why I don't agree with black tie being worn at day weddings).

Christmas eve might be okay, but if the event is not formal then why buck the trend? Wearing a sport coat when others are wearing button-downs is one thing, but wearing black tie to an event that does not call for that dress code just seems strange to me. I know that people on here have a focus on what was worn in the vintage era, but people did not spend their lives dressing in black tie every time they picked up a cocktail or sat down for a meal!

 

[3PieceSuitGuy]

I agree

As much as I love Black Tie, wearing it to a family do at Christmas is a bit too much. Save it for NYE! Wear your sport coat and a tie if you want to dress up a bit.

 

[David V]

I'll join the chorus of Nos.
It's a casual family gathering. Sit on the floor and play with the kids and their new toys.

 

[Cody Pendant]

Go for it!

Was not black tie, worn for dinner in the home first?
I’ll be the first Yes vote. If you’re comfortable, go for it. How about; if it is a late dinner (after six as it has been suggested) you wear the tuxedo for the dinner (you could invite them to do the same) and then change into more casual clothes for the remainder of the eve. On the other hand, perhaps invite them for cocktails later in the night, and as host dress as you might.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

I think Christmas dinner would be a faux pas - traditionally, Christmas dinner is eaten at lunchtime or mid-afternoon and wearing black tie before 6 is definitely out of the question as it is evening formal-wear (hence why I don't agree with black tie being worn at day weddings).

It depends on where you are. In the UK (where Max Flash is) that might be the norm (lunch to mid-afternoon) but here in the States, it depends on what your tradition is. For some, it's a post-six Christmas Eve dinner and then leftovers and snack-type things on Christmas itself. Or it could be the big dinner in the evening on Christmas Day. For us, it's Christmas Day in the evening, with candles & a roaring fireplace, and frankly, after years of battling it, whatever anyone wants to wear is OK. I won't say FINE because i was brought up it was a dress-up ocassion, and if it's with the other half's family you're lucky if it's clean jeans and button shirt (vs. t-shirt).

But I think the over-riding principle is dress appropriate to the occasion and in keeping with how the rest of the attendees will be dressed unless there's an invitation specifically stating otherwise (i.e., most of the cretins are coming in cut-offs & t-shirts, and yet the invitation states black tie - go with what the invitation says). But since yours sounds like a more casual group, I'd forego the tux. But if you were coming here, or for New Year's Eve...

 

[scotrace]

Here's a strongly expressed "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

You can do black tie on a date with someone you are serious about as a stay-in dinner date where you do all the cooking (or have it delivered) as a fun thing. That's about the only occasion on which you could wear black tie outside of a black tie event. Christmas with family where everyone else will be casual is probably just asking for a note of tension in the air when everyone just wants to relax and have fun.

 

[Feraud]

Another strong vote for NO.

 

[Bird's One View]

Black tie can always be worn after sunset, which is well before 6pm in the winter in many places. The 6pm rule was instated to ensure that it could be worn in the summer at all.

 

[Cody Pendant]

Dieing to know …Wadidyado?

Dieing to know …Wadidyado?
How 'bout it Anglophile, what's the scoop?
Did ya, or did'nt ya? That is the question.

 

[Paisley]

Though I'm a little late, I'll say no as well. One of the tenets of good manners is, or used to be, to avoid attracting attention. When you attract attention, it makes the occasion all about you. In that sense a tuxedo at a casual family gathering is the equivalent of an orange jumpsuit.

If your family is typical, they'll talk about the tuxedo at the Christmas dinner for years. And years. I still hear about the too-short shorts my best friend's ex wore eight years ago.

If you are aiming for the spirit and not just the appearance of the Golden Era, I suggest you wear your tuxedo when the occasion calls for it instead of looking for occasions to wear it.

 

[Jauntyone]

Though I'm a little late, I'll say no as well. One of the tenets of good manners is, or used to be, to avoid attracting attention. When you attract attention, it makes the occasion all about you. In that sense a tuxedo at a casual family gathering is the equivalent of an orange jumpsuit.

If your family is typical, they'll talk about the tuxedo at the Christmas dinner for years. And years. I still hear about the too-short shorts my best friend's ex wore eight years ago.

If you are aiming for the spirit and not just the appearance of the Golden Era, I suggest you wear your tuxedo when the occasion calls for it instead of looking for occasions to wear it.

It's true that, according to the classic rules of etiquette, a gentleman should never seek to draw attention to his attire or to make others feel ill at ease by dressing in an inappropriate way. However this consideration was a product of a time when most people tried hard to dress as well as they could and when genuinely poor people might feel they were at a disadvantage because they couldn't afford clothing specific to an occasion.
Things have changed drastically. People no longer make an effort to dress well. Decent clothing is within the reach of even the most modest of wage-earners. If we are to fit in and dress in a manner that will not draw attention to ourselves, then we must adopt the same "slobbish" attitude as the rest of society.
I say, wear a dinner jacket! You could wear a suit, or a sport coat, or white-tie and tails but the sad fact is that most people are incapable of distinguishing between these different levels of formality. Any effort you make, however modest it be, will cause you to stand out.
If your dinner is in the evening then you are correctly dressed if you wear a dinner jacket. The other guests dressed in baggy jeans and t-shirts are not. Wear your clothes as a sign of respect for your host, be polite to the other guests who might be curious about your clothes, help serve the food, join in clearing the table and doing the dishes, animate the conversation and make sure no-one is left out. If you are going to dress like a gentleman, then you'll have to play the part as well. If you do then people will talk for years--about what a great guest you were!

 

[normanpitkin]

in my family we always wear black tie in the evening for christmas dinner and afterwards always play charades,it is one of the few constants in our lives!Everyone has to make the effort as a mark of respect for tradition, I say wear the tuxedo and show the rest of 'em how it should be done!! Formality is the way forward .

 

[Paisley]

Things have changed drastically. People no longer make an effort to dress well. Decent clothing is within the reach of even the most modest of wage-earners. If we are to fit in and dress in a manner that will not draw attention to ourselves, then we must adopt the same "slobbish" attitude as the rest of society.

You can wear casual clothes without being a slob. Slacks, a shirt and a pullover sweater are casual yet nice. Unless Anglophile's family goes barefoot and doesn't bother to comb their hair, such an outfit shouldn't stick out.

 

[Jauntyone]

You can wear casual clothes without being a slob. Slacks, a shirt and a pullover sweater are casual yet nice. Unless Anglophile's family goes barefoot and doesn't bother to comb their hair, such an outfit shouldn't stick out.

Yes, you're right of course. I don't mean to say black-tie is Anglophile's only option; there is a whole range of perfectly acceptable attire from which he can choose.
I rather got the impression that he wanted to wear black-tie, and I don't think there's any reason why he shouldn't other than that he doesn't want to. If other guests can dress as they like, why not he? The irony is that people who want to make a bit of an effort are afraid of being ridiculed. If his family is a very poor one and nobody can afford nice clothing, then yes, it would be in bad taste for him to "show them up". Otherwise he should feel as free to dress up as they feel to dress down. Anglophile stated that he will at least wear a sportcoat and tie, which is enough to single him out as an "odd duck" in most people's opinion, so why not go whole-hog and wear the dinner jacket?
Dressing casually is nice, if it's personal choice but not if it's an obligation.

 

[B. F. Socaspi]

doesn't bother to comb their hair.

I actually doubt most men these days do, unless in an attempt to make it "artistically" messy

 

[59Lark]

to agree is too disagree.

The fact is that people dont dress up for family functions expect for wedding and funerals and that rule is even going out of the window for this generation. The fact that I always wear a suit to a funeral is something that was burned into my being, dont own a tux wore one once for a wedding 25 years ago. The pin stripe black double breasted suit and overcoat and fedora have to do for dressed up. The lastest generation wear jeans to church and funerals, having to go up to teens and saying please take your ball cap off in a sanctuary is sad. I usually wear a tie and cardigian to my family outings and am always the most dressed. Before you think that my family is barbians, we once owned a 25 room house, my ancestral home. Those days are gone, my eldest brother thinks that i dress like a gangster but hey he fixes tractors for a living, good fella though. MY OPINION LEAVE THE TUX HOME, dress notches better than the rest not miles. 59Lark.fftopic: