The loss of occasion

[Matt Deckard]

I think now is a time where we have lost the sense of occasion. Christmas and Holloween maybe not so muh, though the other times when we need to dress up and be there for an event tend to be underdone.

I do like how the vintage scene tries to recapture occasion though in a retro artificial way at times. Sometimes the feeling is there and sometimes it's a costume affair with some in t-shirts and some in black tie and neither feeling the energy of the occasion.

 

[pretty faythe]

I know what you mean. Living in Vegas, we have pics at the convention center of people at the casinos back in the day, not dressed in casual wear, but dressed up. Casinos were a formal affair place to be, I wonder when that changed.

 

[Paisley]

I'm trying to remember my last "occasion." I haven't been to a wedding in about 15 years, Xmas and Thanksgiving are usually days at my parents' house, and I no longer feel a desire to dress up for Halloween.

 

[John in Covina]

Milestones and religious holidays

We rarely see any type of "Pomp & Circumstance" ceremonies anymore, few attend any religeous ceremonies with a sense of awe and respect. So its the dumbed down society where every one is barely mediocre or average at best with no sense of respect and therefore no sense of occasion.

I went to a funeral a few years back for the mother of a friend and there the kids all came dressed as skate board punks, in rock band t-shirts, shorts and sneakers with AM-PM minimarket Big Gulp cups sucking on the straws. The girls were dressed as if to go to school, latest trend jeans and what ever t-shirts.

I was one of 2 adults wearing a tie, not conting people that worked there.
(It was very hot, I didn't wear a jacket.)

One guy showed up in his gas station uniform but at least it was clean.

Half of the adult men wear in shorts and sandals, most of the women looked like they were going to do yard work or excercise.

The concept that they were there to honor the person and comfort the immediate family seemed totally lost on the whole bunch of them.

The perfect atmosphere for a really stupid cell phone ring tone too. Which reminds me at Easter Services at least 5 cell phones rang during the service!
:rage:

A friend said to me once: "Poor people have poor ways."

 

[Fletch]

In summer 1991 I attended the funeral of my 92 year old great-aunt in Des Moines. With the occasion in mind, I dressed in a charcoal grey lightweight suit, white shirt and a sober tie. It turned out I was the most formally dressed person there, including the minister, funeral director, and her 80 year old kid brother. [huh]

 

[StanleyVanBuren]

My high school friends and I are planning a week this summer where we will all be back in town. Right now, we're struggling to figure out what type of formal event we're going to have to get everyone in their suits/dresses.

Basically, we want to be able to say "OK everyone, get your suits on, because we're going to do ________" and we can't figure out what to put in the blank. The only ideas so far are to have a cocktail party at someone's house, or to go to the horse races. But none of us are actually into horse racing all that much, and I'm guessing people don't actually get dressed up to go the races anymore anyway.

So any thoughts/ideas would be helpful. We need an "occasion."

 

[Viola]

Throw a dance? Go to the opera/theatre? Have a black tie dinner for no good reason? Hell, its a reunion party, that is a good reason.

Most of the ladies and 2/3rds of the guys at my parents' congregation dress for High Holidays. Very few mens' hats in the crowd, but lots of suits. The women often wear hats. Some wear hats every week. (Clearly, I need to start going every week and increasing the odds)

1/3rd of the the guys look like total butt, and unfortunately odds are those are the guys my age. Eagles jerseys are not formalwear, boys!

-Viola

 

[BegintheBeguine]

The energy crisis, then grunge

Every day I wake up is an occasion and I try to dress for it.
Leisure suits and pantsuits for women killed the glamorous dressing up at casinos. Maybe that was because of the recession, anyone know? Now even they would be considered dressed up. People before my time even used to dress up to go out to eat, and that was just the fish house down the road. I miss the 80s when people really dressed up to out for a drink or hear a band. We really did! The energy crisis, then grunge

 

[Jovan]

I was recently invited to a "Casino Night." Unfortunately, I have no reason to expect anyone will be dressed for the occasion. I'll feel uncomfortable whether I'm dressed like everyone else or I'm the only one to dress appropriately. It's a no-win scenario.

 

[Pink Dahlia]

I have a high school reunion coming up. Shudder. Does that count as an occasion?

 

[Adelaidey]

Alas, noone dresses for the theatre anymore either.... the last play I went to, nearly everyone was in jeans or such... so very sad...

 

[pretty faythe]

I have a high school reunion coming up. Shudder. Does that count as an occasion?

Well, I dressed up for my 10 year (oh my gosh, its been 15 already!!!!) reunion and most of the people there did use it as an occasion to dress up.

 

[Diamondback]

Well, I never "dress down"--only my best khakis for daily wear, does that count?

 

[Lonn]

Underground?

Hi,
This all reminds me of how fortunate I am to be a member of the Fremont Arts Council here in Seattle. We "do" a number of occasions every year.
Next on the calender is May Day. The real thing. May pole, jumping over the fire, marriages. A real dress up affair.
Then the Fremont Solstice Parade. World Famous. Lots of fun. I'll be the Grand Marshall again this year and you can bet I'll dress for that! I already have a new pair of Brooks Brothers slacks to start the outfit. And my "dress" Panama.
And on and on. This group has a real keen sense of the importance of occasion and community and I am proud and blessed to be a member.
Perhaps your communities have groups just under the radar that value these principals as well? They are not always easy to find. We only show up in the local news as a result of some controversy or another now and then. But we are here and plan to grow old together.
Best of luck finding others that appreciate the value of occasion and community.
lonn

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

Around my house and my families friends, occasions are in order every so often, and people generally dress up to today's standards. I generally avoid them though. They're my familie's friends. I enjoy being around my own. I've also felt an artificial feeling of some of the vintage/retro events, but everyone is friendly, which is find by me.

 

[LizzieMaine]

My last trip to a big-city nighttime theatrical event, at the Boston Opera House last winter, maybe half the people there were wearing dressy clothes -- and some of the women even wore *evening* clothes, which used to be standard-issue for such events. (I was not among the gowned myself, because I didn't have time to change into one after a four-hour drive -- but I did wear a nice dress.) On the other side of the note, no one I noticed was *sloppy*, as in pajama bottoms and the like, which I took as a good sign.

When I was little, I remember my grandmother used to dress to the nines to do her grocery shopping. Every week she'd put on a suit and heels and a hat and push a cart around the First National -- viewing herself as the last bastion of Decorum in a world gone mad. In her view, anytime you were out before the eyes of the public, it was an Occasion, advice I have tried my best to follow....

 

[Rafter]

When I was little, I remember my grandmother used to dress to the nines to do her grocery shopping. In her view, anytime you were out before the eyes of the public, it was an Occasion, advice I have tried my best to follow....

Seems there's a lot of your grandmother in you Lizzie. Your grandmother helped nurture in you an appreciation of beauty and elegance.
I lost my grandmother three weeks ago. The dear Lady may be resting now, but so much of her is alive in my heart and memories. I'd like to think she instilled in me her "Sense of Occasion".
Everytime she stepped out of the door, was an "Occasion". Sad to say very few people today take care and pride in their appearance.

 

[RaasAlHayya]

My condolences on your loss, Rafter.

--Leslie

 

[Mike in Seattle]

First, let me echo other posts on condolences on your loss, Rafter. It sounds like your grandmother was my kind of gal, and I'm sure your many good memories will comfort you.

But as to loss of ocassion, on this and many other threads here on the Lounge, it seems a large majority of the population just want to dress like slobs and think it's appropriate for any occasion. "They're lucky I came at all - what does it matter how I chose to dress? At least I'm comfortable!" But the real answer is - it's a sign of respect, it's a sign of taking the extra effort to look your best, it's dressing appropriately for the ocassion, and it's a sign of being an adult.

I've been to funerals, weddings, concerts, church, etc. like those mentioned previously where it looks like many if not most of those in attendance believe that a dirty T-shirt with breakfast & lunch's spill stains on them, ratty gym shorts and flip-flops, looking like you just rolled out of bed and grabbed what's handy was fine if not de rigueur for this sort of occasion.

A friend's sister showed up at their mother's funeral in a loud, flower-print dress and great big hat. One older woman behind me quipped to a friend "And will she also tap-dance on the coffin as it's lowered into the grave?" Friend's retort - "Not in those heels!" Completely appropriate for an afternoon tea, but for your mother's funeral? Her iPod earphones in her ear and talking to friends on the cellphone repeatedly during the service, and loud enough for everyone to hear. "We're almost done here - I may cut out early so I'm on-time for lunch!" Her sister finally smacked her in the back of the head (and not hard enough, IMHO) when the minister said "Let us bow our heads and pray" and you could hear her softly singing along with the iPod "I'll take you to the candy shop...I'll let you suck the lallipop..." While admittedly, she was dressed up, it was obvious she'd dressed for lunch with the girls more than a somber time of mourning.

I guess I can only write it off as part of the "me generation." I'm going to be comfortable. I'm going to wear what I want to wear. Who cares if the invitation says "black tie" - it's hot so I'm wearing shorts and sandals. It's Saturday - why should I shave just because we're going to a party? The invitation says dinner at 7:30 but I'll get there at 9 because I want to go to the mall on the way but I won't call because they'll get all huffy with me. Why bother RSVP'ing - if I show up, fine and if I don't that's fine, too. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks - it's all about me.

 

[Feng_Li]

I recently attended a funeral for a fellow schoolteacher...most of the boys in attendance knew enough to wear at least chinos and a tie. The girls, I think, hadn't thought beyond "wear black to a funeral," because they were all wearing slinky plunging cocktail dresses. A funeral is not the place to show off bare shoulders and cleavage.

On the other hand, I remember when my school group was in Italy a lot of the churches wouldn't even allow the girls inside unless their shoulders were covered.