Sorting Through my feelings and Reflecting on the Past

[Nashoba]

Ok, so my husband is leaving on Sunday. He'll be gone for the rest of the year for training and briefings, I'll see him in November for the Ball, at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then he'll leave again in the beginning of the year for an undetermined stay at Camp Lejune before embarking on his second tour of duty in Iraq and once he returns home he'll be gone for another 5 months or so for debriefing, demobilization and doing things for Toys for Tots. As I've been trying to sort through all of my pre-deployment fears, concerns, and roller coaster emotions, I can't help but observe at how fortunate I am to be sending my husband to war in this time period. I have to say now this IS NOT a political conversation nor should it become so. Our own personal ideological viewpoints are irrelevent to this particular subject. I know that we all have our own ideas about the right and wrong of current world events but that is not reflective of why I am making my comments below. Disclaimer done...
As difficult as it is to have him gone, I know that he will call every chance he gets, will likely have internet access a good portion of the time for email and instant message chat with a webcam though I will be lucky if I get a single letter (I got one last time, he's terrible at writing). I know that I will hear his voice at least once weekly. And if heaven forbid something should actually happen to him, I will not receive a cold impersonal telegram from the Dept of the Navy telling me of their regrets to inform me. I will have two Marines and a grief counselor at my door to hold me up while it sinks in. He will not be gone for years at a time but will only be in country 6-8 months. All in all he will be gone about 16 months and not the several years that was the norm in WWII.
I've been reflecting on this and what it must have been like for our mothers, grandmothers, and in some cases great-grandmothers on the homefront back then. Their only real realiable form of communication were the letters written and while some of the most wonderful and poetic love letters came from that time, letters are a poor substitute to hearing your loved one's voice. They would often go months at a time without hearing a single thing and yet these brave and courageous women carried through their days with elegance and grace. I think of the many things around the house that broke or caused me stress the last time he was gone and how I handled them and I wonder if my WWII counterpart would have fallen apart the way I did when our water heater broke and flooded our downstairs or when the dog literally put his head through the window shattering it.
These women went to work, raised their children, and braved through their day to support the men that they loved in the war effort and they did it with very little communication and in a time where the survival rate was a fraction of what it is in today's conflicts and the statistics of your spouse coming home again were generally not on your side. I have a hard time when a week goes by and I havn't heard from him. People tell me that I'm so strong and resilient and brave and they don't know if they would be able to do it, when to be honest, I don't know quite how I do it. I tell people that oddly enough you really do get used to it but I wonder if we really do, and if they did back then. My husband's unit is on permenant rotation because of what they do so I know that I will likely be seeing him off many more times before either this conflict is over or he retires (8 years, not that I'm counting). How would they have handled that?
So what has changed? Are we too used to and reliant on, the instant communication and the technology? Does each death hit us harder because there are fewer of them? How has the homefront changed and how has it stayed the same?
Again, I do not want this to become a political argument and if it even so much as approaches that I hope the bartenders step in immediately. My observations here are from the homefront, from the point of view of those of us left behind to wait, worry, hope and pray. I'm not saying that things weren't hard for them, and I'm positive that they had their moments when they fell apart at the seams. Yet, they held themselves with such grace, care, and style with a strength that I am constantly trying to find ways to tap into.

Nashoba

PS. I apologize for the length of this, it was threatening to make me ill if i didn't get it all out of my head at once. I appreciate your patience

 

[deanglen]

I will pray for you and your husband to be protected, provided for and kept strong, Nashoba. Peace be with both of you.

dean

 

[Nashoba]

I appreciate that more than you know
Nash

 

[Mr Nick]

I also will pray

You, your husband, both of your families as well as your husband's comrades will be in my prayers. If you have specific issues you would like to be lifted up in prayer, please don't hesitate to let me know. May you feel the Presence of the God of Peace even as you read these words!

 

[Harp]

Prayer

This vet's prayers for your husband and yourself.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

Separation from a spouse is always hard. I'm currently going through this (wife had to return to England to work; enforced 6 month separation until i can get out of here). It will be much harder knowing that your man is in constant danger.

Now, on to the meatier part of your post. I think that families today have it just as hard as families from the other generations, and that they come through these things in much the same manner. Humans are humans; our basic instincts and ways of dealing with issues have not changed. All will be fine.

bk

 

[Hondo]

Not being a religious man (I have my own reasons) there still is a higher power and I offer my thoughts, best wishes, and regards for a safe return of your husband and all the troops every where. It’s a tough stressful time; hang in there the best you can, keep busy. We’ll support them 100 percent.
Stay strong.

 

[Johnnysan]

Nash,

The thoughts and prayers of my family will be with yours. Again, thank you both for the tremendous personal sacrifices that you are making in service to our country. May you continue to find strength in your love for one another.

John

 

[Nashoba]

I greatly appreciate the outpouring of love and support. It's part of why I love the lounge so much, the people here just shine. Believe me I will come back and read these again when I have bad days. But what of my questions?
Baron, I hope that you will be with your wife soon. I think that you are right, but I think that in some ways it may actually be harder on the homefront today. We have a media that constantly feeds us with information that usually is negative. Everytime someone trips we hear about it. I think I almost prefer the news reels from WWII. I realize it was propaganda but at least it was positive. It helped to keep spirits up. I'm not even allowed (I use that term loosly) to watch the news anymore because I nearly had a nervous breakdown when I watched the beginning of the war on tv. It was too much for me to process. I think that this alone has vastly changed the homefront in that we do not hear of the good and wonderful things that our servicemen and women are doing, and so we maybe start to lose hope a little. It seems to me that they had a great deal more of the positive to keep them going than we have today in our instant and often negative media driven society

 

[MK]

.

Thank you for your family's sacrifice and service. I really appreciate the way you have expressed yourself. We won't let this thread get hijacked.

I will pray for protection for your husband and peace and support for you.

 

[NewMexExpat]

You both shame and inspire

(shame at comparing our attitudes and "sacrifice" with your own)

Nashoba, you are amazing. What a strength it must be to your husband to know the depth of your support for him and his profession. From all you’ve said, I can’t help but believe that you are an example and a support (a rock!) to other military wives and families around you suffering similar difficulties of deployment.


Obviously, your admiration for those who lived through such difficulties in earlier wars bring’s Brokaw’s The Greatest Generation and it’s sequels to mind. One of the messages of those books was that courage, fortitude and sacrifice (similar to your own) were not uncommon during that crisis. The war and its effects touched everyone, with relatives in uniform or not. It was a national effort that affected everyone’s emotion, convenience and pocketbook. Today, many if not most people at least know someone who has been deployed, perhaps even wounded or killed. But it is easy for us to be oblivious to the war if our families are not in the military or working in dangerous areas.

Sixty years ago, even in the United States, life was probably lived with more of an expectation of hard work and slow reward, as well as support for and reliance upon others. Society and technology had not “programmed” instant gratification and isolated-self-centeredness (and cynicism?) into people to the degree we have today. (Complaints about slow internet connections, poor cell phone service, or any problem of convenience should be dust in our mouths.) Likewise, many of that generation had lived through very hard times in their younger lives.

Your point is well taken about the convenience and comfort that modern communication and technology can bring. They can certainly help ease the burden of those worrying for loved ones in harm's way. I think they have brought some problems as well. Troops can be walking the streets of their home town within hours of patrolling a war zone. Today they are walking through Baghdad or Afghanistan not knowing whether they are in a sniper’s crosshairs, whether the kid holding his hand out to them for candy is strapped to explosives; day after tomorrow they may go to sleep in their own home with their families. I think in the last couple years the Pentagon has instituted some changes to help alleviate that kind of culture shock, but it must still cause great adjustment difficulties. And in WWII, weren’t many troops overseas “for the duration”, with very few going back after having spent any R & R in the states? I think I saw that the Pentagon’s goal is rotations of one year deployments separated by two-years at home. And they realize that right now they are far from that, with troops returning home for weeks or months, to rotate back for another one to two years. What a psychological toll that must take!

So, we can only hope that you and others like you are not just the greatest of your generation, but examples that will lead another great generation. Here are prayers for a safe reunion for you and your husband, and a time when such dedication can be put to other uses.

With respect and admiration,

- Mark

 

[Hemingway Jones]

It is an immense sacrifice that you and your husband are offering this grateful nation. This country is universally supportive of the courage, efforts, and sacrifices of the military and their families.

I am personally affected by your great eloquence on how this has touched your life and the life of your husband. I won't soon forget what you have written. I can only wish that the benefits of technology may assuage some of the pain of separation you both have, and I will pray for his safe return and for comfort for you in the interim.

There must be a special sense of pride gleaned from your service through this difficult time. And on that day when heroes are named and the history books are written, I am sure that you both will have a profound sense of satisfaction from knowing that you directly participated and have given so much in the defining event of a generation.

Until then, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

After a fine post like Hem's, everything that follows can be but a footnote. Here's mine.



Bless your husband and the women and men he serves with.

May God protect his body, mind and heart.

May God lead him to Iraqis (and others) who appreciate the common humanity between him and them.

May God protect him from those Iraqis (and others) who are blinded by anger, misery, and theology-as-war.

May he and his comrades be properly protected, sheltered, fed, rested, nursed, and comforted when in need.

May he and his comrades have have more good days than bad ones.

May he and his comrades leave Iraq sooner than later, and may they never have to return there in uniform. Amen.



.

 

[Nashoba]

Y'all this one's going to be a bit lengthy too, there are several things that I would like to address and open for further discussion, so please bear with me....

1st NewMexExPat:

"Nashoba, you are amazing. What a strength it must be to your husband to know the depth of your support for him and his profession. From all you’ve said, I can’t help but believe that you are an example and a support (a rock!) to other military wives and families around you suffering similar difficulties of deployment."

I thank you but I must say I am neither amazing nor extraordinary. I am only one of thousands of Military wives (and husbands) who do their best to wade through the barrage of media and complete strangers who tell us how we are supposed to feel and think about what our husband's (and wives) do. If I am and example I don't mean to be and if I am a support it is because I must be. I am very likely about to assume the role of the Key Volunteer Network Coordinator for our unit. The KVN is the family support network and I was asked this last weekend if I would be willing to step into that role and build our unit's kvn from scratch. I've done this before as the assistant to the KVC, but this position terrifies me. We have Marines deploying literally every six months, and keeping volunteers who are willing to be involved once their marine comes home is next to impossible. I have to say that this position terrifies me because I know from experience that I will be responsible for assuring anywhere from 15-50 marines at a time that I know of their family's needs and that I'm keeping an eye on them so that they can complete their mission without being constantly worried about what is going on at home. Add the fact that most people distrust and dislike the KVN and it is labeled as a rumor mill and I have my hands full. It helps because we lean on each other, but in all reality I spent more time last time listening to people cry and holding them up than I spent being upheld if that makes sense.

"The war and its effects touched everyone, with relatives in uniform or not. It was a national effort that affected everyone’s emotion, convenience and pocketbook. But it is easy for us to be oblivious to the war if our families are not in the military or working in dangerous areas."

I know I'm cutting and pasting there but it goes to make my point a little better call it a bit of spin lol I think that this is part of what's driving my attempt to divulge deeper into the spouses of the past. In WWII the nation was asked to sacrifice, contribute, and support. The first time I sent my husband to war, we as a nation were told to go shopping. It is easy to be oblivious because we can ignore it. It does not affect our daily lives, we don't have to watch the news. There is incredible support out there for our military and God bless everyone who's ever written a letter or sent a package to a servicemember, but where is the sacrifice of the average citizen? We as a nation have practically been told to carry on with our daily lives as though we do not have men and women in harm's way. That does more to hurt those of us who are "on the homefront" more than I can describe. I cannot begin to describe what I feel when people say to me I support your husband and the troops then go on a tirade about how they feel politically about the war and that all the troops should come home. To me, the defeats the purpose of you having told me that you support us. Do I want my husband home? Yes. Do I support the president that is sending my husband to war? Not all the time, but my husband has been on the ground, he's talked to the people, and most of them are literally just trying to live to the end of the day. They hated their former leader and they are grateful for the safety and reletive security that the Marines in the area provide. They've rebuilt water mains, schools have reopened and hospitals are up and running. Why don't we hear about these things? We heard about them in WWII. We were told of the good our troops were doing. That isn't to say that atrocities didn't occur, of course they did. They happen in all wars, but we knew that there was good being done and that's what helped carry people through...What positive news will I receive giving me hope that my husband has made a difference in someone's life? Very little.

Hard Work

You are absolutely right. My husband comes from a very long line of military men going back literally to before the Civil War. His father, grandfather great-grandfather..all served in Vietnam, WWII, and WWI respectivly. This affords us a bit of insight especially with his grandfather who is gracious enough to regale me (nonstop when we visit) with stories of his youth, and pictures though very typically he talks very little about his time in battle. This amazing man grew up in the depression, he literally built his house with his own two hands (which I might add looks like it hasn't changed since the 50's I LOVE it!) and has been a farmer his whole life. I don't think that we learn the true value of work that his generation did. Many of us are handed things and it is a shame. You may be assured that my children will not be raised this way.

PTSD / Technology / Pentagon
You are correct technology has brought great blessings for us on the homefront. It has also brought us the ability to literally watch our spouses engage in battle. I know of one spouse who actually watched her husband get shot at in the first phase of the war on CNN. At the same point she knew he was okay but I never want to see my husband come under fire. I believe that our society was a little more sheltered in WWII with the news reel films. We were spared having to watch combat being treated like the latest hollywood film with political commentary in the background. There have been numerous cases of problems stemming from PTSD. We have several marines in our unit who had a very hard time. But you are correct there are several things that the Marine Corps in particular (i'm sure all branches do it I just know how the corps does) does before marines are 'released'. My husband went through debriefings before he came home and I went through debriefings as well. But there is adjustment, and it is very straining on families for servicemembers to come home and leave again repeatedly. My husband came home in Feb of 2005....here we are october 2006 and he is going back in January, unfortunately knowing the system like I do, it's hard to avoid that. The Marine Corps does have a policy that a reservist cannot be involuntarily called up for more than 2 years out of every 6, but that doesn't count if you Volunteer. Which I assure you, plenty of Marines volunteer. I should say here that my husband is one of those Marines. He volunteered to go back.

I appreciate your sentiment, I do not strive to be great among my generation, I strive only to stand by the side of the man that I love and to support those around me who are ready to fall.
Your admiration is humbling and I assure you that I am not worthy of it.
I am grateful for the prayers of all those here. We are not the only ones who stand in of them.
Nashoba

 

[Nashoba]

Hemmingway...

Your words are much more eloquent than mine. I dread to admit that I've come close to tears reading the kind words that have been written here. It reaffirms to me that the world is not as our american media would have us believe it is.
As any of the Marines who frequent these boards (and I know there are a few of you out there) the Esprit de Corps is something that is unmatched in any of the other branches. My husband and I were talking about this last night. I jokingly told him not to be a hero out there and he quietly responded that nobody who becomes a hero means to do so. My husband is a senior staff nco, he has responsibility for over 40 marines and I KNOW he would put himself in front of any one of them if they were in harm. On the homefront we are the same way. I have driven 3 hours to a hospital to see a wife who had just given birth, not because it was my job, but because we are sisters in the same way that our husbands are brothers. I can only imagine that women were the same way in WWII. I wonder at the things that they faced day to day.
The pride that they feel is that esprit de corps. It is the knowledge that should they fall they will live forever in the Corps. As long as there is a US Marine Corps the fallen are remembered and revered. I only hope that when history looks back on this, they put the politics aside and recognize the individual acts of the heros you speak of. The men and women who put themselves between the fire and their fellow marines.
Hemmingway your eloquence has touched me and I will tell you that Daisy is very lucky to have one such as yourself a few steps down the hall.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Amen to that. :eusa_clap

.

 

[Nashoba]

After a fine post like Hem's, everything that follows can be but a footnote. Here's mine.

Bless your husband and the women and men he serves with.

May God protect his body, mind and heart.

May God lead him to Iraqis (and others) who appreciate the common humanity between him and them.

May God protect him from those Iraqis (and others) who are blinded by anger, misery, and theology-as-war.

May he and his comrades be properly protected, sheltered, fed, rested, nursed, and comforted when in need.

May he and his comrades have have more good days than bad ones.

May he and his comrades leave Iraq sooner than later, and may they never have to return there in uniform. Amen.



.

Oh but what a beautiful footnote That is a truly sweet prayer. Unfortunately if they are seeing my husband in his office it means that they have paid the ultimate price of war. My husband's unit is Personnel Recovery and Processing. It's a unit new to the Corps, typically the army has taken care of that in the past. And yes, it's pretty much what it sounds like. I hope that those words come to pass, but I know that he will return at least a few more times before this is all over. They have one of the hardest jobs of all, they see the fallen home.

 

[Etienne]

Nashoba,

It is a wonderful thing that you were able to express yourself so completely. And you did so with such grace and feeling. Thank you for your insights into the personal side of this war and the people who are touched by the efforts and sacrifices of our military.

The words of comfort and prayers of fellow loungers remind us that many, many people in this country are standing solidly behind the families who give up so much that we and others may be free. I agree wholeheartedly that the mainstream media does a huge disservice to our country by continually focusing on the negative. I, for one, no longer watch it at all. I do know that there are a lot of places on the internet that give information on the incredibly wonderful things that our servicemen and women are doing, and I hope you are able to turn to those when you need to be lifted in spirit.

Add me to those who pray for the protection, safety, comfort and strength of your husband and all who serve. I pray, too, that YOU will find strength and comfort in the "extended family" of the Marines and that your new assignment wil bring joys and rewards that run deep.

Etienne

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

Each time I read a long letter or message full of deep spirit, I always know it is from the heart. I'll pray twice as much for you and your husband's journey and homecoming.

and I'm happy to know that you also found the courage to express it to us all, some things just couldn't be kept inside. I salute you and your loved ones.

 

[Nashoba]

The words of comfort and prayers of fellow loungers remind us that many, many people in this country are standing solidly behind the families who give up so much that we and others may be free. I agree wholeheartedly that the mainstream media does a huge disservice to our country by continually focusing on the negative. I, for one, no longer watch it at all. I do know that there are a lot of places on the internet that give information on the incredibly wonderful things that our servicemen and women are doing, and I hope you are able to turn to those when you need to be lifted in spirit.


Etienne

Again I thank everyone for their warmth and kindness. I've seen my husband very little this week and now I'm letting him sleep in (little does he know he has a huge errand and event filled day ahead of him lol ) and it's brought me a great deal of comfort to read and re-read all the words here. I will likely continue to read and re-read them too .
I have to wonder how many others like us Etienne have stopped watching the maindstream media. I found it interesting the other day to hear that NBC has posted huge profit losses and will be laying off a large quantity of people. I've written letters to editors, and various others expressing that they are hurting more than they are helping. I've yet to receive a response. I listen to talk radio during the day while I sew and sometimes I compare the two. It's ridiculous. I believe strongly in free speech, I believe it is one of the inalienable rights that my husband and his brothers fight so diligently for, but for news agencys who have the responsibility of and claim to be neutral and fair in their reporting to be so blatently pushing an agenda is disheartening. And I hear it's much the same and sometimes worse in the foreign media.
I've listened quite a bit to old radio programs and seen old television footage and the media has changed drastically in the past 60 years. Then again if you look at the history of yellow journalism perhaps it hasn't changed all that much after all. I think that today, though they have become reckless. There was a case early in the war where an embedded reporter with a Marine Unit was party to a firefight. In that firefight a Marine shot and killed an insurgent standing over the body of another. Both appeared to be civillians. CNN caught the whole thing on video, and immediately ran with it as that Marine having killed an innocent civillian. This caused a HUGE uproar and that marine was courtmartialed. During the trial it came out that the body that the "civilian" was standing over was wired with explosives and the "civilian" was preparing to detonate it. Needless to say that Marine was exhonerated but I guarantee you that his career will never be the same. He will always carry that stigma in his Record book and promotions will be much more difficult to obtain. Careers just don't bounce back from courts martial that easily regardless of the outcome. One reporter's irresponsible work brought aid and comfort to the enemy and left an Honorable Marine's life and career hanging in the balance. I know that there are atrocities, I know that people do horrendous things in war. But the media is so bloodthirsty to find another abu graib, or haditha that they come very close to simply making things up.
So what are our service members to do? Their rules of engagement are ridiculous, they can't tell the terrorists from the civillians and they die at the hands of an enemy to cowardess to come out and fight them face to face. I don't know of ANYTHING that irks a Marine (or a soldier for that matter) more than to face an enemy who won't come out and fight face to face. It's cowardly.
And the media stands by it all and tells us that the people hate us, we're failing miserably, and we can't and won't win. Compare that to WWII where we were told our guys are doing great, we're making wonderful progress, onward to victory! The men, women, and children left here on the homefront were left with hope, determination, and a sense that they were making a difference in their sacrifices. Not only are we not asked to sacrifice but I have to sit by and listen to my husband and his fellow marines be called murderers, that no one in this country thinks they're doing any good and that we're going to ultimately fail. And then in the same sentence they wonder why troop morale is declining. I guarantee you that has little to do with the length of deployments (although that does have an impact). They get CNN, ABC, NBC, on the Armed Forces Network. They see what the media says about them. And when you hear somethin long enough you start to believe it.
So why are we like this? Why does the media claim to support the men and women who fight then in the same sentence condemn them? What has changed from the news reels and why?
I know it was propaganda in WWII, but next to what we have today, I'd take it anytime.