Self-Conscious?

[DrQuest]

I just started wearing a hat recently, (about a month ago) a nice gray felt fedora that I wear to church. I really like it and think it looks good with a suit, but I confess that I sometimes feel a little self-conscious and conspicious wearing it. One of my buddies teases me a little and says I am finally dressing my age, and wearing an old man's hat, (I am 45) and I take it all in stride, but I sometimes wonder if maybe I do look silly in it. I don't plan to stop wearing it, because I really like it and it keeps the sun out of my eyes, and protects the little bald spot I have. Any of you gentlemen ever feel a little odd wearing a hat, or did you feel self-consious at first and eventually got over it?

 

[JeffOYB]

Sure! That's what I was posting about in my Hat Theory thread right below.

I mostly feel goofy when I wear my fedoras and straws at night (in fine weather) and when driving.

The replies were in the spirit of dandyism, so maybe it's just something to accept and get used to. Fashion does indeed have a bit of the whimsy and useless at its core or nearby. So: wear it if you like it. Follow manners along the way to get along, but smirks or embarrassment aren't always related to manners. Like, take your hat off IN the church! And don't mind the rest. It JUST MIGHT rain. : )

 

[Brian Sheridan]

One of my buddies teases me a little and says I am finally dressing my age, and wearing an old man's hat, (I am 45) and I take it all in stride...

Funny, but my wife used to do the same thing when I wear my hat (I'm 42) until pictures of Justin Timberlake, Andre 3000, and others of that ilk, popped up in here People magazine.

And after seeing everyone looking sharp in "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day," she admits that it would be fun to dress up like that today.

I don't feel self-conscious with the hat. But I work on TV, so I am used to people looking at me.

 

[Feraud]

You may feel uncomfortable because you are new to wearing hats and probably one of the few in your area who wears this styled hat. If you enjoy it you will get over that feeling.

One of my buddies teases me a little and says I am finally dressing my age, and wearing an old man's hat, (I am 45) and I take it all in stride, but I sometimes wonder if maybe I do look silly in it.

Dressing your age is not a tease or looking silly but a compliment right?

 

[PabloElFlamenco]

Dr.Quest, most welcome indeed, if I be permitted to say.
I started wearing hats in the mid-seventies and I've always been self-concious and easily uncomfortable with the sometimes unnecessarily stupid, other times perhaps complimentary remarks of "others". I guess the self-conscious thing is very much a matter of "character". In the meanwhile, I'm now 58, I still sometimes "self-conscious" (as if I were 17 lol ) about quite a few things other than merely hats.
My advise is: do not model yourself according to another person's whims.
And, btw: I wear my hats, be they Borsalino fedora or western panorama.
Greetings from Belgium
Paul

 

[flylot74]

Hmmm....... where do I start?

OK, first, I've never felt uncomfortable wearing hats because they are practical and they are also stylish. I am self-conscious when I am poorly attired (when in doubt, overdress is a good motto to live by).

Frankly I applaud you for at the young age of 45 you are at least dressing your age! I am often shocked by the number of middle aged men (I'm 58) who dress like they are twelve, i.e., jeans, t-shirt, white tennis shoes and baseball cap. After all, even Beaver Cleaver grew up!

The question I ask you is, is it possible that you may feel self-conscious because you do not present yourself like everyone else (we Americans for being one of the most wealthy nations in the world often dress like refugees from Darfur!)? Did it occur to you that you are setting higher standards and you are above the norm?

YOU like the fedora! YOU think it looks good with a suit! Therefore, I submit to you that you have chosen this to be part of your persona. Don't worry about the peanut gallery, wear it with pride.

Now, on the other hand, it could be that gray is not your color in which case I would experiment with a brown or silver belly or even dark blue fedoras. Perhaps its not the wearing of the fedora, but rather not having the proper color fedora to go with your wardrobe......

Welcome, Oh recent wearer of Fedoras! You have come to the right place!

 

[animator]

I'm fairly new to wearing a hat and felt odd about it for a few months.

I really don't want to stand out or draw attention to myself in a crowd... I just like hats and want to wear one. When I occasionally saw someone else who was wearing a hat I realized it didn't stand out if the person looked confident in what they had on... the hat was just part of their outfit. No big deal. That helped me a lot.

Now I just put it on proudly. I think my hat looks great and I'm happy it goes along with me.

 

[DrQuest]

Self-Conscious

Gentlemen,

Thank you ALL for your many helpful and informative responses. All are much appreciated.

I do plan on purchasing a brown fedora, as well as a black one. I am another one of those rare breed who long for the days when men dressed like men, not boys or street thugs. I used to think I was the only one who felt that way. I am glad I found this forum, as I now realize there are others out there who share my sentiments.

Men used to wear a suit and tie quite often, and usually with a hat, but nowadays most of them dress down and only have a baseball cap on instead. I have nothing against wearing jeans and a T-shirt or golf shirt with a ballcap, as I have been known to wear that myself. However, I think our society in many ways has become too casual, and now it's not unusual to see golf shirts and khakis worn by bankers, etc. I hope the day will come when suits and hats will make a comeback. For now, I plan to continue wearing mine. I will hopefully get used to the looks and comments.

 

[DrQuest]

I'm fairly new to wearing a hat and felt odd about it for a few months.

I really don't want to stand out or draw attention to myself in a crowd... I just like hats and want to wear one. When I occasionally saw someone else who was wearing a hat I realized it didn't stand out if the person looked confident in what they had on... the hat was just part of their outfit. No big deal. That helped me a lot.

Now I just put it on proudly. I think my hat looks great and I'm happy it goes along with me.

That makes ALOT of sense. Perhaps confidence is my problem. I am so aware of wearing it that maybe it makes me stand out more....?


Good comments!

 

[fletch31]

Yep I agree, confidence is the whole shooting match when it comes to stylized hats. As much as I would love for everyone to wear hats around here, its just not happening in rural Idaho. I think stingy brims are making a stylish comeback right now but we will have to wait and see for a full on hat return. As a hat wearer you will likely stand out because of that. Some will look at you curiously and you just gotta feel comfortable in your own skin while sporting your lid. This is how trends get started. Mousing around and ducking your head wont further the cause! People view you as you view yourself in many respects. I personally wear my hats casually and choose styles I can do that with without looking overly eccentric for my environment. Of course I could be the emperor with no clothes but dang it I'm confident about it

 

[GI Joe]

Welcome, DrQuest!

I know just how you feel. I'm pretty new to wearing nice hats, too and I'm finding if I just wear it WITH CONFIDENCE then I feel OK with it.

I like the way they look, the wife likes the way they look, and at 54, I don't much care what others think (unless they compliment me, of course!)

I hardly ever wear suits anymore but I like the look of a nice fedora or semi-western style hat with a sport coat and nice slacks or even jeans and a sport coat.

 

[jake_fink]

Social groups - a couple of friends, a workplace, an interent forum, society at large - are like amoebas; they want to absorb and assimilate and establish conformity.

Your buddy doesn't wear a hat, doesn't see people wearing hats, so he ribs you because you don't conform. On this board you will be urged to keep the hat on until it feels right - to conform.

Bottom line: If you like your hat, then wear it. If wearing a hat makes you uncomfortable, then don't wear it.

You're all grown up. Decide for yourself what you like.

 

[DrQuest]

Excellent comments, guys! And thanks for welcoming me. Glad to know there are other men out there who like wearing hats as much as I do. :eusa_clap

 

[DrQuest]

Bottom line: If you like your hat, then wear it. If wearing a hat makes you uncomfortable, then don't wear it.

You're all grown up. Decide for yourself what you like.

Score ten points for you, Jake! I love wearing the hat, therefore I will continue to wear it. I just wondered if anyone else ever felt somewhat self-conscious about it as I have, and apparently some of you have felt some degree of self-consciousness in the past but have managed to conquer it. Sunday I was wearing a sport jacket and slacks, with the fedora, and my wife actually told me I looked nice. She doesn't say that very often, so my self-confidence got a sudden boost.

I am pleased with all the responses so far, and again I am glad to be a new member to this board. I now know I am in good company.

 

[Falcon]

I too am a new member, though I've been reading this forum for quite a while. Like others have said, confidence and self-assuredness have a lot to do with how you look wearing a fedora. If others sense that you feel awkward and self-conscious about it, then they are more likely to make a negative comment about it. If you feel that it belongs on your head, others will pick that up and most likely not say anything, other than an occasional compliment. So wear it with confidence!

 

[feltfan]

I'd add two things.

First, you might try wearing a fedora with
casual clothes, too. Then it won't seem to
your friends quite so much like an "old man" style.

But should that fail, ask them which flowers they'll
prefer when you visit them in the skin cancer ward...

 

[ideaguy]

Gentlemen- welcome! and I use the term "Gentlemen" without a second thought. The fact that there is concern for how we look to the world, how we comport ourselves, and the manners to address what is right/wrong in the wearing of our hats, i.e. church, inside public places, etc.-leads me right to the path of the gentleman's door, and I'm proud to be amongst the group.

Enjoy yourselves, wear your hat proudly, and listen to what some of our members have to say about early hat-wearing; a lot to be read between the
lines.

 

[donCarlos]

I have also started wearing fedora recently. At first, I thought the people will stare at me, because it´s not a usual fashion for a 19 years old man...
Well, my girlfriend told me that she feels like going out with her grandfather and one friend compared me to an orthodox jew, but no other reactions. I was surprised that nobody looked strangely on the street, so now I feel quite self-confident and I can wear it all the time. (Except of school, where is no place to store it. And I have to take the hat off in trams and subway, since I´m much over two meters tall with my hat on )

 

[Spatterdash]

Hey, Dr. Hey Falcon, welcome. The bartenders are friendly and will gladly take orders, but it's all from the same bathtub, so don't expect much.

A lot of folks give the advice, "just do it" or "have confidence". One of my favorites is "Wear the hat, don't let it wear you."
Those are all true statements and excellent proverbs for feltmongers and hat hounds.
Sometimes, the question is how? How do you get that comfort, that confidence? This helped me. Your mileage may vary.

The fedora and it's immediate kin, the porkpie and homberg, have achieved a veneration, a respectability born of age and reliance.
They haven't really died to the modern eye, not yet, not like the bowler, the boater or the top hat. Granted, many people still love and cherish those hats, but to the public, those hats are regulated to the honored past, sharing the same shelf as medieval helms and coonskin caps.
The fedora, however, might still lurk in an attic or a closet. It may still faithfully guard the scalps of older family members. It still appears on modern characters in film and on television, not just costume history stuff. Large groups of fedoras can be found in jazz clubs and night stages.* The hat is still familiar to the eye, and not considered a antique. It may still garner Dick Tracy and Indiana Jones references from the less-traveled, but most everyone can recall real people wearing real fedoras.
Finally, remember this. People are looking at you a lot less than you think, which for many of us is a blessing.

*(I refer to a group of fedoras as a 'massacre', you know, like a group of crows is a murder? A group of porkpies = a riot,... still working on a good word for a group of hombergs, or homburgs, whichever spelling is more accurate to the purist.)

 

[RPeers]

I started wearing a fedora just weeks ago, the first couple days were awkward for me as well, but I began to realize that the looks that I was getting seemed to be more of admiration of me in my lid than appalling looks. It has gotten so that now that I have brought my hat in to get cleaned and the sweatband replaced, that I feel naked with out it (its taking a whole four days, I think I might get a new one to tide me over). The first day I went out with my probably to formal for the mall fedora, I took the time to look at what everyone else was wearing. Thank goodness I saw quite a few men sporting hats (none as nice as mine) but I gave me the feeling of belonging even when I noticed a group of eight elderly gentlemen staring at me... everyone of them was wearing a newsboy cap (all looked new), I could see in their eyes that they were thinking how they probably had one at home and wished they had wore it, instead of being another carbon copy. Now I wear my hat with pride and confidence, partly thanks to finding this site and feeling welcomed.

Ryan
25 and just started being stylish