Pairing Off -- Split from Romantic Gestures

[maintcoder]

Been there, done that!

Most people aren't going to go in full throttle and say "Hey I see you're dating with XX there, he better start walking because I'm taking over"lol Reminds me of a scene in the movie Shag, were Buzz goes up to Carson and talks to her, she shows her engagement ring and says; "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged" and Buzz replies; "I'm sorry you're engaged too". lol :eusa_clap Reminds me of something I once said.

That reminds me of something I once said as well. While in college, my best friend stopped by our regular hangout with a beautiful young lady one day and proceeded to introduce her to everyone - skipping me completely. Naturally, I let this slight go by in the social scene, but when I caught up with him, I asked him why he did that. His reply was 'Don't worry, she's engaged so you can't have her.' Without hesitation, I retorted 'No one is engaged until she has met me!' (Yes, I was that full of myself!). Well, the next day, she walks in to the hangout and proceeds directly to me and confronts me on what I told my friend. After she lambasts me, I reach out my hand and say quite suavely 'Hi Beth, nice to meet you finally'. She was so taken aback that we bacame fast friends and dated for a while as her engagement was on the rocks. Needless to say, my friend was not very happy...

 

[Lincsong]

Way to go Maintcoder

You handled it perfectly.:eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[carebear]

I always liked the classic, 'Drop the zero, get with the hero." lol


"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Um, I have a boyfriend."

"Well, he'll have to buy his own drink."

 

[Lincsong]

Exactly.:eusa_clap And if she wants to stay with her unemployed, or underemployed boyfriend, who doesn't have a car and she has to drive him every where and who cheats on her with other women, then move on to another girl.lol

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

You dated your BEST FRIEND'S FIANCEE?!!! While they were still together??? Some friend!

 

[maintcoder]

You dated your BEST FRIEND'S FIANCEE?!!! While they were still together??? Some friend!

I believe you misunderstood the story. My friend was not engaged to her, but he did like her. He wasn't happy that I ended up dating her because I had the gumption to make an impression. Her fiancee was actually in college out of state...

 

[Matt Deckard]

Aside from going out with him... is there anything keeping you from going out with me?

The answer has usually been no.

Now is it my being a cad or is it her being unhappy that makes her say no?


I don't know if I am ready for the committed situation. If I am interested I make a declaration though I don't flirt about much if I'm not into the available stock. I have been hit on though and at times I bite, though I never engage in a relationship when I already have one going.

The true questions are what defines a relationship outside marriage and what are the rules that you have in your head about those relationships.

I can bounce about if I don't declare myself attached, though heartstrings do get pulled by those who feel I am in their hearts.

I was in a deep relationship and the trust and honesty flowed like Water through the Marianas Trench. We were boyfriend and girlfriend and I was close to getting married though I knew down in the heart that it wouldn't work. We mutually broke up though still know eachother very well and advise. I think my heart is still with her. She understood me, she is the only girl that has and she could make me laugh. If she cheated on me or I on her Destruction of the soul could have occured because a flaw to that bond of trust would be a flaw to the universe as known to me. We were close enough to be married though were not. Marriage was of course a deeper step and not making that commitment always gave us the out. Had we gotten married I think a mistake would have been the response in our heads as we were truly on different paths.

A purpose for this thread was mentioned. Well I think you guys and gals need to lay out levels of relationships.

I date. When I date I am not betrothed.
I can date the same woman often and my intentions are declared
I have gone out with women who later showed their intentions and they were not telegraphed and I was surprised... I hang out with alot of ladies and I'd rather be the cad about town than the jerk that didn't notice, so ladies be honest to me and I'll be honest to you.

You date enough and ladies often become attached. It's not easy for me to become attached. It takes one who can really deal with my self centerdness and my ups and downs and, well same thing you probably hear time and again from any man who's no committal.

When I am a girls boyfriend I declare so. To me it's a decision to be monogomist. When I am engaged and married it is the same. I believe in marriage. I will only get married when I decide "this is it, she's the one".

When I am dating and not with a boyfriend title I am a cad.

This is my line from my Myspace page.

Two people look at eachother and they see something deep down inside. Is it biology, or something more? They know... I don't. I've looked deep into many, I look away when they try to look deep into me. I don't think I have found one who really wants to delve into me...

In the end I am still searching for one who see's me and accepts me, and if I find one and commit... I commit, so I take my time and don't jump the gun when I make my decisions.

 

[carebear]

When love's on the line, you have to take the risk...

Don't you worry bout what you've been told
Cause honey I ain't even close to cold
It's kinda soon to fall in love again
But sometimes the best that you can do is just jump back in

I got me a fearless heart
Strong enough to get you through the scary part
It's been broken many times before
A fearless heart just comes back for more

Folks'll tell you that I'm just no good
But I wouldn't hurt you honey if I could
I can't promise this'll work out right
But it would kill me darlin' if we didn't even try

I got me a fearless heart
Strong enough to get you through the scary part
It's been broken many times before
A fearless heart just comes back for more

I admit I fall in love a lot
But I nearly always give it my best shot
I know you must think I'm the reckless kind
But I want a lady with a fearless heart just like mine

I got me a fearless heart
Strong enough to get you through the scary part
It's been broken many times before
A fearless heart just comes back for more

- Steve Earle

Baby it's a cold hard world out there
Broken hearted people everywhere
Taking whatever love they get
I don't wanna wind up like that, so

Baby throw your arms around my neck
Lay your pretty head against my chest
Listen to one heartbeat then the next
Cos baby I don't want to lose you yet

You know I love you
And I know you love me
It's everything that love's supposed to be
I don't wanna look up one day
And find out I let it slip away, so

Baby throw your arms around my neck
Lay your pretty head against my chest
Listen to one heartbeat then the next
Cos baby I don't want to lose you yet

I can't tell you nothin' bout love I guess
that you don't already know
But girl when you're in my arms like this
I don't ever want to let you go, so

Baby I might be wrong but what if I'm right
And everything's depending on us tonight
Maybe we'll pass this way again
But honey I don't want to wait till then, so

Baby throw your arms around my neck
Lay your pretty head against my chest
Listen to one heartbeat then the next
Cos baby I don't want to lose you yet

- also, Steve Earle

 

["Doc" Devereux]

Never thought I'd see Steve Earle quoted around here, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing in my book.

 

[carebear]

[QUOTE="Doc" Devereux]Never thought I'd see Steve Earle quoted around here, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing in my book.[/QUOTE]

I may be a libertarian but some of those socialist boys can write them some tunes.

I'm a big fan of Americana, alt country and folk rock.

 

[Lady Day]

It is an action entirely without honour, even if it is ecologically sound, to try and take another's girl/boyfriend, husband/wife/partner. You wait and watch and if they become single you make your move. However, if, from inside their relationship, they nod in your direction, then I think it is reasonable to endeavour to find out how they feel.

Well...

I kinda did, or was in the process of doing just that. I worked with this fella and we had mad chemistry. He was doing all the guy things, touching, greeting me first when he came into work, always looking over at me during the day, etc. In all our chats, only once did he mention his GF and only in a passing sentence. I talked to one of my girlfriends and she offered her sound advice:

"Dude, he is so into you."

Yeah. So I tested the waters, and if I had pushed, I prolly could have done something. But then I got to thinking, who is the GF? Is she a nice person? She came into the work, and she was a sweetie, and he was startled to see us together. Thats when I knew. Our innocent intending friendship had created something unexpected, but I didnt believe it was, or wasnt willing to hurt a nice person just to test the waters, so I stopped. It was a bummer, cause I liked the fella a lot. He was nice, and sweet, but I didnt want to 'win' him on the basis of something like that.

So I guess the moral is, if you do persue someone in a relationship, braking up or no, make find out about the person other than yourself who may get hurt in the crossfire. They got there first, and if it is something that is meant to be, then the one you are going after will hopefully go after you, if you are free, once they are.

LD

 

[Hondo]

Well...

I kinda did, or was in the process of doing just that. I worked with this fella and we had mad chemistry. He was doing all the guy things, touching, greeting me first when he came into work, always looking over at me during the day, etc. In all our chats, only once did he mention his GF and only in a passing sentence. I talked to one of my girlfriends and she offered her sound advice:

"Dude, he is so into you."

Yeah. So I tested the waters, and if I had pushed, I prolly could have done something. But then I got to thinking, who is the GF? Is she a nice person? She came into the work, and she was a sweetie, and he was startled to see us together. Thats when I knew. Our innocent intending friendship had created something unexpected, but I didnt believe it was, or wasnt willing to hurt a nice person just to test the waters, so I stopped. It was a bummer, cause I liked the fella a lot. He was nice, and sweet, but I didnt want to 'win' him on the basis of something like that.

So I guess the moral is, if you do persue someone in a relationship, braking up or no, make find out about the person other than yourself who may get hurt in the crossfire. They got there first, and if it is something that is meant to be, then the one you are going after will hopefully go after you, if you are free, once they are.

LD

*As you can tell Im not much of a writer, updated this thread.

Thank You, I feel or understand you, youre so right, correct in every point, I just wish I could have written a reply like yours. No one likes to be deceived, innocent or not with stating true intentions.
In my situation I still have feelings for her, but have moved on, and declining any invites in the future, if I heard the magic words, that’s different. For now I’ll take my marbles and play else where, who was it Shakespeare? that said “To thy own self be true”

 

[Paisley]

I always liked the classic, 'Drop the zero, get with the hero." lol

Why wait for the hero? Just drop the zero. It's not for nothing that one of my favorite songs is "Hit the Road, Jack."

 

[Lauren]

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap
Seriously!

 

[Paisley]

Beware the Advice you Take

I don't know why I didn't think of this until now, but a coworker told me how he got his wife. She was dating someone he knew, and they all lived in the same building. He gave her boyfriend advice such as "Show her who's boss!" and other gems. The boyfriend followed the advice and quickly got the heave-ho, whereupon my coworker was free to make his move.

 

[maintcoder]

Very true...

I don't know why I didn't think of this until now, but a coworker told me how he got his wife. She was dating someone he knew, and they all lived in the same building. He gave her boyfriend advice such as "Show her who's boss!" and other gems. The boyfriend followed the advice and quickly got the heave-ho, whereupon my coworker was free to make his move.

I would say an unscrupulous friend or confidant could inject enough turmoil into a relationship to increase their chances, especially if he/she is there to comfort and console the object of their desire when things go awry...

 

[Lady Day]

Why wait for the hero? Just drop the zero. It's not for nothing that one of my favorite songs is "Hit the Road, Jack."

Im partial to the ditty, 'You dont Own Me'

LD

 

[Roger]

or;
sittin' in a bar
waiting for you.

Somethin' tells me I'm a fool to let you treat me so cruel.

 

[Matt Deckard]

People need to get a little messy nowadays. People are too afraid to take the shot and worry about playing their cards right. You need to draw the lines and declare where you stand. We don't live forever and being really afraid someone doesn't love you or that how they feel about you is flimsy is a path to keep you afraid for too long, you wait too long. You don't have 50 years to think about someone. So just ask and get shot down.

Too many times people stick together too long expecting the other to change... seeing that something will not work is a step to growing and releases you from the time waste that would let you find the better fit. Unless of course your path isn't leading to marriage, then of course if you have two with the same mentality great.

Psychological tactics to undermine your adversary such as telling him to tell her who's boss have worked and will always work, though unless I think the two belong together I will never try them to capture my prey. My problem is that I prefer to be brutally honest and She'll know that I am interested and probably using such tactics. And if she knows and accepts this all the better. I don't work in shadows when it comes to love... other things yes, though an emotion such as love is not something I want tainted with deception.

I myself have been decieved by people clouded by emotions... Deception is still deception and unvoiced yearnings and secret meetings take away from the reliability of the individuals involved.

Make sense?

 

[Paisley]

That's very true. For a long time, I had a huge crush on somebody who was already in a relationship. They weren't just dating, but had long since done everything but get married. A breakup wouldn't have been as simple as saying "I think we should see other people." I didn't want to get involved with anyone in that situation. I figured if he'd cheat on her, he'd cheat on me, too.

Still, I kept hoping they'd find their own deal breaker. I kept up my acquaintanceship with him. But after they announced their engagement, I stopped lying in wait.

And now he's a free man. :arated:

Where's the dancing in the street emoticon?