On Gentlemen

[John in Covina]

On Gentlemen:

I often get comments when I hold doors for woman.

They say "you don't need to hold the door just because I am a woman".

I of course say:

"I am not holding it because you are a woman,
I am holding it because I am a gentleman."

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Nice response.

If a gentleman holds the door for me I say "thank you."

I was once told "you don't need to be so formal." I replied that I called them manners.

 

[Senator Jack]

Thanks for that response. I have to admit, I'm going to steal it.

The fact is, unless the woman is elderly I no longer go out of my way to hold doors or give up subway seats. I've been chastised, berated, made to look a fool, all for simply having manners. Too many times had I got 'I'll get it myself' or a snotty 'No, I think I can stand.' And, of course, that's all everyone else on the subway hears, so they all look at you like you've done something wrong. (and when you're wearing a 1940s suit and fedora it seems to make it worse)

Regards,

Senator Jack

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Thanks for that response. I have to admit, I'm going to steal it.

The fact is, unless the woman is elderly I no longer go out of my way to hold doors or give up subway seats. I've been chastised, berated, made to look a fool, all for simply having manners. Too many times had I got 'I'll get it myself' or a snotty 'No, I think I can stand.' And, of course, that's all everyone else on the subway hears, so they all look at you like you've done something wrong. (and when you're wearing a 1940s suit and fedora it seems to make it worse)

Regards,

Senator Jack

Oh, I wish you would not give it up. When I hold the door for someone and they do not say "thank you," I smile and say "you're welcome" and know that I held the door because *I* would feel wrong if I did not. It's important that we have people like you being polite! As for people looking at you funny, screw them. If someone thinks it odd that you were being thoughtful, that speaks volumes about them. I hope you don't change who you are in response to vulgar people. I like it when I stand out, even if chastised. I'm used to it though, being a Yankees fan in New England.

 

[MK]

!

On Gentlemen:

I often get comments when I hold doors for woman.

They say "you don't need to hold the door just because I am a woman".

I of course say:

"I am not holding it because you are a woman,
I am holding it because I am a gentleman."

Brilliant!

 

[Gray Ghost]

I agree with PrettySquareGal, don't give up being who you are. Keep up the fight. All of us Gentleman and Fair Ladies need to keep doing what we have been doing, even if people think we are out dated. Sometimes it just takes one of us to make a change.

GG

 

[HaraldTheSwede]

I've only gotten positive comments for holding doors for other people. Never once has someone told me I needn't do that. And I've dated a feminist.

I remember being 13 and my English teacher asking me to accompany her to grab some equipment. When I opened the door and waited for her to pass through she was extremely pleased and told me this gentlemen's act will prove successful when I start dating. That was 12 years ago. Given my dating success rate since then I should probably start dating middle-aged women...

 

[Baron Kurtz]

I hold the door for anyone who's relatively close behind me, or who's coming the other way through a door i wish to use. The typical response from female college students around here is a stunned thank you and a smile. And from the males? Something grumbled, possibly a thank you. It's such a rare occurence that they don't know what to do about it (males and females).

Unfortunately if you hold doors for people at bars around here they think that a) you're hitting on them (female) - even if you wife happens to be right next to you, or b) you're too formal and clearly gay (male). You have no idea how often i get accused of being gay (the level of abuse in this town is distressingly unoriginal). It's quite useful being British: when someone calls you a fag you can with a straight face reply "Cigarette? yes, thank you" and then wait for them to provide a cigarette.

bk

 

[Quigley Brown]

I consider myself to be a gentleman when holding doors, but really don't get any of those 'stunned' looks from women when I do....just a polite 'thank you.' I do get a little ruffled, though, when I open it for several ladies and they just walk on through not saying a thing and not even giving me any eye contact. I have said 'you're welcome' rather tersely after such an incident.

 

[scotrace]

Just for the sake of it

"Thank you" is seldom heard here. I have no idea why, but I feel differently about it based on the person's age. If I hold a door for an older woman (who should know better) and she does not at least nod on the way by... maybe she is old-school enough to expect and be used to it. I try and shrug it off. "I've done my part, anyway." I think it's ill-bred to make a gentlemanly gesture such as holding a door and expecting it to get noticed. It's just what we do... maybe. Not sure. An affirmation of my effort is appreciated.
But if a young woman or teen blows through without so much as a 'by your leave,' that really bends my edges.
When I'm old, I intend taking advantage of every consideration. And pinching the nurses.
I'm curious how far our male members are prepared to go. Do you jump out of the car to go 'round and open her door (passing in front of the vehicle)? Do you rise when a lady or elderly gentleman enters the room? Offer a hand or elbow when she is passing rough terrain or descening a steep stair?

 

[Quigley Brown]

...or throw you coat over a mud puddle just before she steps in it.

One thing I've never done...maybe just not the opportunity...on a chilly walk with a date to offer and place my suit coat over her shoulders. Do you think that would be appear overly gentlemanly?

 

[PrettySquareGal]

...or throw you coat over a mud puddle just before she steps in it.

One thing I've never done...maybe just not the opportunity...on a chilly walk with a date to offer and place my suit coat over her shoulders. Do you think that would be appear overly gentlemanly?

NO it wouldnt be overly gentlemanly. or maybe it is in this day and age, but I don't think people of good manners should use that as their yardstick. I think if your date found it to be over the top, I guess that would be somthing to take note.

 

[scotrace]

...on a chilly walk with a date to offer and place my suit coat over her shoulders. Do you think that would be appear overly gentlemanly?

I've done that often. With dates, relatives, aquaintences. It's one of those small bits of chivalry that's worth doing no matter the reaction.
The gesture has never been refused.

 

[Briscoeteque]

...or throw you coat over a mud puddle just before she steps in it.

One thing I've never done...maybe just not the opportunity...on a chilly walk with a date to offer and place my suit coat over her shoulders. Do you think that would be appear overly gentlemanly?

I go to school in Maine, and one time while going on a liquor run I gave the girl with the fake whose services I was using my overcoat, as it was three below and she was wearing a blazer, and the car was across campus. This combined with offering to clean a rug after I tripped over a beer in her room, and now her and her roommate think I'm certifiable. But that's okay, I'm going to continue to watch House in my smoking jacket and fez and ramble about Packards when spifflicated.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I go to school in Maine, and one time while going on a liquor run I gave the girl with the fake whose services I was using my overcoat, as it was three below and she was wearing a blazer, and the car was across campus. This combined with offering to clean a rug after I tripped over a beer in her room, and now her and her roommate think I'm certifiable. But that's okay, I'm going to continue to watch House in my smoking jacket and fez and ramble about Packards when spifflicated.

I went to college in Maine, and found the Maine men to be most courteous. It was the out-of-staters (which I was, being from NYC) who were least chivalrous.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

I go to school in Maine, and one time while going on a liquor run I gave the girl with the fake whose services I was using my overcoat, as it was three below and she was wearing a blazer, and the car was across campus.

Fake what? What services?

bk

 

[Slate Shannon]

I regularly hold doors open for ladies of all ages, and pretty much every time I'll get a "thank you" or "thanks" or at the very least, a quick smile. And I've even had ladies hold doors open for me. Never in my life have I had someone get offended or defensive for doing so.
It's also very common that when a man goes through a self-closing door before another man, he holds it open till the other guy has a chance to grab it, instead of letting it close in his face.

 

[Briscoeteque]

Fake what? What services?

bk

Fake ID, and the service of using it to get my Canadian Whisky and sweet vermouth, nothing more, but she is my ballroom dance partner also. PrettySquareGal, what school did you go to in Maine? Bates, B, or C maybe?

 

[PrettySquareGal]

PrettySquareGal, what school did you go to in Maine? Bates, B, or C maybe?

Nope, none of those three. My first year I went to Bennington College in VT, and grew weary of small private schools having gone to a small prep school in NYC (I was always the scholarship kid). Having never been to Maine, I announced to my family that I shall be transferring to U Maine. So glad I did.

 

[Barry]

I go to school in Maine, and one time while going on a liquor run I gave the girl with the fake whose services I was using my overcoat, as it was three below and she was wearing a blazer, and the car was across campus.

This brought back a bad memory that I can now laugh about.

I remember one unusually cold fall Wednesday night after 6th grade hebrew school I was standing outside the synagouge along with some other students and a girl kept glaring at me. I finally asked her what she wanted and she screamed at me that if I were any type of gentleman I would have given her my tiny harrington jacket so she could stay warm. She had no jacket of any sort - infact, I think she was in short sleeves of all things. I then offered her the jacket which she accepted. She continued to roll her eyes and glare at me. Her mother pulled up and instead of handing the recently cleaned jacket to me she threw it on a pile of dirt in the grass. Seconds later, when I walked over to retreive my now filthy jacket, her car pulled away and up pulled my mom. Of course, my mother didn't see the whole exchange she just saw that I didn't have my jacket on and she became very, very upset when she saw that it was a mess.

:rage: [bad] [bad] [bad]