I need some advice...

[Jovan]

I have to move out in September. Pretty much because the mother is sick of me. (Though she didn't put it that way, I can pretty much sense it. We've grown apart horribly in the past few years.)

So, I have two options:
1. Move in with someone I don't really know or trust all that well. I would move in with Brian (best friend), but he's not moving out for quite a while. I do not know anyone else very well who has a room available or I'd trust to pay their share of the rent.
2. Ask Mark (former stepfather, now basically a good friend after the divorce) to move in with him. He owns his own house -- I'm familiar with it having lived there for six years of my life. I plan on offering to pay my share of the utilities, which will hopefully go over well. My room is still there, currently as a "guest bedroom" since he doesn't actually have that many guests around.

What do you think?

 

[Dan G]

If you get along well with your former stepfather, go for it. If that upsets your mother, that sucks, but what can you do?[huh]

 

[LolitaHaze]

Move out on your own... it's the happiest you'll ever be.

 

[Jovan]

They get along. My only concern is she may try to talk him out of it. But yeah, hopefully it would go over well. I've known him for 11 years now. He's the father I never had.

 

[Samsa]

If it were me, I would move in with the step-father. I have heard too many horror stories about going "blind" into a roommate situation.

That being said, I'm still living with my parents, so I have not the wisdom and experience you were perhaps seeking.

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

You're too old to be living with your parents. Assuming you have a job and can pay rent reliably, go on craigslist or roommates.com and find someone who already has a place that is looking for a roommate. That way, they'll have to come to you for rent (rather than you chasing them). You'll get a feel for it. This system has been in place for YEARS! It tends to work.

 

[Jovan]

Okay, I should clarify for everyone that I do NOT want judgment. Just advice.

I should also clarify that I'm in college right now.

 

[Dan G]

Its good that they get along. Really I don't see the logic in trying to find your 'own' place if you can get by paying probably cheaper rent, and already knowing and trusting him.
You could always join the Navy.... Come on now, I have to give a pitch at least once a week.

 

[panamag8or]

Hmm.. why is your mom tiring of you? Is it because you keep your own hours and such? Sounds like you need a roommate that keeps the same hours.

Your stepdad is living on his own, and probably likes it; yet another reason for you to get a regular roommate.

I have a set opinion about kids staying at home too long, but I will not go on a rant. I will say that UF has a great in-house roommate finder system, or at least they did at one time. Don't go to one of those roommate hunter places, they are just a rip-off. UF will pair you with someone that has a proven record of paying their bills, and has similar study habits, etc. Check with the housing office at Beatty, they can get you started.

If you were a freshman, I would say to get in the dorms, but you are past that. All freshman should live in the dorms for a year, that is where they meet their college friends.

 

[Jovan]

Heh. I could never bring myself to join any armed forces. But... thanks?

I'm not at UF, currently at Santa Fe Community College. Mark already has a roommate of sorts, too.

 

[Dan G]

Oh well, it was worth a shot...lol

 

[panamag8or]

Oh well, it was worth a shot...lol

Your local recruiting office would be proud.lol

 

[Dan G]

You betcha! 3 enlistees and I get a paygrade! lol
Sorry for taking it offtopic...

 

[panamag8or]

Heh. I could never bring myself to join any armed forces. But... thanks?

I'm not at UF, currently at Santa Fe Community College. Mark already has a roommate of sorts, too.

Santa flush? I didn't know that. In that case, Miss Bella has a good point.

 

[Joie DeVive]

While many have done it, it is not the easiest route to have to work and pay for an apartment and tuition while going to school. I would recommend not going that route if you don't have to.

I have very little information on your family situation and such, but if all possible, I recommend honesty with all parties involved. Might it work to sit down with Mom and ex-Step-Dad and discuss what's going on? If you are afraid Mom would try to stop the arrangement, maybe just be honest with Mark and tell him that you think your Mom may try to interfere.

I went the dorm route, myself, but that isn't cheap. Thankfully, my folks covered that for me while I paid all books, tuition and other expenses. I knew people who had to work full time to cover housing and schooling, and frankly, they couldn't focus on school like I could.
I don't know how common it is now, but my father was away from home for school and needed cheap lodging. He went for "renting a room". So, less like a roomate, and more like a tenant. Still has some creep factor, but back in the day it was a more affordable option.

I hope things works out well for you. I'm sorry for the difficult spot you are in, and I wish you luck.

 

[Lady Day]

Living on your own or with your peers is liberating. Id recommend that. Even if you are in school, its a worth while thing to at least do once before school ends.
Having lived on my own since I was 18 (by my lonesome) Id never be fit to live with others

Even tho it may/ will be a stretch, see about getting a roommate and cracking the cohabitation thing. Better than fam in my opinion.

LD

 

[Polka Dot]

Hi Jovan,

Does your college have any sort of roommate-matching service available? Although there's never any complete guarantee that a new roommate will work out, you might feel better going that route than through Craigslist. Also, if you're currently in college, what are the options for moving into a dorm? Dorms may not be the ideal living situation, but sometimes they are cheaper than finding an apartment. (Run the numbers, though, since those meal plans can be like highway robbery. Case in point: I once wasn't feeling well in college and so had a bowl of applesauce for dinner. My friend looked at me and said, "You just paid nine bucks for that applesauce.")

Personally, in your shoes I think I'd go for the moving out on your own option. Regardless of whether you foresee patching things up with your mother, living with your stepfather could make the relationship worse with her. I only say this because the less emotional baggage in your life, the better. And, as someone else in this thread said, living on your own is liberating!

Good luck making a decision!

Best,

Polka Dot

 

[Flying Scotsman]

Strike out on your own if possible, get a roommate or two if it's not. Moving in with stepdad sounds a little like moving in with, well, dad. That is, you're still with your parents. And, frankly, he may prefer *his* being on his own.

There comes a time in every man's (and woman's) life when they have to, well, become a man or woman and leave the parents.

It is *very* liberating. Challenging. Frustrating, sometimes. A little frightening at first, wondering how on earth you're going to pay the bills, stay focused on class, etc. But the dividends are huge. Self-reliance. Self-sufficiency. Coping skills. Dates you wouldn't get if you told them you still lived with your parents. The list is long.

Good luck, and let us know how it works out.

 

[Novella]

Like a lot of others have said, living on your own (or with some roommates) is great. I've lived away from home for a couple years now, and as much as I love and get along with my parents, I don't want to go back. Last year one of my roommates was a complete stranger, but I couldn't have asked for a better roommate. She always paid the rent on time, contributed for her share of the utilities, and we became friends. I think if you get a chance to meet who you might live with in person, it makes a world of difference. Before the roommate we ended up with my friends and I had talked to a few other people. It just took time to find someone who fit and sounded reliable.

Of course, how it's going to hit you financially is probably the thing to consider above all. If living by yourself/with roommates is going to be a money struggle it's probably worth it to wait until you've got some more money tucked away.

 

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

2 cents

Jovan, perhaps you don't need to move at all. I would sit down with your mother and talk to her about what she expects from you, what she needs to feel good about you staying home a while longer. Perhaps creating a roommate type of environment with her. You say you were close once, this might be an opportunity, through open communication, to clear the air and bring some of that closeness back. Usually unspoken tension comes from little things that merely need to be vented .. not always drastically changed.

No matter what you decide to do, you will regret not talking about the way you and she feel about the current situation.