Hat Rhymes

[ND1SU]

My brother has an interesting sense of humor. Among other things, he composes rap-style rhymes with odd topics: fast-food restaurants, herbicides, and chemistry have provided him with inspiration.

So, he wrote one about pork pie hats, which is decidedly R-rated (actually, most of his stuff is), and will not be posted here, although he tells me that he wrote a PG version, which he will send to me when he gets back in town. He also promises one about bowlers.

So, here is the first in the series I can post:

Fedora Freestyle
by: my brother

Made known to the world
by a transvestite
Parisian Courtesan
who thought it looked right
For a play which was written
by a Mr. Sardou
Now we know where it started
let's just see where it goes

Less formal than the
more formal Homburg hat
Looks like a Homburg
but a Homburg ain't that
Making the distinction
one would say is a cinch
for the characteristic
Fedora pinch

The pinch is determined
by the hat-maker's touch
Diamonds, teardrops,
centers and such
wool, cashmere,
or beaver felt
Sewn with an
over or underwelt

The Fedora came to fame
on a cross-dresser's head
might seem lame but it's tame
compared to what's ahead
In the time of prohibition
mobsters of suspicion
sporting their Fedoras
while swimmin' with the fishes

Today in pop culture
the Fedora's well known
made splendid by hanging
on the famous skull bones
of Harrison Ford
who set the tone
adventurizing his hat
as Indiana Jones

 

[ND1SU]

Once again, rhyme time!

Homburg Hat
By: My Brother

Formally formed on the heads of Hessians
Left Edward VII with a favorable impression
of a stiff felt hat with a Grosgrain band
The King took one back to his English homeland

Migrated to America for a man of power
Supreme Commander Dwight Eisenhower
Who grabbed the brim and tilted it back
Then ripped through Europe like a raging maniac

The display of might executed so viciously
Must have impressed the young men in Sicily
The Homburg was taken to enhance the posture
Of a friendly little club called La Cosa Nostra

Now back in the states with my brother Wayne
Inspired by Corleone and Johnny Fontane
The stiff Homburg hat and a black pair of shoes
He'll make you an offer you cannot refuse

 

[hatsRme]

Finger snapping here!! Loving the slam, man! Kudos to your brother, Brother!

 

[Frunobulax]

Like McDonald's, I'm lovin' it!

 

[hatophile]

I'm down with it brutha!

 

[Short Balding Guy]

Excellent.

"Wearing a hat is like having a baby or a puppy; everyone stops to coo and talk about it." (Louise Green)

Best, Eric -

 

[ND1SU]

Here we go again, this time about....BOWLERS!

Bowler Freestyle
By: my brother

Step back an listen to the Ayatollah
of Millinery and Rock & Roll...ah
About a british gent, politician and soldier
Who invented a popular hat called a Bowler

Invented by Edward Coke, the Hat-Meister
Younger brother of the 2nd Earl of Leicester
The Bowler showed up in the 1800s
In a shop somewhere in Victorian London

Originally fitted for a Coke head
The Bowler was subject to the test bed
Before going public the hat must chance
An endurance test called the "Riverdance"

It's hard to separate the Bowler from Britain
But here's a little fact that I'm going to fit in
The Bowler reigned supreme in American Westerns
Until the "Boss of the Plains" was created by Stetson

In Hollywood the Bowler walked the red carpet
A classic accoutrement to the garments
Of comedy actors like Laurel and Hardy
attending a Hollywood pre-screening party

The Bowler may have fallen out of mainstream favor
When a gentleman's suit still needs a splash of flavor
Don't be a buffoon or a philistine slob
Get a shave and a haircut by my homie Oddjob