- Messages
- 12,056
- Location
- East of Los Angeles
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Clean Jokes
- Thread starter jamespowers
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GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,917
- Location
- New Forest
An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man thought for a second and said, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator!'
Moral: When they want to, old men can still think fast.
As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man thought for a second and said, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator!'
Moral: When they want to, old men can still think fast.
- Messages
- 15,563
- Location
- East Central Indiana
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,917
- Location
- New Forest
^^^^Jason Statham, so hard, he impacted on Viagra sales.
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,917
- Location
- New Forest
^^^^
- Messages
- 14,970
Tiki Tom
My Mail is Forwarded Here
- Messages
- 3,432
- Location
- Oahu, North Polynesia
Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: He was outstanding in his field.
A: He was outstanding in his field.
- Messages
- 15,563
- Location
- East Central Indiana
GHT
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 9,917
- Location
- New Forest
With apologies to Dean Martin:
When the moon hits your eye,
Like a big pizza pie,
That's amore?.
When an eel bites your hand,
And that's not what you planned,
That's a moray.
When our habits are strange,
And our customs deranged,
That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw,
And the bales total four,
That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife,
Becomes stabbed with a knife,
That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight,
Uses his sword in a fight,
That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze,
In a damp marshy place,
That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine,
And you tie up her line,
That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests,
Like you did all the rest,
That's some more "A"s!
When on Mt. Cook you see,
An aborigine,
That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has,
A space gun with pizzazz,
That's a Moo ray...
A comedian ham,
With the name Amsterdam,
That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham,
Is with marshmallows crammed,
That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough,
Of this dumb rhyming stuff,
That's "No more!", eh?
When the moon hits your eye,
Like a big pizza pie,
That's amore?.
When an eel bites your hand,
And that's not what you planned,
That's a moray.
When our habits are strange,
And our customs deranged,
That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw,
And the bales total four,
That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife,
Becomes stabbed with a knife,
That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight,
Uses his sword in a fight,
That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze,
In a damp marshy place,
That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine,
And you tie up her line,
That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests,
Like you did all the rest,
That's some more "A"s!
When on Mt. Cook you see,
An aborigine,
That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has,
A space gun with pizzazz,
That's a Moo ray...
A comedian ham,
With the name Amsterdam,
That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham,
Is with marshmallows crammed,
That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough,
Of this dumb rhyming stuff,
That's "No more!", eh?
- Messages
- 13,183
- Location
- Germany
Driving around the corner, suddenly a cow stays on the street! Thinking:
West-German: "Go away!"
East-German: "Milking!!"
West-German: "Go away!"
East-German: "Milking!!"
- Messages
- 19,506
- Location
- Funkytown, USA
drmaxtejeda
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 8,364
- Location
- Mexico City
.
Sent from my SM-A705FN using Tapatalk
Sent from my SM-A705FN using Tapatalk
drmaxtejeda
I'll Lock Up
- Messages
- 8,364
- Location
- Mexico City
- Messages
- 19,506
- Location
- Funkytown, USA
I went to college in Cleveland, where there is a chain of superstores called Acme.
Never did find the aisle with Tornado in a Bottle...
Sent from my moto g(6) using Tapatalk
- Messages
- 12,056
- Location
- East of Los Angeles
- Messages
- 19,506
- Location
- Funkytown, USA
Makes sense.
I think they take PayPal now, too.
I think they take PayPal now, too.
- Status
