Advice and ideas regarding proposals

[The Shirt]

So I have been toying with the idea very recently that I might propose to my boyfriend. Just in the beginning musing stage really. I am not a hardcore traditionalist to begin with, I asked him out first, etc. We have been together a couple of years and are very happy. He is a very shy fellow and though we have talked a small bit about it and at length about our future together, I don't think he is in any hurry to ask. It's not that I do not think it will happen someday - I just may wait a while for him to feel ready to ask.

So I read that leap year proposals were legit in the past and low and behold guess what day falls in 2008? I am truly thinking that this may be something incredibly memorable and even if I'd prefer he ask - I really would like for our lives together to move forward.

Really what I am asking is not really about the quality of our relationship, rather just about the idea of a woman proposing to a man in general. Or perhaps if anyone has done this themselves. Any ideas on how to? He is terribly into classic cars and I think incorporating a vintage auto somehow in the event would be fantastic.

I apologize if there has been a previous posting regarding this matter - I was unable to find it.

 

[Helen Troy]

In the engagement-ring thread I wrote a little bit about my proposal. I proposed to my man, so off course I think that your idea is just terrific!

I didn't kneel, but I proposed "properly" with ring and all on our 5 years anniversary day. He was thrilled! And it was really fun and romantic for me to do.

The thing is, I knew how much I would love to be proposed to, ring and all. (And as it turned out, I just barely beat him to it.) And that kind of wonderfull experience was something I wanted to give to him too. Why is it only girls who are supposed to experience beeing proposed to? I'm sure many men will enjoy it just as much. At least mine did. And, it was a very spescial, emotional experience for me to. To see his big smile and hear him shout "yes, yes!" while he hugged me... I'll never forget it!

So I say: Go for it! I'm sure it will be wonderfull for both of you.

And that leap year idea, that is really fun! Great idea. And, according to some old traditions, if he rejects he has to give you a lot of gloves or something!

 

[J. M. Stovall]

I'll only stick my nose in here for a second, but there was a woman on the Today Show today that's a professional matchmaker and she was talking about that exact situation. She also has a book out (of course) but you may be able to get some info on her at the NBC web site.

Here is the story:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22285091/

The video has more on how to get your man to decide he's ready, the article doesn't really cover that.



Ok, I'm out now.

 

[Snookie]

First of all, congratulations! It's so cool that you found someone you want to marry, and that you're willing to propose yourself!

I don't have any advice really, but a couple questions that might help you focus your ideas. Do want to propose with a ring, a different piece of jewelry, something else, or nothing at all (and shop later - for both of you!)? And do you want it to be public or private (it can even be done privately in a public setting)?

My husband proposed to me at a local restaurant, and they were really excited when he approached them with his plan. They reserved the patio for us, and he got my sister-in-law-to-be to decorate it for us ahead of time. I think you'll find that if you want help planning, a lot of people will be thrilled to help. Perhaps you could find an auto show and approach one of the organizers/participants to help you? What do you have in mind - being driven somewhere, or proposing in the great setting of all the cars around?

Good luck!

 

[The Shirt]

Helen, Snookie and JM - thanks for the words of encouragement.

I have shared this idea with a few close friends and to my surprise, they were so excited about it. So much so they are wanting to help in the proposal in any way as well. I'm having a grand time thinking about all the ways in which it could happen.

I think that I would give him a simple ring to show the seriousness of the offer, but I would refrain from going down on one knee (Helen I agree). I also think that a private moment in a public space suits me best. This will surprise him - I don't want him to feel self-conscious as well with a crowd. I think that if the night was about spoiling him and doing something we never have together it would be memorable for us. I found a classic auto service that could take us around for the evening. Beyond that - it may take some thinking.

For some reason I am fond of this one.
http://www.classiclimo-mn.com/packard_1947.html

Question - Would one ask his parents for permission? His mother has offered to adopt me if he doesn't marry me - so I think that I'd get a yes.

I don't know if I'll actually go thru with this but I am starting to think its a very serious option.

 

[Paisley]

I understand that a lot of women, even if they don't propose, have to gently nudge their men in that direction. So I don't think the idea of a woman proposing is all that strange. Good luck!

 

[Lucky Strike]

If the ladies will excuse the boudoir intrusion; yep, the leap year thing is a tradition, and so are the gloves thing.

Here's what I just did: The girfriend and I spent Christmas in Rome, and as New Year's Eve was my 40th, we went to dinner, had a fantastic meal, walked around Rome and ended up with prosecco at an outside table at the Campo de Fiori, where the locals gather to stand around the edge of the piazza to try to kill each other with fireworks and by throwing empty bottles into the open space in the middle.

I dragged the girlfriend into the middle of the piazza and proceeded to propose marriage at a quarter past midnight.

Went down on one knee in front of a thousand people and pulled a ring out of my pocket. The whole piazza applauded, heh.

Now tell me I did well.

 

[Mid-fogey]

Ladies...

...please excuse my intrusion. I've started surfing the "new posts".

As far as a woman proposing, it depends on the couple. No one knows better than you if it would be well or poorly received. My guess is you wouldn't get considering it if you thought it would be a problem.

I very much endorse your idea of a private proposal. Even if you BF is OK with you asking, having others observe might be embarrassing.

Are you sure you are happy with asking him? It's interesting how many women who "pop the question" say they would have preferred the guy to ask. Are you sure he isn't going to ask? Is there someone you both know well that could discretely bring it up with him without it seeming to come from you? It might be nice not to preempt him if he is planing something.

Based on you posts, you seem quite charming and your BF is quite lucky such a desirable woman would be so interested in him.

 

[ShortClara]

I think it's wonderful you have this idea and are taking control of your destiny! (Or density )

My proposal was simple at home, during Christmas, and I was totally surprised. I think public or private, it wil be special no matter what. Do get him a ring

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!

 

[panamag8or]

Just another guy poking his head in...

My wife proposed to me...in an email. We were living a couple hundred miles apart, then.

 

[The Shirt]

Lucky Strike- See now that's a proposal! I'm betting she's a happy woman and when she tells that story everyone else in the rooms just swoons.

MF-

Are you sure you are happy with asking him?

This is a tremendous question. The answer is that I simply just don't know. I would actually prefer if he were to ask the question in all honesty. Though knowing he loves me without question - he is very slow to come to big changes in his life. There is not exactly impatience on my part - rather such unbelievable excitement to start the next stage in our lives together. Thus a bit of an issue and perhaps why I am considering taking the asking on myself. I have no doubt he will someday ask - but narrowing that down - well that's a big question for him.

I so appreciate ideas and opinions. As I first thought about it - it seemed so simple and spontaneous and now - WOW - I get why it is difficult for anyone to ask!

Based on you posts, you seem quite charming and your BF is quite lucky such a desirable woman would be so interested in him.

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!

You are altogether too sweet.

 

[Mid-fogey]

Another...

...thought.

As I was working in the yard yesterday, another idea occurred to me. You could say something like: "I was on the Internet and I saw that Jolene Blalock, the actress who was in Enterprise and Jason and the Argonauts proposed to her boyfriend. What do you think of a woman doing that?"

Since you BF probably isn't stupid that will tell him: (1) "I want to be married to you"; and, (2) "I'm thinking of asking you."

If he says he thinks it's an OK idea, that's his way of saying go ahead. At that point you'd only risk a "no" based on the fact he's not ready.

If he says that girls shouldn't "pop the question", it means either he plans to ask you (and now he knows you are ready), or again, he's not ready. Either way, that tells you it would be better if you didn't ask.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck.

 

[Dexter'sDame]

$.02

Great responses to this thread! I would add that if you do so at a public event, please be very, very certain he would like it to happen at a public event, especially since it's a little unusual for the guy to be the recipient. (Love Mid-Fogey's idea of checking it out first by using a celebrity as an example!) Even if you choose a private moment at a public event, there's a good chance someone else will catch on and thus begin a chain of staring eyes, so knowing whether or not he'd like that is really important. Contrary to popular belief, while some people like and may even relish it, not everyone wants to be proposed to in public...Speaking only for myself, I'd absolutely die if a guy proposed to me in public! Again, this is just me--but my first thought would be, "If he doesn't know me well enough to know how much I hate this, we're definitely not ready to get married!"

 

[MaryDeluxe]

Shirt...

I think you should do it! A couple of years is long enough for you to know if you want to be with this person or not. You know you want to be with him so I say ask him!
I think some people become "comfortable" in a long term relationship and don't really think about taking it to the next stage. It sounds like he just needs a little nudge to get things rolling!

Years ago, I had a girlfriend who proposed to her boyfriend in a sweet, funny way. She made me track down for her a plastic, green Incredible Hulk ring. She then made him a romantic dinner and from across the table she presented the ring to him and asked him to marry her! The joke of course being that on one of their first dates he had said to her that he would fall madly in love with and marry any woman who gave him a green incredible hulk ring! So she did and he said yes! Of course, this was just the wack across the head he needed to get his butt in gear and he gave her a proper proposal the next month! lol

 

[Cherry_Bombb]

I think the idea of proposing to your boyfriend is incredibly romantic. My friend Jamie proposed to her husband in a really unique way. They're both big goofballs and consider Halloween to be the best holiday there is. As usual, they picked their costumes months in advance, and this year they decided to go as each other to the annual Halloween party. Billy had gone out shopping and found a dress just like one that Jamie had, and Jamie took in some of Billy's clothes. The day of the party, Jamie ran out to a jewelry store and purchased a pair of diamond earrings (Billy has both ears pierced). They went to the party together and about halfway through the night Jamie started playing it up to Billy (remembering that she's dressed up as him).

"Jamie, you're the most beautiful women I've ever met. You're so kind and caring... You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life w/. Jamie, will you marry me?" She got down on one knee and pulled out the earring box. Until that point Billy had been fake swooning and playing it up to the crowd. But when Jamie got down on her knee, his face turned very serious and then lit up. He again went into character and accepted. But they, and everyone else at the party, realized what had just happened.

I think that if you do propose to him, it definatly needs to be special to both of you.

But on another note, congratulations regardless of who proposes to whom. Finding someone is special in and of itself!

 

[The Shirt]

Update

Cherry Bomb and Mary Deluxe - what cute stories - I love it.

I've been doing a little sleuthing as some have suggested. What I have come to find is that he is not opposed to marriage someday- he is simply frustrated by a lot of the nudging (to downright harassment of families). I think that it has acted as a real turn-off about the subject. He did not really like the woman proposing idea (as much as I could gather - SIGH!) We asked some extremely difficult questions of each other and actually had some misconceptions about what the other might want down the road. It honestly brought us closer rather than apart - which is a great thing. He was even pleasantly surprised by some of my honest expectations and desires. I think that it put some things on the table that perhaps might have not been discussed until after marriage and I believe we will go into marriage with eyes open and expectations met.

It's still tough to be the girl who is ready willing and able - and to have to wait. Putting your fate in someone else's hands to a degree is a challenge to say the least. Especially when used to making all your life's decisions on your own. I'm still going to roll the proposal around in my mind. I have a plan should I decide it is the time and the place to use it. I appreciate all the thoughts and well wishes - so very much from all of you.

 

[Cherry_Bombb]

As someone who has been there, I really can understand! I wish you both the best!

 

[Mid-fogey]

Well, It's...

...best you found out beforehand.

Remember that a stern chase is a long chase, but we don't live forever.

Any person should get reasonable time to make up their mind, and that's it. Don't wait forever. If that fellow knows what you want and if he doesn't move within a year or so, you may want to move on.

 

[MaryDeluxe]

It's good that you and your fella can talk about the future and what you are both looking for with open minds. It does suck to be at a point in the relationship where you are ready to move onto the next step and they are still happy with where it's at. I don't think there is anything wrong with investing more time in the relationship but just be careful with how much more of your time you are willing to give. I only say this because I've been there myself.