A question of funeral attire

[BR Gordon]

I know that ultimately it's a personal decision, but I'd like some feedback. I have always considered the panama hat and bow-tie to be dressy casual wear. What is your opinion on the appropriateness of a very nice panama hat and bow-tie for funeral attire? The panama can be either a fedora or optimo style. Would a summer weight felt fedora and straight tie be more appropriate? I'll be wearing a light colored linen suit.

 

[dhermann1]

Well, assuming you take your hat off indoors, why not? And any tie with a modest pattern, in other words not pink polka dots, should be fine, as well. Last funeral I went to (for a fellow Lounge member, actually) I wore my dark suit. The suit or jacket you wear should be of a sombre or non jazzy tone.
Sorry about the friend that passed.

 

[William Stratford]

A bow tie is a little too jaunty for a funeral, imho. Better a plain black regular tie.

 

[Deleted member 16736]

A bow tie is a little too jaunty for a funeral, imho. Better a plain black regular tie.

Agreed. Rule #1 of choosing one's attire: always dress appropriate to the occasion. A funeral is not the time to make a fashion statement. It's a time to pay respect. My condolences on the loss of your friend.

 

[Chaps]

I would wear a straight tie and a darker suit.

 

[Undertow]

If you regularly wear bow ties at work or in social gatherings, then I gather you wouldn't be asking us this question. That in mind, I'd say skip the bow tie lest anyone think you're trying to draw attention to yourself.

Otherwise, if you're just looking for a common set of rules, remember that a bow tie is nothing more than a piece of neckwear. Would you wear a shirt to a funeral, or a jacket? Then why should neckwear matter? Bow ties in and of themselves are simply an article of clothing. If you're not comfortable in them, or if they seem flashy for you, skip it and stick with a tie.

Same goes for hats - if you're the kind of guy that doesn't normally wear hats, maybe leave it at home this time and save it for the ballgame or wedding. Otherwise, Panama hats are just hats, nothing more or less.

 

[tonyb]

I've attended funerals (or "memorial services" or "celebrations of life," etc.) where a T-shirt and flip-flops wouldn't have been out of place. Not that I'd appear in even so casual a crowd in such attire myself, but the point is that a light-colored linen suit with a straw hat and a bow tie might be just the ticket at some funerals.

I, more than anyone else, hopes this won't be a matter of any concern to anyone for a good long while, but people have my permission to wear whatever they wish at my funeral.

But I'm with Undertow on his suggestion that you steer clear of wearing what might leave the impression that you're trying to draw attention to yourself. But again, the particulars of that vary widely from context to context.

 

[BR Gordon]

Thank you all for your input.

I normally wear, this time of year, linen and a panama. New Mexico is a place that people generally dress casually, but I believe that I'll wear a darker suit, subdured straight tie, and a darker fur felt hat.

 

[carldelo]

This past Friday, I went to a memorial service wearing a lightweight neutral taupe/gray suit, white shirt, straight black tie, black shoes and a very dark gray straw hat (actually poly straw, an Akubra Capricorn). As I get older, I'm afraid I'm going to need this type of attire more often, and it's useful to have a dark straw to wear at somber events in warm weather. You might consider getting a dark straw, especially for NM. I like wearing a dark straw during the evening, as well.

 

[Edward]

I'd go with the darker suit myself, and I'd avoid the bow. Unfortunately most people nowadays regard bow ties as "fun" and "costumey", which is not appropriate. As to the panama, I see no problem with that - you won't be wearing it for the rituals either inside or outside, so it's not really that relevant.

 

[Stearmen]

It actually all depends on the person whose funeral you are attending! If they were very formal, then formal it is, if they were casual, and so on. For my mothers funeral, it was suit and tie, spit polish and all. On the other hand, the last few funerals I have attended, were unfortunately members of our motorcycle club, [no not a gang.] In each case we wore motorcycle clothing and the club T-shirt, and rode our motorcycles! The widows and family members were most appreciative, saying how much their husbands or fathers looked forward to the monthly meetings and rides. At a couple of funerals, if it wasn't for us members, there would have been almost no one there. I also have done pilot funerals, where an A2 or G1 over a dress shirt and tie was the norm. I imagine for a lot of us on the Lounge at our funerals, Hawaiian shirts and fedoras would be just fine!